YOU! Got what I neeeeeeeeeed! But you say he's just a friend! You say he's just a friend. OH BABY!!
Hmm. Since Bizarro is rated E for Everyone, I probably shouldn't mention masturbating in the commentary for it. Although, as long as I don't make a big deal about the word "masturbation" and call attention to it, all the young Everyones won't know what it is or how much time they'll be spending doing it in a few years!
Hey DC Comics! Leave the poorly drawn stick people crayon pages to me! You'll be hearing from my pretend lawyer whose never lost a pretend case in his life.
Gosh darn it, Bizarro! Now a whole generation of kids are going to think King Tut was Pharaoh during the time of Moses! Thanks for contributing to Dumb Kids Who Don't Know Their Bible Culture!
Oh! I forgot I was reading Bizarro. Um, Jimmy Olsen is freed from Tut's spell by Bizarro's penis chewing on his skull. Don't worry! It doesn't have to make sense! This book is rated E for Everyone. Have you read a children's book lately? They're worse than a poem by Gerard Manley Hopkins! I wish my middle name were "Manley" and then people would just assume I knew about cars and sports and pleasuring women without always embarrassing me by asking me questions I can't answer. Like "What is an engine?" and "How many sports does a sportsball score?" and "Why would I have sex with you?"
Bizarro's penis also slaps Tut's daughter in the head, breaking the spell on her as well. I should probably remember her name because it might seem sexist that I can't remember it as opposed to seeming like I have a serious brain injury which I wish I had right now to defend against any accusations of sexism.
What's her name's boobs look hot, right?
Does Superman have Super-Hypnosis? I suppose he would have the opposite of that power which is Super-Gullibility?
After Jimmy and Bizarro are given medallions and a convertible for saving the people of Smallville from buying some cars, they leave town, presumably for Gotham if the cover can be believed. Regina, King Tut's daughter, decides she needs to get revenge on Bizarro for turning her father into an Indigo Girl's song. Part of her motivation might also be the influence of the Staff of Ra after she repairs it. Also she might be mad at Jimmy Olsen for not kissing her after she gave him a car.
In Gotham, Jimmy Olsen snaps a picture of Kelley Jones' Batman throwing a Batarang into Bizarro's head. Next they stop off at Central City where Jimmy snaps a picture of Bizarro clotheslining The Flash as he runs by. Jimmy must have a pretty fast shutter speed! Unless it's something else about cameras that lets them capture fast moving objects. Like the aperture! Or the cell phone plan!
After evading the ARGUS Agents that have been following them across the country, Jimmy and Bizarro head into a ghost town where Jimmy gets to meet another fantastic looking woman he's not going to do it to. I mean, he's not going to do it to her because she's going to be a fully fleshed out character who is not just in the comic as a romantic foil for Jimmy Olsen. She won't be that at all! But she must still have nice bosoms and a nice behind, of course, or else all the male fans will throw the book down in disgust while scratching their huge bellies and wondering why the room smells like old farts and sniffing the hand that was just scratching their balls to determine if they should take a shower or not before the big Magic Tournament later that night.
Chastity Hex am not stripper name at all!
Bizarro #2 Rating: No change. It am not funny at all. By which I mean it has quite a few moments that really entertained me. It's a cute book!