Saturday, August 31, 2013

Birds of Prey #23

Oh my God! Regulus is actually Gene Simmons!

Regulus is dead to me ever since Deadshot killed himself to make sure Regulus died. Who's the fucking genius at DC that decided that multiple ways of resurrecting characters was a good thing? How about not killing characters for some kind of fake tension? If you have the means to resurrect everybody then killing people means absolutely nothing. How the fuck has Damian Wayne been dead for so long when everybody has a formula for bringing back the dead? Here's what you need to do, DC: bring back Damian and then knock it the fuck off. Stop killing people willy-nilly. It serves no purpose unless you're going to let them remain dead.

Not that any of this death and resurrection bullshit is Christy Marx's fault. She's just using a character that was ruined for me over in Suicide Squad. Hopefully he'll end up buried under a mountain of stone at the end of this issue along with Condor. And then Uplink will join the Birds of Prey where Black Canary will come up with some sort of reason for The Birds to exist, and the entire comic can begin with a fresh start. Sound good?

This is where we left off last issue:

Hammerdown just looks like a parody of a 90s super hero. Maybe he's from an Eastern Bloc nation that only had access to counterfeit issues of 90s American comics when he was growing up. So he actually modeled himself after a parody of a parody of a superhero.

While everybody is being controlled by Uplink, they're dreaming very unrealistic dreams that had better never come true ever or I'm going to chop off one of my feet and post it to Christy Marx, care of DC Comics.

Hopefully Dinah's dream is the exact opposite of this bullshit!

Ugh. It isn't!

Stop seeing stuff in him! Condor is awful! He has all the charm of Scrappy Doo and Cousin Oliver combined!

Condor might be the worst character ever created. He has to be using his tele-powers to convince Dinah that he's not the lamest character from Lamestonshire. I now know what super power I would choose if I could have any super power! It would be the ability to enter into a comic book and punch a character in the face.

Batgirl dreams that her family was a happy Seventh Heaven piece of crap family that had never fallen under the influence of that jerk, Batman. I'm not sure why, in her fantasy, her father wears his trench coat to the dinner table. What a weirdo.

Strix's dream is pretty much just a remembrance of the day her family was bombed by the Japanese. The pain of the dream causes her to fight back which causes Uplink to pass out, freeing Strix and Batgirl. Condor and Black Canary were already sealed away for delivery to Regulus before this happens.

This is the same thing I say every time I wake up.

Fifteen pages in and Condor is still alive! I'm so angry!

While Strix and Batgirl battle Whipdown and Hammercrack, Condor and Black Canary are loaded up on a helicopter and taken away. Tsiklon retrieves her beat up teammates with her ass tornado power and they all flee to South America where they'll be sure to kill Condor nice and quickly.

Meanwhile in South America, I forgot that Regulus kidnapped Kurt Lance for some nefarious plan. I suppose this is part of his nefarious plan!

Reuniting Dinah and Kurt so that Condor's heart will break! Ha ha ha! Great plan!

Birds of Prey #23 Rating: No change. I bet Amanda Waller is going to be totally pissed off about this! I wonder when somebody will introduce Amanda Waller and Kurt Lance's love child, Havana Waller Lance? Hopefully soon!

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