The Movement #8

Instead of "buried alive," I would have gone with "All blocked up!" to keep with the poo theme already established by the title, "The Movement."

Speaking of bowels, don't you hate when you sit on the toilet for a bowel movement and instantly let go with a huge fart while still having the bowel movement to get to? It's like losing all of your propellant!

Umm, maybe I should move on to less interesting but more socially acceptable topics. Like this comic book! Last issue, Burden had turned into a fucking megademon. It could possibly have been Demogorgon although I really don't think it was Orcus. He had tentacles coming out of his stomach so he might have accidentally belched "Hastur" and his new form was the result. I wonder if as the demon, Burden composes letters to his demon mom in his head?

"Dear Mommagorgon,
I'm sorry I disappointed you by not being able to shit flaming turds but I tried my hardest to cover the unbaptized babies in my filth anyway. They truly deserve my disgusting wrath, don't they, Mommagorgon? How dare they die before undergoing the proper religious ceremony for God to accept them into his ever-loving bosom. I hope they like being stuffed into my anal sphincter just as much as being hugged by Jesus. Maybe while I'm on Earth, I can learn to truly be evil from American politicians. That's why I've joined The Movement, Mommagorgon. So I can encounter the Corruptiticians personally! I miss you terribly. Tell father to go fuck himself.
Your boy,
Burden."

As this issue begins, Vengeance Moth calls the Graveyard Faction "a bunch of snarky buttholes." And that is a big reason why this comic book is so great. The only other character in the DC Universe that I can see saying that is maybe Alfred Pennyworth. Holy shit. I would so read a comic book written by Gail Simone about Alfred Pennyworth at home taking care of Alfred Pennyworth (the cat!), Titus, and Batcow. Also Bruce. He probably needs the most taking care of.

Burden in his demon form battling Arson, Assholster, Hester Prynne, and Butterface.

Assholster reminds me that his real name is Pallas when he calls himself a god. Why choose Pallas if you're going to be under the delusion that you're a god? I suppose that's the problem with delusions! You don't get to pick them! Although I wish one of the ancient Greek gods really had been named Assholster. I bet Assholster the god would be more effective against Burden the Pit-Lord than stupid dumb Pallas manages to be. But even a raging Pit-Lord with mommy issues can't hope to hold out against four other super powered beings. Which is why Vengeance Moth needs to come to his rescue.

But first, an interlude! A very sexy interlude!

Mouse is micexual.

Back to Vengeance Moth's rescue, she beats Hester Prynne with a crutch. She beat that bitch with a stick. She beat that bitch with a stick. She beat she beat she beat she beat she beat that bitch with a stick.

Sorry.

That'll only work if the Fruit Snack is Dimmesdale's Cock Flavoured.

Hester Prynne manages to fail in her attempt to kill Vengeance Moth because Pallas's blasts of godhood cause the ceiling to collapse all around everyone. For some reason, Pallas dislikes demons from Hell. He's so fucking judgmental. But Vengeance Moth manages to put a call in to Virtue before she completely passes out from rocks hitting her in the face.

There's this whole other scene back at the police station that I've been completely ignoring because it's just a bunch of cops and they're all, "Tell our story! Tell our story! We're so fucking important because we keep you safe! We protect you so pay attention to us!" But I was all, "Daaaaaamn. Fuck that shit, bitchstacios! You gotta learn that there's a difference between 'protecting' and 'policing,' doggydaddios! And until you get that crapoler through your fat-ass blue shields, I'mma just stand over here pretendin' you ain't even there." And they were all, "What the fuck did he just say?" And I was all, "You heard me! It takes different strokes to rule the world. Yes it does." And then I skipped out of there humming the theme from What's Happening and one of the cops whistled and said, "Dang. That boy is smooth crystals!"

And then there is a romantic part!

Talk about smooth crystals!

I wonder if Mouse's breath smells like rat piss? No, I don't actually. I'm fairly certain everything about Mouse smells like rat piss. I had one rat in my room in high school and every fucking thing smelled like rat piss. But it was probably worth it because rats are pretty sweet creatures. Except that Willard one. That one was a dick.

Back at The Movement's Batcave, Hester Prynne was about to have The Graveyard Faction retreat from Burden and Vengeance Moth and the collapsing roof when Katharsis, Virtue, Tremor, and Mouse appear to back everyone up. Apparently Hester Prynne believes that gave her team better odds because now she's decided to attack instead of flee! Hester Prynne might not be the brightest leader The Graveyard Faction ever had.

Virtue borrows Vengeance Moth's fear and uses it against Hester Prynne who becomes incapacitated. Arson has a shattered leg and Butterface really should probably put on more clothes. But in the meantime, Virtue tells them to get the hell out and they get out while the getting out gets them out.

"Tell our story! Pay attention to us! We have things to say too!" Ugh! It's those fucking cops again. Okay, okay. You get two panels! Make them good! And don't make them about Toothless Joe since he's getting fired anyway. I'm sure he'll be back for revengeance later.

Oh! Fascinating! Good choice of panels!

Does that mean Virtue died during Darkseid's invasion? Is that when she got her powers? I bet she was eating a bag of skittles when a Boom Tube opened directly on top of her, infusing her with the taste of the rainbow. She could also have been eating Sprees but Sprees don't have a catchy commercial telling people to eat them. They simply get by on their own delicious reputation and their silky smooth feeling on the tongue.

And then the issue ends with Batgirl coming to town because Babs feels like this comic book doesn't have enough Narration Boxing in it. Plus...wedding plans!

Mouse wanted me to crop out Tremor's negative reaction.

The Movement #8 Rating: +1 Ranking because this is one of the few comic books that serves up a nice dose of whimsy and people calling other people buttholes. That word is awesome because it sounds pretty innocent and it's never censored because it isn't an actual swear word like "assholes." But I love the word because when people hear asshole, they think of a person that is a fucking dick. But when you hear the word butthole, you picture an actual butthole! That word is dirtier than most of the other curse words! Mmmm, buttholes! Who doesn't love buttholes?! Also donut holes. Those are good too.