It's signing time with Talon and Bane! It's signing time with Talon and Bane! Come and play! Come and play! Come and play!
Haven't heard from you guys in awhile. I hope you got your Xmas gifts. My December was the worst one in history, excluding 2010. Give me a call once in awhile, please. You know I'm all alone down here.
I didn't reply because I don't respond well to guilt trips and only remembered to call her earlier tonight while watching Dexter when he mentioned how family is annoying and irritating! I glanced over at The Uncertified Spouse and said, "Oh! I should probably call my mom!" So I spent a an hour or two talking about Cats and Walking Dead and the reason her December was so shitty. It was because somebody let a bunch of Talons loose in Santa Clara. Which brings me back on track to this comic book!
Bane is still pretending he's Batman because that's weird. I've always felt that the villains that populate Gotham City do so because they have huge crushes on Batman. And Bane is just helping prove my theory due to his cosplay choices.
Bane informs Cobb (through the use of grandiose and overly burdened metaphors) that he is taking Gotham City and he'd like William Cobb's help. Cobb would like to see the other Talons freed from the grasp of Gotham's Madmen, so he agrees. And Bane declares he would like to see the Talons free as well because "to know thine enemy, you must become thine enemy." What the fuck does that mean? Is that why he dressed up as Batman? Does that mean that I have to begin writing like Scott Lobdell? No, no! That's only if I want to know my enemy! What the fuck do I care if I know my enemy? And why does Bane need to know his enemy? Doesn't he just want to defeat his enemy? I think Bane has been brain-damaged from too much Venom.
But don't you want to know them first? Like a landmass knows the ocean, tide after tide of endless greetings, wearing away the landmass's resistance one grain of sand at a time?
Little Wooden Ferdie does more damage than the Talon by shoving one of his fist screws into Mister Incandescent's face, rupturing it and sending his goo all over the street. Unless that wasn't Mister Incandescent. This is probably a good time to tell you how my memory isn't so good.
Bane grabs Zsasz by the face and calls off William Cobb before Cobb even gets started. What a disappointment. The only people that have died so far in this great war are nameless prisoners from Blackgate! This war sucks!
Bane is going to clean up this city better than Batman ever did! Nobody will have any individual freedoms but they'll all be too afraid to commit any crimes! Hooray for Bane!
Meanwhile The Scarecrow and Mr. Freeze and some (hopefully expendable) chump named Vortex have just woken up the rest of the Talons. With a nice mixture of Scarecrow's fear toxin and Mad Hatter's brainwashing technology, Scarecrow believes the Talons will fight for the Arkhamites and help them protect their sectors of Gotham from The Penguin and Bane. I don't think they have to worry about The Penguin since he's currently consumed with applying every medieval torture he can think of to Emperor Blackgate's scrotum.
Akrham War #4 Rating: No change. I don't think this can rightly be called a war until somebody with super powers and a stupid name bites the ticket. Buys the dust? Farms the roosters? Sails the crimson byway? Gets a visit from Aunt Flo? Spirals up the down staircase? Goes gently into that good Qwik-E-Mart? Sucks the peanut butter? Tips the waitress in cigarettes? Boils the bunnies? Have I gotten even one euphemism for dying right yet?! Oh! Suffers the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?! Loves too well?! Fucks a Capulet? Mephisto up the yin-yang? Dreams of bottom's ass? Wanders over the Cliffs of Dover? Oh! That one should do it by whatever means a person would judge! That'd do you!