Sunday, December 9, 2012

The Savage Hawkman #14

Green Arrow's back?

Last issue, I couldn't tell how last issue ended. Hawkman stated the plan he had for Pike and the Thanagarians was one that they wouldn't like. But since the next time Hawkman appears, he's in Seattle in Green Arrow's comic being hounded by Thanagarian Warhawks, I think my assumption that he shot everyone into space was absolutely wrong. What I believe he did was tell them to give him a 100 count head start and then he fled to Seattle. The reason they wouldn't like it is because Seattle is wet and gray. Also, they would have to make an appearance in Green Arrow and be written by Ann Nocenti. I wouldn't care much for that plan either.

So Hawkman and Green Arrow fight a bunch of Warhawks while in Seattle. At the end of the comic, it seems like they're going to work together to find Hawkgirl and clear Hawkman's name. But then the "Hawkman:Wanted" crossover heads back to New York where Hawkman has a run in with Deathstroke. That issue ends with Pike confronting Deathstroke and Hawkman because apparently at the end of Hawkman #13 when Hawkman had a plan to deal with Pike and the Thanagarians, he actually didn't do shit to them. So the big cliffhanger in the "Hawkman:Wanted" story happens!

Hawkman #14 begins back in Seattle with Hawkman hanging out, once again, with Green Arrow.

Hey DC Comics? I'm glad you had a plan when Rob Liefeld dropped his titles because he couldn't stand editorial planning his titles for him. Wait. That doesn't make sense. If Liefeld left because editorial kept telling him what direction his comic books needed to take, then the comic books should have some direction now that he's gone. But instead, his comic books are a complete mess, they're going nowhere, they have no shard chronology in their own fucking crossover, and yet they still have Rob Liefeld's name slapped all over them. Maybe when the "Hawkman:Wanted" trade paperback comes out, DC can put the story in the right order. If there's any order to be had. I'm pretty sure that the plot of Deathstroke and the plot of Savage Hawkman aren't going to intertwine at all. I think that means calling this a "crossover" is a big lie. So maybe these are just a few random comic books in which Hawkman is being hassled by The Man and shoved under the umbrella title of "Hawkman:Wanted".

Except that last sentence I typed was completely wrong because this issue is called "PART FOUR: birds of a feather" (the capitalization and lack thereof has been accurately portrayed).

Since Part Three ended with Deathstroke and Hawkman in a standoff against Pike in New York, Part Four begins with Hawkman hanging out with Green Arrow on a roof in Seattle. So good!

Why didn't you get her to answer your questions when you had her captured at the end of Hawkman #13? Does nobody remember he had Shayera and all of her guards and Pike and Xerxes as well captured? DOES NOBODY REMEMBER?! Was his plan at the end of issue #13 to set them all free? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

Just so that everyone is clear that I'm not completely insane and losing my mind, here's how Issue #13 ended:

See? Pike, Xerxes, and Shayera all trussed up and ready to be questioned. Instead, Hawkman lets them go. And now in Issue #14, what does he need to do?

Maybe the thrill of the chase is the only thing that can satisfy Hawkman's savage needs.

Perhaps you should have thought of that before letting her go last issue! How does DC believe they can maintain any kind of universal continuity when they can't even maintain continuity between sequential issues of a single comic book?

After Hawkman and Green Arrow beat up another bunch of Thanagarian Warhawks, they discover a portal to Thanagar. Too bad they broke it's power source first. The other thing they discover is a stockpile of Thanagarian weapons. Looks like someone is thinking about invading Earth!

