Batman Incorporated #13

Is this cover a reminder of Otto Netz and his Ouroboros and his infinite recursion dementia trap? Or is it just supposed to be kind of cute?

Let me guess! Grant Morrison is going to kill Batman now!

I'm reading my comic books all out of order because I received this message from presumptuous:

Im feeling really empty. I want to feel better. I think you can assist. Im sorry to put an obligation on you. Its your fault for making me laugh. Something so deranged to fix an answer I don’t understand. Can you help by reviewing Batman Inc 13?

Thanks Eee!
-presumptuous

Also because this filthy mouthed cook wrote some thoughts on Batman Incorporated #13 that I would like to read before I forget she wrote them but can't read them until I read the comic book.

Also because I have a Tumblr account and somebody is going to spoil something on accident sooner than later. I still have six comic books to read from last week, so sorry all of you Scott Lobdell Superman fans but you'll have to wait for my gentle, calm, beautiful reaction to that one a little bit longer.

Here's a quick recap on what has come before: Talia pissed off Batman and now she's in big fucking trouble. Okay! Let's go!

Holy fuck! This comic book finally caught up to where it started!

What is Bruce Wayne being arrested for? Did he murder Talia? Abuse and murder of his son, Damian? Killing all the Men-bat that fell to their deaths when Batman gave them the Man-bat Antidote, not to mention all of the property damage from their carcasses crashing down on cars and businesses and passersby? Or is this just some kind of ruse?

At the beginning of this scene, Bruce was telling Alfred that Batman Incorporated and Batman and all of that madness was finally over. Why end it now? Is it because of Damian's death? Was he just playing the final part so he could put Talia in the ground? What would finally cause Bruce to give up Batman? Is Grant Morrison going to have him kill? And not by accident or from afar, but personally and with his bare hands around Talia's neck?

Or is this all some sort of ruse to fuck with Mayor Hady and his anti-Batman laws? I'm assuming that Grant Morrison is going to change Batman in some significant way by the end of this comic. I hope he reveals his secret identity to Gordon. In all the time that Batman's been around, has Gordon ever known his identity? Not having followed Batman very closely over the years (because I'm such a huge Aquaman fan and have always loved Aquaman more than everybody else ever but most especially more than the people who began loving Aquaman when he got his blue wave suit and also more than the people who began loving him when he got his beard and hook and also more than the people who began loving him during the Reboot too!), I really don't know the answer to that.

It seems Gordon brought him in to find out why Gotham is being torn apart since the center of the conflict seemed to be Wayne Towers.

I am surprised that he tells him the truth! Come on, Gordon! You can piece together his secret now!

And then the comic goes from continuing the scene that began the entire series to continuing the scene that ended last issue. Kind of like a snake eating its own tail, wouldn't you say?

Talia approaches Batman with sword drawn. His symbol, the metaphor that is his life, is the final thing she must destroy before proving herself to her father. Sure, she doesn't say it's about her father! But what stripper world conqueror ever does? Napoleon. Hitler. Alexander the Great. Zarkov the Traginificent. Read any of their histories (you'll have to wait until 2033 to read about Zarkov) and then throw the history book in the garbage, grab a notepad, write "Daddy Issues" on it, and you'll understand why they all did what they did! Now Talia and Batman are going to go at it one final time.

Not like that! Goddammit! Alfred, get the fucking bat-hose!

So after fighting The Bat-Thing that killed Damian, Batman was still in pretty good physical condition. But after making out with Talia, he winds up with a swollen face and 28 stitches in his head? Damn. That girl can fuck.

While Batman and Talia "Button, Button, Whose Got the Eight Inch Penis", Gotham is burning to the ground and children are rioting in the streets. Although the chaos does provide me with one of my favorite Jim Gordon moments of all time.

Who hasn't hoped, at one time in their life, that total chaos would erupt, allowing you to choke the shit out of some little noseminer? Just me? Fucking liars.

After the kissy-kissy fails to poison Batman because he's too smart to fall for that femme fatale cliché, Talia and Bruce are ready to cross swords. Although speaking of Batman being too smart, he doesn't always go into situations prepared for poisons! How many times has he been drugged by The Scarecrow or The Mad Hatter or The White Rabbit in The New 52 alone? So I can see why Talia would give the poison lipstick a shot. I wonder if she's also wearing her female condom with the Box Jellyfish inside?

Talia's final challenge to Batman? Kill her and save his city.

At this point on the credits page halfway into the issue, I can't guess if Morrison will have Batman kill Talia or not. It seems too easy. Not that the choice to kill somebody would be easy for Batman. But for Morrison to use that as the legacy he leaves to the character seems like a cheat. So I'm really hoping he doesn't do it. Maybe he'll do it in honor of his son. "This is the way Damian would have done it! Here's to you kid!" STAB! KILL! CRY! The only other option I can see is Batman refusing and Talia beating him over and over and over, warning him he's going to die if he can't find the backbone to murder her. And then KAPOW! Alfred blows her head off with his shotgun. Now that would be a fine ending! And traditional! Because, you know, the butler always does it.

Back to the police interrogation room where Bruce is letting it all out.

