Team 7 #3

Forget the fucking picture! There's a guy named "Jimbo" at DC?

Last issue Eclipso was eclipsing people or some such nonsense. I remember a lot of words and very few bullets. Who wants to read words? Not me! Words are for girls! Or boys. It's hard to tell since most words aren't pink or blue so how am I supposed to know which gender enjoys them more? They're mostly black. So are words emo? Fucking words are definitely depressing. Nobody likes to read them. And they're bossy as all get out. Telling me what they say. I'll fucking decide what you say, words! You'll do what I want you to do!

Boy, I hope this issue doesn't have many words. Or Girl.

Oh no! Right off the bat, Slade Wilson is writing (or dictating?) into his War Journal! But this is before he became Deathstroke and he decided to start numbering his entries.

Once Team 7 lands their rubber raft deeper into the island, they climb up a wall of Black Diamonds to arrive at a village that has been completely slaughtered. The people that slaughtered them are still there. But they've been slaughtered too! The mercenaries have Basilisk tattoos and were probably searching to free Eclipso so that Gamorra could use Eclipso's power to enslave the themselves! I mean, enslave the world! Kaizen Gamorra probably doesn't know how Eclipso works since this is a Reboot. He probably thinks he can harness the power of the Black Diamond. He might as well put a starfish on his face and say he's controlling Starro.

They find one villager alive that they can't understand. But then Essence appears and she can translate!

No! Wait! She can...ugh. Idiots.

Luckily Essence is intangible. Hopefully Team 7 doesn't meet any enemies that are intangible. How will they defeat something if they can't shoot it? Essence tells them they need to stop The Others before they get to the Heart of the Island.

But the island has some defenses of its own.

Smoke Monsters!

The leader of the mercenaries realizes protection lies in the Black Diamonds the natives wear and stops the Smoke Monsters from destroying them. But the Smoke Monsters take the small native girl that was with them. They probably took her to Jacob's cabin for safe keeping.

Meanwhile, Essence explains the island to Team 7 and just gets herself deeper in trouble with ABC's lawyers.

Next Slade Wilson calls Cole Cash "Brother" and tells him he had a vision of his comic book being cancelled.

Back on Gamorra Island, their leader Kaizen sits on his throne and holds court with his Minority Report Pre-Cogs floating in their pool of future seeing liquid (and pee). I think the scene change was just to advance time on the island so the two groups can finally encounter one another just outside of the Heart of Hell. This is the parts where the bullets come in!

A bunch of Gamorrans get themselves shot in the face and the belly and other crucial body parts. There are so many body parts to be shot in and the Gamorrans make sure they get shot in every single one of them. Meanwhile, Team 7 make sure to not be shot at all. Not even in one single non-essential body part. Those guys are pretty smart! But they still have to retreat when the Gamorran leader sets off a bomb which blows Slade Wilson a few pages ahead.

This art is fucking shitty.

The rest of the team has no retreated and won't be seen again until they're needed next issue. Meanwhile, Slade Wilson appears again a few pages ahead to race the lead Gamorran to Eclipso's gem. Slade beats the merc there, so I guess his mission is successful in that he kept the Gamorrans from getting to Eclipso. But Slade picks up the gem himself.

I think this, technically, constitutes failure.

Team 7 #3 Rating: No change. Overall, the art in this issue looked like crap. That last page of Eclipso was the best looking thing in the book. I have a feeling one of the artists working on this issue drew that and the other one drew the other garbage. My guess is Jimbo drew Eclipso because I haven't ever seen his work before and Gopez drew the rest because I really haven't been impressed with his stuff yet. As for the story, well, it wasn't anything special. Team 7 meets Lost. Hmm, that makes it sound better than it actually was!

P.S. a few hours later because I forgot something:

Could this little white haired native girl be the future Rose Wilson? Slade mentions his life with Adeline and his sons but no Rose Wilson although she definitely exists as a late stage teen. This would fit if he adopted her since all the other natives have been killed.