Apparently Hawkman and Green Arrow killed all but one of the Warhawks since they only wind up torturing and questioning the one guy. I think that's okay though. Heroes are allowed to kill alien creatures if they come to Earth without an invite, no matter how civilized those aliens are. The Warhawk refuses to answer any questions except that he reveals all of the Thanagarian's plans while refusing to answer any questions. Basically, this is how the conversation goes:

Hawkman: "Tell us what you know!"
Warhawk: "Your mother fucked Lobo's dog!"
Hawkman: "Ooooh! My mother is dead!"
Green Arrow: "I love my mother!"
Warhakw: "If you love your mother, why are you hanging out with Hawkman? He makes mother's cry! His name means "bloody rim jobs" in Thanagarian!"
Green Arrow: "Yeah, who cares? I want to know why you're invading Earth?"
Warhawk: "Oh that? What's to know? Earth is neutral ground in the Thanagarian war against the Daemonites and the Czarnians, so we intend to make this an outpost in that war. No big deal."
Hawkman: "Wait. I just spent an evening with Deathstroke a few hours ago and he said he killed the last Czarnian. But you're at war with them?"
Warhawk: "Umm. Uh. Hmm. Uh. Editors? Little help on this one!?"

So the Thanagarians are still at war with the Daemonites (most of whom Helspont has killed) and the Czarnians (all of whom Lobo has killed). Not much of a fraggin' war, is it? And just to make sure I wasn't letting my Preboot knowledge of Lobo interfere with the Reboot facts, I dug around issue #9 of Deathstroke for this little gem that fucks up this Warhawk's little story:


Who's lying? Lobo? The Warhawk? DC's editors when they say they've got everything under control?

The Warhawk accidentally spills his guts to Green Arrow and then he literally spills his guts to Hawkman. Ha ha, no. That was a joke. He's actually too cowardly to keep up his "I'll tell you nothing!" act when the gut spilling threat does become literal. He blabs everything to save his miserable life immediately after saying, "Do as you will, mud-lovers. I will NOT betray my queen or my people."

Later that evening, Emma and Carter have a drink with Oliver Queen. Ollie is pretending to be a close friend and associate of Green Arrow so as not to give away his secret identity. But I think he wants them to know since he wears a green sweater to the meeting. He helps Hawkman use one of the Warhawk's gadgets to trace its signal back to New York. I guess now Hawkman will head over to Deathstroke #14 for a brief near-death interlude.

Meanwhile on Aerie, the invisible floating royal mobile castle city of Thanagar currently transported to Earth's upper stratosphere, some guy in profile sits in a life-support golden throne while talking to his aid, a woman named Oracle. Okay, that's not going to be too confusing at all, what with it being Barbara Gordon's old name from the old universe and it being the name of a current omniscient all-powerful being created by Scott Lobdell in Superman #0. Anybody want to place bets that the guy in the throne is Corsar? Evidence of his still being alive will left Hawkman off the hook and "Hawkman:Wanted" can end with Shayera and Katar Hol becoming the best of friends once more!

Since the Warhawks sucked at stopping Hawkman, the mystery man in the throne issues another edict!

Okay. That explains Deathstroke #14 and some of the problems I had with it. But watch for this Chapter to be labeled "Part Four" and Deathstroke #14's story to be "Part Three" when "Hawkman:Wanted" ends up as a shitty trade paperback that nobody should bother buying.

Oh no. Forget everything I just said in that caption. Carter and Emma fly back to New York and they're on the plane discussing the news that Oliver Queen just gave them: a hit on Hawkman has been issued to Earth's mercs. So Emma says:

Goddammit! The entirety of Deathstroke #14 retold in three pages! The fucking time I could have saved!

So at least this comic ends in exactly the same place with the exact same words as Deathstroke #14 ends. Only the art is different. Oh, and I also noticed that Xerxes was ambushing them along with Pike in this issue. So maybe the art was better here in that I could differentiate Xerxes from the Warhawks and Xerxes' other weird soldiers.

The Savage Hawkman #14 Rating: -1 Ranking. At least reading the way this crossover is told, I'm convinced DC isn't writing their comics with the trade paperbacks as their bottom line. This thing is going to need a lot of work to be readable in one continuous sitting.

As an added bonus, here's a picture of Deathstroke's sword!

In the immortal words of George Takei, "OH MY!"

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