Thursday, August 29, 2013

Supergirl #23

Supergirl's bum has made me a fan of Mahmud Asrar for life. Not that you can see it here. Just saying. Fucking internet nerds are so critical and literal, I feel like I've always got to qualify my statements!

This cover is terrific. I think it might be the last bit of Asrar art from DC. Hopefully that will change in the future because this guy is solid. I suppose I could start reading Ultimate Comics: X-men if I really need a fix. But I can't afford to start purchasing Marvel comic books too! Who do you think I am? Scrooge McDuck?!

Scrooge McDuck is the only capitalist I respect.

Speaking of sanctimonious, only a sanctimonious tart would spell "poseur" correctly in a speech bubble while fleeing for her life. Just to rub it in the face of everybody who would like to forget about that stupid "u" in there.

I bet Supergirl even pronounced "poseur" in a phony upper class accent just so everybody chasing her knew she could spell it correctly. Even if she sounded like an idiot pronouncing it that way. Sometimes it's important to seem like an idiot in one way so that you can make sure everybody knows you're better than they are in some other way. Whenever I'm on an elevator filled with people, I like to point out that I once had sex. Just so everybody knows where we all stand.

Apparently Cyborg Superman is having a tiff with Jesus.

The figments of Supergirl's imagination rationalize the way you'd expect figments of the imagination to rationalize: poorly. They somehow think Supergirl is acting like a child because she won't allow Cyborg Superman to steal her flesh. I suppose as a creature made from Imaginatron (that's imaginary Inertron. Which is weird because Inertron is imaginary!), flesh doesn't mean anything to them. To them, it's as if Supergirl doesn't want to throw away a candy wrapper. What good is her skin after all the yummy meaty, bloody bits are licked off? She might as well let Cyborg Superman use it. Then Supergirl will be free to find a jar of peanut butter to fall into and make her life complete. I'noxia is the jar of peanut butter in that metaphor! The metaphor is a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!

You know, if those Reese's commercials were based on reality, nobody would have ever discovered the delicious taste of chocolate and peanut butter. Because nobody roller blades while eating out of a jar of peanut butter! And even if someone did and some asshole on a ladder dropped their chocolate bar into the roller blader's peanut butter, I'm fairly certain the roller blader wouldn't pull out half of the asshole's candy bar and begin eating it. The roller blader would probably just scream, "Ugh! Herpes!" and throw the jar of peanut butter at the asshole's head, killing him.

Here's an old Reese's commercial. It just oozes sexual tension. Except for the weird old man at the end that hands them condoms. "Stop trying to be a part of our sexual fantasy, dude!" "You got your dick in my vagina!" There was a futuristic one with a spaceman and his robot that had even more sexual tension than this one.

Yes, because sewage leaking from an upstairs apartment is so much worse than dying from Kryptonite Poisoning. Seriously. I wasn't being sarcastic. That sewage thing was gross.

Supergirl continues to argue with her imaginary friends when she should be running and/or beating them to death. I think when one side of a debate is "give us your skin," you technically don't need a rebuttal. At least not one that doesn't involve a Taser or a shotgun.

This is the only rebuttal you need to the voices in your head. Or to your brother when he catches you eating dog food.

Supergirl eventually succumbs to her past memories and the Kryptonite Poisoning. Cyborg Superman scoops her up while she's helpless and takes her off to the Skin Removal Lab. Supergirl's reaction is to give Cyborg Superman the nickname of "Cy." Seems like an appropriate time for something like that. You don't want to have to spend most of your time pleading for your life saying, "Cyborg Superman." It doesn't really roll off the dying tongue very well.

I hope Cyborg Superman's creator is revealed by the end of this issue because I'm getting sick of everybody taunting me with knowledge I don't possess! How dare you use lack of information as a means to create tension! Tell me who he is so my mind can run wild with the possibilities! Unless Cyborg Superman's creator is Supergirl's dad. I don't want to know that because then things begin to get weird. Hopefully it's one of the Brainiacs.

We all die alone, dumb dumb. Unless you die in a plane crash.

Luckily for Supergirl, Delacore cleanses her of the Kryptonite Poisoning before giving her flesh to Cyborg Superman. Unluckily for Supergirl, he does this by dissolving her into teeny, tiny particles. The Kryptonite Poison is isolated and Cyborg Superman gets ready to be injected with Supergirl when Cyborg Superman's creator attacks!

Castle Grayskull! I mean, Brainiac!

And then things get weird anyway as Cyborg Superman is reconstituted from Supergirl into Zor-el, Supergirl's father. Whoops! Is it really that big a surprise, Cyborg Superman, when I'noxia itself gave you the error message about redundancy last issue? But this is what happens when people get amnesia! Just ask Jason Todd. It's all well and good to not remember stuff until you start wanting to re-remember that stuff! And then everything goes to shit. So now you didn't just kill your daughter, asshole. You are your daughter! That's fucking weird shit man.

Supergirl #23 Rating: +4 Ranking. This book just keeps getting better! Anybody who gave up this book because it may have been moving too slowly and erratically should start picking it up again. Because the character of Supergirl has really been terrific across the whole run but now the story telling has really tightened up. It's a lot of fun!

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