Detective Comics #27

This is a big comic book! It must have thousands of jokes inside of it!

This issue of Batman: Detective Comics contains seven jokes. We will begin by reading the first joke. It is called "The Case of the Chemical Syndicate." That does not sound particularly funny. It sounds like a mystery! Some mysteries are funny though! Like the one called Murder By Death. That one is very funny. At least it was very funny when I was twelve years old. Perhaps it is not as funny now as it was then.

The joke begins with Batman interviewing himself. The first question that Batman asks Batman is, "Why do I do this?" He has a very funny answer for this question! He does it so that nobody else has to witness their parents shot down in cold blood in a moonlit alley full of rats and garbage. That is not the funny part. This is the funny part:

Ah! But you would not do it as well, would you?

Perhaps Bruce would be just as good a Batman if he were poor as if he were rich. Did he not travel the world learning everything he could learn without touching any of his family money? Sure, he always knew he could pick up the phone and Alfred would arrive to save the day with a pocket full of cash and some Toblerone. And it was probably easier to learn how to defeat hundreds of opponents in the pit of death without killing any of them when you knew you had a really big house with a super comfy bed waiting for you at the end of it. I think without money, Bruce would still have been a good Batman. But without his good looks and his charms (by charms I mean succulent penis)? That's a wholly different matter. How would he have learned secret assassination and poisoning skills if he had not been able to seduce all of the top women assassins in the world? He would not have learned them! He would have been arrested for sexual harassment.

Batman continues to answer his own question because he cannot get enough of hearing himself speak.

That is a stereotype and probably racist to boot.

Batman faces a lot of criminals that are not cowardly nor are they superstitious either. Or neither maybe. Perhaps that is why Gotham seems to be so full of lunatics. It is because the regular criminals have been scared out of town by the rumors of a crazed man that roams the night breaking people's bones. Batman believes they are scared of his bat-like appearance. But the thing they are really terrified of are the medical bills.

Batman finds himself on a case hunting down some guy killing partners of the A.C.E. Chemical business. But the two partners that are left get their speech balloons mixed up halfway through their conversation and it's really fucking confusing. Hopefully Batman is smart enough to straighten things out right after he crashes through another skylight.

Perhaps Batman will also find out who stole some of his Narration Box Bat Symbols and decided to give those answers I've been scanning in because the next one Batman says is, "I do it because it secretly thrills me." That doesn't sound like something Batman would admit to! Also, Batman's Narration Boxes have been in dark grey and have not been funny at all. The yellowish Narration Boxes have been full of jokes so they could not be by Batman. Not one of them. Perhaps they are by somebody that goes by the name Mr. Jokes?

See? The Gray Boxes are not funny at all. The other box is kind of funny. If you think about it and somebody explains the joke to you later.

Batman saves the innocent guy and doesn't let the guilty guy get away so I guess it wasn't a very tough choice after all. Batman kicks the guilty guy into a vat of chemicals and completes his crazy journal entry. It is his first entry in his Bat-Diary so I guess that is why it is so funny. This was before Batman remembered he was not supposed to have a sense of humor. But he would learn that it is nothing to laugh about. I don't know what "it" is but believe me, it is not funny. Not at all. But the guilty man that later climbs out of the chemical vat thinks it is funny! He thinks everything is funny! Ha ha! It is all a big laugh! Life! The universe! The chaotic randomness of existence! Oh ha ha! You can only laugh at such things!

Also, this story makes no sense because it is not The New 52 Joker's origin at all! Not even close! It is an old origin of The Joker! This is a story from another world and another time! It is from Preboot Earth! No, no! It is from Pre-Crisis on Preboot Earth! It is a big fat lie! That must be why they got a writer that looks like Lex Luthor to pen this story! So that nobody would believe it. They would read it and say, "Is this a true joke?" And they would look at the guy who wrote it and they would laugh. They would say, "Ha ha! I get it! Lex Luthor is a liar!" And then they would read the next joke in the book which is called "Old School."

