Dammit, Diana! Deathstroke isn't pointing that way!
Even though Deathstroke #8 came out last week, this issue begins with a lot of Narration Boxing to make sure any readers who don't follow the monthly series know what's going on. Although do people still pick up annuals to test the waters on a monthly issue? My guess would be they don't since DC's annuals constantly just act as another issue in the series. It's confusing and stupid. At least label this comic book "Annual #1 aka Deathstroke 8.5".
This issue is called "Fifty Shades of Slade" because barf.
Iapetus (you know what? I refuse to be a party to ignorance by continuing to call the Titan "Lapetus"!) has reformed and he's ready to destroy everything! The world! The Universe! The Omniverse! All of the Panverses! Everything! So Wonder Woman has decided to team up with Deathstroke to stop him. Once again I feel the need to question Wonder Woman's thought process here. Why team up with a murdering psychopath when you can call the Justice League! If it's a psychopath you need on your team, Batman is always available!
Last issue, Wonder Woman insisted that it was too late to stop Iapetus from forming so she busied herself with kicking Deathstroke's ass. That was the slightest reason given as to why Wonder Woman was acting so out of character. But Iapetus destroys that notion immediately.
Whoops! I guess Diana could have stopped him before he reformed! But Deathstroke had to be lectured so I guess Diana's hands were tied.
And just in case the reader missed that part about flying, it's brought up again on the next page immediately after it was brought up on the previous page.
Did Diana think Slade was going to say, "Some 'god' you turned out to bitch"?
Slade and Diana have the kind of comic book repartee that is often used to fill dozens and dozens of pages but isn't clever or interesting at all. It's just verbal sparring for the alpha position in their little duo. And as they bicker, dozens of monsters close in on them and wait for the bickering to end before they attack.
During the obligatory page full of gore, Deathstroke thinks, "Damn. She's as beautiful as she is deadly." Oh! What a sweetie! I bet Wonder Woman would be glad he noticed. He really should have said it out loud because I'm sure she'd love to hear how pretty she is! Can I get a variant edition of this comic book where we get to see Diana's thoughts? I bet she's thinking, "Damn! I wonder if his cock is as big as his sword?" Probably!
Oh wait! Deathstroke also thinks this bit that I must repeat for those of you who didn't waste $4.99 on this comic book: "This place may not look like reality but it sure as hell feels real." What a turn of phrase! It's like silky dark chocolate melting over my cerebral cortex. Literally. Because I think that would be really painful and unpleasant.
The demons all run away because an even bigger demon arrives on the scene. It's a good thing it arrived because otherwise Slade and Diana were going to die. I'm glad another monster saved their lives because the main character and the God of War were incapable of saving themselves. It really adds depth to their characters knowing they're fallible and incompetent to boot!
What does that mean?! Is Diana making a joke? Perhaps they've having two different conversations because the monster's roar is drowning out their voices?
Beyond the arse-faced beast, they spy a convenient portal back to Paradise Island. I guess Iapetus's magic is the kind that only works if you allow the victims a chance of overcoming it. But since Diana can't easily fly up to it, she and Slade jump off of a cliff to certain death instead.
Oh wait. Whatever.
Also, how old do you think a person has to be to recognize a Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid reference? Slade is old as dirt so I get him referencing it even if he looks young now. But shouldn't Wonder Woman be all, "Who and what now?"
After learning to fly (and holding hands for some inexplicable reason), Slade and Diana are sucked into different portals for Chapters Two and Three of the Annual.
Slade winds up in Istanbul where Hessia is waiting for him. Sitting across from them are Rose and Joseph as children. Slade still calls Joey "Jericho" because he's a horrible dad who doesn't actually remember what he named his son. Some terrorists or something have also arrived which means something or other. I guess Slade's love for his children will be tested while he murders dozens of people. You know another way to test the love of a parent? Ask them if they know their children's names!
Diana winds up in a demolished London where sickly Superman points to other figments of Diana's imagination and says, "Look at how they suffer because of you!" Diana's all, "Oh no! Because of me?! Oh my!" And Superman is all, "I'mma gonna quote Oppenheimer here who was quoting, like, the Bhagavad Gita or something." And Wonder Woman is all, "I'll kill you for saying things!" And when she stabs Superman, he disappears in a fart and she realizes it was all a dream! Then she falls back through a portal or something. I guess she learned her lesson! I think it was to not stab Superman when he says things.
Meanwhile Slade is confronted by his children. Well, by Rose anyway. I'm sure Joseph really, really wants to tell him his real name but Slade never bothered to learn sign language so Slade is all, "Stop making shadow puppets and talk to me!"
Oh yeah! I forgot Jericho was only mute during that last Liefeld story with Stillborn. Or was it a Team 7 story?
And then Tony S. Daniel writes a page that if I had been given a choice to either read this page or let Tony S. Daniel piss in my mouth, I would have taken the piss. But it's too late for that choice now! I already read it. Now you can read it too! Sharing this with everybody feels like that first time I sent somebody to look at goat.se, way back when the internet was still young and innocent.
Firstly, you made it personal by taking out a contract to murder Iapetus. Secondly, he didn't want the fight! You brought the fight to him because you took a contract to murder him. Thirdly, I'm pretty sure Iapetus has already met mortality since he's the freaking god of it!
Diana and Slade kill the arse-faced beast and manage to make it through the portal to Paradise Island just before it closes. Oh, was it closing? I should have guessed that since it's more dramatic that way! Whew! That was exciting!
Back on Paradise Island, Deathstroke gets to say his catchphrase!
Ha ha! This was my favorite moment of the comic book! It wasn't a difficult choice to make since it was between this or nothing.