I can't read this comic book any slower and it's still going by too fast!

When I was looking up how Ma and Pa Kent died in the Silver Age, I wound up reading a forum where people were discussing Grant Morrison's work on Action Comics. I was flabbergasted (I may have been born in the 19th Century) by how many comic book readers hated Grant Morrison's writing. Of course I judged them all. What were they lacking that they couldn't see when a real, honest-to-goodness, capital "W" Writer was expressing his glands craft? How did they not see how beautifully he was braiding together all the multiple threads of his Action Comics storyline? Why were they so dull-witted, slack-jawed, and inbred? I understand that not every story he tells works for every fan. But that is a far different thing than comparing his Action Comics run to Scott Lobdell's Superman run. That's like comparing apples to decomposing organic matter. I wanted to type "apples to dogshit" but I think I've called Scott Lobdell's writing "dogshit" enough times this month.

Back in the Batcave, Batman winds up poisoned by Talia's blade because she's a cheating jerk. While the poison is consuming him, Jason Todd returns with the Ouroboros bomb to trade to Talia for Batman's life. Batman, of course, would rather die than see Talia win. Of course, so would Jason Todd! I mean, Jason Todd would rather not see Talia win, not Jason Todd would rather see Batman die! Although he might! Just not now and not in this story. The Ouroboros Bomb has been disarmed. And Batman has guzzled his antidote. And Talia is pissed.

And then Talia is dead.

That's not Alfred's dainty, well-manicured hand. It's Kathy Kane, headmistress of Spyral and not only Preboot Batwoman but Pre-Crisis-on-Infinite-Earth's Batwoman! She's fucking old school! I'm not one to really wonder how exactly she fits into the Reboot and all since the Batman Incorporated story has always existed in a fuzzy amalgamation of Preboot and Reboot history. The continuity error I'm really concerned with is Jason Todd and his loss of memory when Damian was still alive but he still has his normal memory while completing this story arc! Once again, the continuity fuck up is thanks to Scott Lobdell and his inability to give a shit! And also probably having lazy editors.

Jason Todd rides off and Kathy Kane disappears to run Spyral in a future New 52 series. And Batman is left all alone.

Mostly.

It must be easy choosing not to kill when somebody is always around to do the killing for you! Haven't you ever seen Of Mice and Men, Batman? You're supposed to shoot your own dog!

With the Bat Cave scene over, it's time to finish up Bruce and Jim's chat. Bruce Wayne tells Gordon that Batman has died. But Jim doesn't believe it for a second. And then Bruce is free to go because what do they really have on him anyway? A crazy ex-girlfriend threw his city in the yard and poured bleach all over it? Can't arrest the boyfriend for that!

When Bruce returns home, Alfred takes him out to the family plot where he finds Talia's body and Damian's body have both been dug up and stolen by grave robbers. It could be because somebody plans on resurrecting them. But it also could have been Alfred who moved the bodies so that Bruce wouldn't retire Batman! I suppose it also could have been Titus digging up the yard. I highly doubt it was some Batman arch-nemesis that has control over a pool that can bring people back to life. That would just be silly.

This Jim Gordon Narration Box was really nice.

There is an epilogue with Ra's al Ghul using Lord Deathman's blood to replace his Lazarus Pits. I suppose there's just enough of that fuzzy gray area between Preboot and Reboot history to explain why Lord Deathman isn't currently drifting through space in a tiny little metal box. And then Ra's al Ghul enters his backroom where he has many, many jars growing many, many Damians. I knew Batman could get a new Damian! I suggested a half-guinea pig or half-gerbil hybrid Damian as opposed to that stupid half-whale one, Bat-Thing. I wonder how many Fanboys are going to begin blasting Grant Morrison, once again, for stealing plot ideas from Spiderman! "Fuckin' clone wars now, hunh? Fuck you, Grant Morrison! Why'd you have to make Batman into Spiderman? So stupid! I can tell you're a hack writer because I was able to make a vague, wispy, barely there connection to a Marvel comic book! Plagiarist!"

Batman Inc #13 Rating: +1 Ranking! Woo hoo! Congratulations, Batman Incorporated! You are the first comic book to overtake Snyder's Batman at position #1! Too bad it's only for a microsecond since I'll be moving this comic book down to the retired section now! I'm a fan of writing and Morrison wrote this book right into the top slot of The New 52. Some people are fans of comic book characters or art or continuity; I think those people wouldn't even consider this comic in the top 25. My bias is always to the writing. Always. This book (and the previous Preboot version) was a lot of fun (except for the killing Damian part. That was not fun) and a great comic book experience.

The best part about this comic book ending is that it existed in a nebulous place in The New 52. For strict continuity lovers, it kind of mucks up the works. And I've seen a lot of people hate Chris Burnham's style. I love it but then I love artists that can actually produce art and have actually developed their own unique style. I'm reminded of the scene in Issue #1 when Batman and Robin are chasing the Goat Guy through the meat packing plant and the perspective is skewed as if looking through a fisheye lens. It's absolutely brilliantly done and shows what tight control Burnham has on his visuals. The look of this book has kick and personality. I prefer it far more than pages produced by artists like Jim Lee and David Finch.