You can tell the next story is also a Pre-Crisis on Preboot Earth because it is full of Ben-Day Dots and the criminals are carrying bags with dollar signs on them. Since Jim Lee and Roger Liefeld and Kirk McFarland showed everybody how to scribble lines all over everything, most comic book artists have given up using Ben-Day Dots. And banks have not given out cash in bags with dollar signs on them since the early sixties.

Robin is distracting the criminals with his sexy cheesecake pose.

After the criminals manage to outrun Batman and Robin, Robin learns that Batman films everything that happens with a tiny camera on his belt. Oh ho! Robin sighs a sigh of relief that the internet has not yet been invented yet or else Batman might post some inappropriate videos of Robin changing into his costume. Not to mention other things that I won't mention because the law frowns on pedophilia fan-fiction and I am not interested in writing any of that anyway even if I was going to say, "Ha ha! It was all a big joke!" afterward. I would feel like a criminal myself if I described Robin's throbbing boy member and what Batman would like to do with it. Besides, Batman and Robin's friendship is entirely platonic and I would not like to join the camp of people who think otherwise because they are gigantic jerks sullying the reputation of two great heroes.

I have more clues that this story is from the Pre-Crisis on Preboot Earth if you needed any more! Batman's camera is not digital at all! And he does not have a Bat-Computer to do his work for him! Instead, he must call Commissioner Gordon and have him do the research! Also Batman gets called "mack" and that is a bad word from the olden days that nobody uses anymore. Even The Penguin happens along to point out that Batman and Robin need to update their schtick because they keep telegraphing their moves by speaking them!

But then the Scarecrow comes along and says, "I can read your thought bubbles, you jerks!" So that is what this story is all about! It is the origin of the Narration Boxes! I hate this story. This is not a funny story at all. It is a bad story! It is a very bad story!

Eventually Batman wakes up because it was not just a bad story, it was also a bad dream! Too bad I cannot wake up from it as well!

The next joke is called "Better Days" and it takes place when Batman is seventy-five years old. Or older. Or younger. But probably the first one.

Why is Damian using Alfred's head as a belt buckle? Is nobody else upset about this?

Bruce's guests are Dick Grayson and Tim Drake and Babs Gordon and Alfred Pennyworth and Damian Wayne. They must have forgiven him for telling The Joker all of their secrets. I wonder if The Joker will bring a present?

The fourth joke is called "Rain." I think I know this joke! "Knock knock!" "Who is there? Is it you? The person I have been waiting for to return my love? Is it the person that makes my heart race and the tears to fall? Is it you?" "No, it is only shadows on my doorstep. It is only cloudy images on my window pane. It is only rain."

Except that joke does not have Batman in it, so I might be wrong. Let us see if their joke contains The Batman!

Oh! It does have Batman! And it is a very funny joke indeed! See Batman save the psychopath?! See! See!

Also, the previous joke was supposed to be called "Hero" in the Table of Contents but then it was not called that at all.

The fifth joke is called "The Sacrifice" and it stars The Phantom Stranger. He is not very funny anymore. He played a big prank two thousand years ago and that was the last joke he ever made. He said, "Why are you not laughing Jesus? Don't you think it was a funny kiss? Can you not take a joke, Jesus?" And Jesus said, "Forgive them for they know not what they laugh at." And Judas said, "Oh boy! That prank really took a wrong turn, didn't it? I think I'll see you guys later!" And the Romans said, "No, do not go Judas! This was the best joke we've ever heard!" And the Hebrew People said, "That was it? That was your joke? We do not buy it. I think we shall wait around for a better joke than that."

The Phantom Stranger has decided it is once again time to get back on the joke-telling horse. So he comes to Batman and says, "Stop me if you've heard this one before."

Batman has heard it before! Stop, Phantom Stranger, stop!

The Phantom Stranger does not stop! He tells the joke anyway. But he forgets the punchline and tells it incorrectly. He tells it so badly that The Batman hates this version even more than the original version! This new joke must be very bad if Batman prefers the punchline that goes, "Thomas and Martha Wayne get shot in the head and die. Ha ha!"

