Red Hood and the Outlaws #26

The Joker? Is it The Joker! I bet it's The Joker! Oh wait! I recognize that collar! It's Preboot 80s Nightwing!

I just finished my last Fuck You New Year's Resolutions Oreo and now I feel sad. Truly, though, Oreos are pretty awesome. I wonder if the creator sold his soul to Satan for the recipe. Because it was worth it. I bet the cream filling is Satan's Jism. Although if that were the case, sucking off Satan in Hell wouldn't be a bad thing at all. It would be a reward! Can rewards and treats be given out in Hell? I bet they get everyone super excited about snack time as the demons pull them out of the burning lake of shit, remove them from the stakes they've been impaled on, chase the rabid dogs away from their gnawed on bodies. Then they lead them to the cafeteria where they're served the choice between Peeps or a long suck on Satan's dick. Peeps were also a snack item created by a person that sold their soul to Satan. But they didn't want to sell their soul for something delicious. The inventor of Peeps sold their soul to make the moronic and ignorant love the shitty, disgusting, nasty marshmallow snack. Oh, I know, you're thinking, "What?! I love Peeps!" I bet, you moronic and ignorant lost soul. I bet you'd choose a Peep over sucking Satan's dick every time! Idiot!

Meanwhile, Red Hood and the Outlaws begins telling a story from one year ago. That story is when Talia resurrected Jason Todd.

One year ago, hunh? I think that might be slightly off, DC.

I'm glad Bronze Tiger exists in this form in The New 52. All of the young Were-Tigers and Rakshasa's must have been feeling so underrepresented in comic books. It's good to see that they have a role model now.

And then back in the present, Ra's al Ghul is flipping the fuck out on Jason Todd. Shouldn't he be happy that Jason Todd helped restore the Ultimate Lazarus Pit? Wasn't that what Ra's wanted all along? I guess he realized the plan was a good one but that afterward, he'd have to kill Jason Todd since he was mainly Talia's pawn. And Talia has been getting the best of him lately, so Ra's has got to make some kind of move.

It's also possible that I just don't know what the fuck is going on. I've spent a lot of time reading Red Hood and the Outlaws while my mind was on other things, like good comic books and games I'd rather be playing, and masturbating into a street busker's coin cup.

Meanwhile Ducra (more powerful than anybody could ever know now that she's been struck down) and Essence are hanging out beyond the gates of the City of Assassins biding their time. Their time will come after Jason Todd saves the day. Then they, I don't know, bring sandwiches?

Oh Roy. Don't give him false hope. It's not like he's The Goddamned Batman. Besides, he doesn't have a gun!

Jason Todd begins acting sensibly although it's a bit too late for it. The plot device where he got mad at Roy and Starfire because they chose to honor his decision to remove his memories was just total bullshit. A horribly contrived event to split up the group. Because if Jason Todd were intelligent (which I have to assume he isn't after the stories I've read in this comic book series), he would have realized that he knew he was a murderer before losing his memories and that he himself wanted to forget about being a murderer and it's his own stupid amnesiac fault that he didn't trust his own self's decisions. Roy and Kory trusted him more than he trusted himself! Maybe he should have left a note to himself that said, "Don't try to remember, you stupid fuck. Also, Roy and Kory are your friends. You enjoy having sex with them. And Oreos. You love Oreos."

And then Roy Harper tells Jason Todd that he's had the power within him all along to remember his memories! All he has to do is tap his heels three times! And believe! And finger Roy Harper's asshole while sucking his cock. Sorry, Jason Todd! Them's the rules!

Oh look! Now he doesn't want to know what he forgot! Now he trusts his old self! Fuck you, Jason Todd! Fuck you right in your urethra.

Ra's al Ghul prepares to kill Roy and Starfire while Jason watches so Jason decides he'd better remember everything. So he remembers a lot of fighting but no sex. Damn. I was hoping he'd remember fucking people. I suppose the fucking memories won't help him escape now. But maybe remembering some of the stuff Batman taught him will!

And that's what happens! He remembers how to pick locks! I wonder if he also remembered how to masturbate using a room temperature watermelon? It might have helped in this situation!

Ducra is a bit upset for some reason. Apparently Jason Todd wasn't supposed to remember himself yet. Now he's going to save the day his way and not the way she wanted him to save it! I think I liked her plan better because her plan would have resulted in Roy Harper getting killed. Although Starfire would have had to die as well and I don't have anything against her. Oh well. I might even agree to Ted Kord never ever again making an appearance at DC in exchange for never having to read another Roy Harper Narration Box!

Jason Todd begins battling Men-Bats and starts off with the line, "Is that all you've got?" Really, Todd? I might have expected that crap from you when you'd lost your memory but you should know better now! Boring, cliche bullshit. It's possibly the single most predictable and boring thing anybody can ever say whilst playing a game of Monopoly!

Sorry. Had a bit of a Young Ones glitch there.

Next Todd takes out Lady Shiva in a few panels but he explains it while he does it so it doesn't seem as improbable as it really is. See, when he trained under her, she taught him how to defeat her because she's a fucking moron. I mean, yes, technically she taught him how to defeat somebody as skilled as she is. Still a stupid move. Also, if Jason Todd knows that move that takes out Lady Shiva in a few panels, why does he have a problem against anybody ever?

Oh, I see. Because the Crane Kick doesn't work on Weretigers!

It's a good thing Bronze Tiger isn't fighting to win since there are no shortcuts to beating him! He's actually just killing time while Cheshire frees Starfire and Roy because Benji and Jade have decided that they don't want to work for crazy all-powerful Ra's al Ghul. Talia probably gives better benefits and vacation time.

Once Jason and his outlaws are back fighting side by side, he informs them that this has been the plan all along. I'm not sure which plan it's been all along. Probably Talia's plan. He also mentions needing to throw some water on a witch and the only witch in the area is Ducra. Unless he means Ra's but Ra's just soaked in the pool so how does that work? One exposure good; two bad? That's what happened to the Untitled, right? Anyway was Talia's plan to destroy Ducra and possibly her father as well? I think Ducra's plan was to keep Jason Todd an amnesiac so that he would be pure enough to apply the Dragon Punch to Ra's al Ghul and knock the immortality out of him. Essence still doesn't know what the fuck is going on. And Ducra now believes that Jason Todd is about to die. I guess it will all just sort itself out next month.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #26 Rating: No change. I just can't wait until this story arc is over because it will leave behind the last vestiges of Scott Lobdell's taint on this story and its characters. Jason Todd has his memory back and the Untitled are gone. Hopefully Ducra will be taken care of next and Essence will go away and join the Teen Titans. And then Tynion can begin writing stories that only deal with the stuff he's begun concerning Talia and Ra's and the League of Assassins.