Green Lantern Corps #27

Time to read this comic written by my bestest friend in the whole entire world, Van Jensen!

I mean, technically, Van Jensen probably wouldn't say we were best friends if asked. He'd probably say, "Who?" But we have spoken to each other a couple of times. Kind of! Through our mutual Facebook friend, anyway. I think I can pretty much say that I'm part of DC's inner circle now. Don't worry! It won't change me at all. I'll still be the same down-to-earth guy I've always been!

So last issue, the Green Lanterns were busy Green Lantering. That's just a short-hand way of saying they were bickering about anything they could possibly bicker about, battling cosmic threats that were either threats created by the Green Lanterns or threats that existed only because of the Green Lanterns, and punching Hal Jordan in his stupid face. This issue will probably be more of the same.

John and Yrra and Vath and Isamot and two other Green Lanterns I don't know by sight but I just scanned page three (not electronically! Optically!) and noticed they are called Oliversity and Iolande are busy trying to find out who kidnapped a couple of Green Lanterns. Oh yeah! That was the big threat they were dealing with from the pages of Green Lantern. A Durlan dressed up like Hal Jordan told the entire universe to quote sit on my fucking cock and spin, dickheads unquote. Most of them did not appreciate the message and decided to take it out on Green Lantern Embassies (called Sector Houses). It might not be the biggest fuck up in Green Lantern history but that's only because the Guardians of the Universe have come up with some real doozies like The Manhunters and The Third Army. Now it's time to clean up Hal Jordan's mess. Again!

I'd better get out a Judd Winick Jar and start putting a quarter in it every time I say "Again!" so that I can pay him his royalties the next chance I get.

Also, I think Hal Jordan needs to take responsibility of this fuck up not because it was his face the Durlan used when telling the Universe to suck it but because Hal Jordan has a reputation that made that message believable coming out of his face.

The Lanterns begin their investigation and this is where somebody who had ever watched at least one episode of any variation of CSI would probably reference that show.

This is exactly how that one actor in that show does it! And the other one too! In that other show. Unless it's the same show?

Meanwhile, a bunch of old Green Lantern foes that were set free from the sciencells before Relic could destroy Oa are traveling together in a starship convoy across the stars.

Evil Star: "Breaker, breaker! This is Evil Star! Can you turn the chicken up on the outback grill cause we got a cinnamon bun greasing up the anal tract!"
Faceless Freak: "Read you loud and clear, Evil Star! My handle is Faceless Freak! I've got a 90210 on that rubber chicken and I'm heating up the pleasure gel. We'll make sure to flip the switch on the molten teapot before that old gag can do the tango."
Zegor: "Wait a second! We're a bunch of bad guys with no Smokey the Bears in sight and we're not fighting yet? FUCK YOU ALL! EYE LASER ATTACK!"
Evil Star: "Holy shit, Faceless Freak! The angels have pooped on the birthday cake! Repeat! The angels have pooped on the birthday cake!"

You're probably all pretty impressed with my trucker speak. Convoy was practically my twentieth or twenty-first favorite film as a young lad! And we didn't have the internet to learn the lingo plus we didn't have anything to record shows on television so we could play things back to get the phrases exactly right. But I think I learned the language fairly well for only being able to catch it a few times when it aired on Showtime!

Eventually some Durlans break up the fighting so that the bad guys can concentrate on killing Green Lanterns.

Apparently this Sector House was hit by the escaped convicts (or the Khund) because it isn't until halfway through the comic book that Phony Hal Jordan shows two fingers to the rest of the universe. And that's when all the other Sector House's around the universe start getting swarmed by angry locals. So John and the gang head over to Sector 0424 to help out Lantern Vode-M.

Pretty soon every bad guy in the universe will have a Green Lantern Ring Draining Weapon. I hope.

John and the Gang rescue the Green Lanterns kidnapped at the beginning of the issue. The also learn that the Khund are working with the Durlans and making weapons using Relic's technology. As the Lanterns leave the ship of the Khund they defeated, they find that they are surrounded by thousands more Khund ships all headed toward Mogo to destroy the Green Lantern Corps.

Green Lantern Corps #27 Rating: No change. Do people really need to read reviews of comic books that have been out for two years? I suppose when writers and/or artists change. But you kind of already know what you're getting with this book. You either read it because you like John Stewart and/or stories about the entire Lantern Corps. Or you buy it because you love Green Lantern and are a completionist even though you hate John Stewart because every Green Lantern story ties to all the Green Lantern books all the fucking time. But it's not like I need to read it and then sum up my experience for other people so they can think, "Oh really? That sounds like the kind of book I want to read!" I don't even know why I add this final paragraph or the ratings! I guess just to tie all these fucked-up commentaries together somehow. Anyway, read this comic book if you like space things! It is the spaciest!