The Phantom Stranger has not told a joke in so long that he ruins it by explaining it at the end.

Oh Phantom Stranger! Do not spoil the joke! Do not explain why it is funny!

The next joke is called "Gothtopia" and I think this is the most important joke in the book since it is being told by the regular creative team and it is also the name of the big crossover prank that DC has come up with. In this one, Pamela Isley who is also sometimes called Poison Ivy is yelling at the citizens of Gotham to wake up. It seems she is the only one that realizes Gothtopia, America's Safest City, should not be this at all! It should be Gotham City, Stuff of Nightmares! Although even if she sees the truth, why would she want it back? Old Gotham City was horrible! In Gotham City, Batman's sidekick was a skinny little boy. But not in Gothtopia!

Now that's what I call a sidekick! Mrowwr!

Batman's new sidekick is called Catbird and it is, fairly obviously judging by the excitement in my loinal area, Selina Kyle. She and Batman have the type of relationship that Tim Drake would be super jealous about if he ever found out.

Well, maybe not exactly that type of relationship.

Batman captures Poison Ivy and sends her off to be punished by Commissioner Sionis. So I guess the Black Mask is somehow mindcontrolling every lousy citizen in Gotham except for Poison Ivy. That's a good joke both on everybody and on Poison Ivy! Ha ha! Look at how confused Poison Ivy is! She must feel so alone and afraid. That is really funny when you can point at somebody else feeling like that and say "Ha ha! I am glad that is not me!"

Batman and Catbird help keep the city safe by going from fake accident to fake accident. You can tell the accidents are fake because one of them is reported as an ice cream truck jackknifing on the interstate. That is silly! Ice cream trucks are incapable of jackknifing! Silly Batman! Silly Gothtopia! Sexy Catbird!

The current mayor is The Penguin, so he might be in on this joke as well. Barbara Gordon is Bluebelle and Kate Kane is Brightbat and Dick Grayson is The Gothamite and Luke Fox is Flying Fox and Dinah Lance and Strix and Condor are The Wings of Truth. And everyone is happy and everybody laughs and laughs all day long.

People in Gothtopia are very happy, so they are committing suicide at an alarming rate. It makes sense to Alfred and Selina but Bruce is troubled by all of the happy suicides. He decides to get himself poisoned by Poison Ivy on accident so that he can learn the truth. It is a good plan, The Batman! A very good plan! Except that it makes everybody else sad and they all stop laughing for the entire day. Now they must stop Batman from believing! They must make him believe the not-believing before he unbelieves them all and they begin to believe the beliefs that he's now believing! And that would ruin the entire joke.

Also, the Gothamite might not be Dick Grayson since he should be in Chicago. But I can't think whom it might otherwise be.

Batman allows himself to be captured because he does not want to hurt his friends. And he would hurt them because breaking jaws and bones is what he does best. So instead he is carted off to The Crane Rehabilitation Center where Killer Croc works as a security guard. It makes sense that The Scarecrow would be behind a big gigantic brainwashing joke like this. But are the other criminals in on it as well? Or are they just working with him? It is very hard to get madmen to work together but it sometimes happens.

Here is where I would scan the final two pages to show that the madmen are all in on the plan and Professor Pyg and Harley Quinn and Mr. Freeze are co-conspirators as well. But it's a double page splash and I'd probably break the binding on the book, so you'll just have to imagine it or buy your own copy or pirate it off of the internet. That last one was a joke! I do not approve of that at all! Not at all!

The final joke is called "Twenty-Seven." And I will keep it short. Batman learns how to replicate himself so that there is always a Batman! The end!

Detective Comics #27 Rating: No change. I feel like there should have been a bigger payoff at the end of this. Where was the punchline? Oh! I see it! Now that I've closed the cover! I see it! The joke was on me! There is the punchline! There it is! $7.99! That was a mean joke. Very mean.