Justice League Dark #26

I'm going to pretend that I don't know what the Sea King just did to them but their gaping mouths tell the story all too well.

Last issue of the Blight Crossover, the Mini-Justice League Dark cast a spell that allowed them to all die but not be dead somehow at the same time. Being killed kept them from being killed. It's magic! It's complicated and/or irrational! Like praying! Except praying is acceptable because people have been taught to accept it while magic is scary because people have been taught not to accept it! I suppose the other difference is that people don't like to think that they have any power within themselves, so magic is arrogant and blasphemous. But prayer is okay because you're just asking for a super-being to do magic which is okay somehow.

I'm also now wishing that the Justice League Dark had a nemesis named Blasphemouse! He could be a humanoid mouse that casts black magic and shouts things like "Jesus sucks dick!" and "God lives in my asshole!" Boy, that mouse really is blasphemous! Saying stuff like that! What a jerk!

This issue, I predict the Sea King will make me yawn eighteen times! Except if he's the opposite of Aquaman then that makes him cool and really likeable! It also makes him the opposite of taciturn, whatever that is. Is it perky? I think it's perky! It's hard to know for sure when I don't really know the definition of taciturn! I do know that it's making me hungry for tacos. How come the breakfast burrito exists but not the breakfast taco? That kind of pisses me off a little bit.

While John and the Mini-Justice League Dark float about in their Dead Space wondering how being dead can give them the advantage over Blight, Blight appears to recap what has happened so far in this crossover. I thought that being dead was going to give them an advantage because Blight wouldn't know their consciousnesses were still extant somewhere. But I guess I'm an idiot and there is some other advantage they've gained by dying. Because Blight sure as poop knows they can still here him because he's taunting the sexual intercourse out of them.

Although John meets Deadman while dead and he shouldn't be here because he's trapped in Firestorm's Slash Fiction Matrix. So this must be that side effect that was hinted at last issue. They're just reliving their deaths over and over again. So Helpful, Synopsis-Giving Blight was probably just an illusion of some sort. Just like Deadman. And probably everybody so far except John! Because this is John's head's death hallucination! I wonder if his body gets its own vision?

If I ever lose my head, nobody cremate me! I might just be in a mystic coma!

Constantine makes a joke about Deadman being alive and then threatens to go after Boston Brand alone. Maybe he's still in the thrall of the Mark of the Dun-Kon-Wen! I bet Justice League Dark runs for 250 issues before a new writer comes on board and begins a story line where they all wake up from their real mystic coma and the past 225 issues were all hallucinations and dreams. Also, that future writer is a smart-ass dick!

The Phantom Stranger and Terrance Thirteen ditch the Mini-Justice League Dark to look for The Babysitter. The others confirm that Deadman was not a hallucination and Pandora determines where he is. So the group goes all Bedknobs and Broomsticks to find him.

Except it's a bit more like Whaleknobs and Fishdicks.

The Mini-Justice League Dark discover the Atlantis before Atlantis, a place called Nan Madol. It's probably some place mentioned in some Young Adult Fantasy Book or was made up by Coast to Coast "experts" on Edgar Cayce. I'll ask Lord Google about it.

Lord Google informs me that it is an actual place located somewhere that is not America so it really doesn't matter much. But many legends surround it and one of those is that it is "identified with R'lyeh, the sunken city in which Cthulhu reputedly lies, 'Dead, but dreaming' in the H.P. Lovecraft short story 'The Call of Cthulhu.'" Other people with names I don't recognize connect it to Mu and Lemuria which is why Constantine mentions those lost continents. He calls them all myth which seems silly since he knows so much about magic. You'd think Constantine would be one of those people that believes a little bit in everything. How else do you cast a spell that allows you to survive being decapitated and just trust that you'll be okay?

What they find in Nan Madol is the Sea King possessed by the ancient magic of the city. He also might be a little bit possessed by Deadman. But the Mini-Justice League Dark will probably have to drive out the forces of Nan Madol from The Sea King's head before Deadman can free himself.

Things escalate quickly.

Looks like the zombified version of The Trench story is about to take place.

Pandora lets Constantine know that The Sea King is also Deadman which should have been obvious to Constantine. Maybe he's still a little groggy from the decapitation earlier. Or the pressure of the ocean is making it hard to think straight, what with his brain and other organs being crushed by the weight of the water.

On the surface, The Sea King and his Water Zombies attack a boat full of white people. So I guess this legendary Nan Madol isn't located where the non-legendary Nan Madol is since it's in Micronesia. I suppose that doesn't rule out the possibility of a fishing boat full of white people who love to talk about their wives' blue eyes but it seems it would be more likely if fantasy Nan Madol were located closer to the shores of the United States. So I'm going to pretend it's a few miles off the coast of Seattle.

Before the Sea King can discover how much the air-breathing citizens of Earth love mocking his counterpart, Constantine puts a magic knife in his head and drives out the spirits of Nan Madol. That leaves Boston Brand in control of The Sea King's body. Now is he going to go undercover with The Crime Syndicate where he'll find out that Superwoman's baby is actually his?! You just know that Aquaman is always at the top of Lois Lane's Celebrity Fuck List.

Constantine was too thick to realize Boston was inside The Sea King but he never misses an opportunity for a good con! And what better guy to go undercover than Boston Brand? Again. Actually, I think that's all he's really good for.

The final page is a bit of a preview of what The Phantom Stranger has been up to. What else but betrayal? He's joined forces with The Blight and there's no way he's faking it or conning The Blight at all! He's definitely turned traitor! Again! Actually, I think that's all he's really good for.

Justice League Dark #26 Rating: +1 Ranking. At least they didn't battle the Blight the entire time! And I'm glad that they set up infiltrating The Crime Syndicate with Dead Sea King. Oh man, I am so excited for the revelation that Sea King is actually the father of Superwoman's baby!