Catwoman #14

Is this the first ever picture of Catwoman fully zipped up?

Last issue was the first Catwoman Death of the Family tie-in. How do I know this? Because the cover was the Joker Mask cover worn by Selina Kyle. Why did I wonder if this was a mistake? Because the Joker never fucking appeared in the comic book. Okay, he might have appeared as a man in the shadows who Catwoman gave chase to. And he may have been the one that set Selina up to be a part in a gigantic and deadly chess game on the rooftops of Gotham. But The Joker never made an appearance! Catwoman ended the issue cradling a small child pulled from an exploding Pawn Costume with the word Checkmate written on the wall next to her.

This issue finally bangs the bride, so to speak. Is that a saying? Did I use it correctly if it is a saying?

At the very least, I know Nocenti is writing this since The Joker sounds like one of her Narration Boxes from Green Arrow. Here's a thought: make The Joker sound like The Joker.

So The Joker was behind the chess game. Or else he just infiltrated the chess game to get to Catwoman. Who cares, right? As long as last issue led to this moment where Catwoman has to go with The Joker to save the kid. Being that she's been acting like a hero in every single appearance she's made in The New 52, what can she do? She has to sacrifice herself to save some unknown ankle biter that doesn't even have a home to run off to. So Catwoman goes with The Joker and ends up on a death ride in Elliot Beach Amusement Park. How many abandoned amusement parks does Gotham have? Nightwing's Amusement Park was called Amusement Mile, wasn't it? So this is a completely different place with a completely different Ferris Wheel with a completely different run-down bunch of rides.

The Joker tortures Catwoman for awhile and then lets her know what he wants from her: stop fucking Batman.

I think The Joker is jealous!

Selina slips on the new Catsuit designed by I'm A Fucking Lunatic, Inc. in a series of panels you won't want to miss if you're a big fan of Catwoman T & A. And then the Joker asks the question that everybody has been asking since Catwoman #1 appeared on the shelves.

Okay, not everybody has been asking that.

Her reaction to this question in the following panels answers why her costume has stayed zipped down through the entire run.

Okay, okay! We get it! You like it zipped down! I'll stop fucking mentioning it!

Catwoman could easily have defeated The Joker but he's not one for fighting fair. He's coated the inside of the new Catsuit with a paralysis drug. I knew she should have simply kick boxed him in her underwear! Well, I didn't actually know it. But I wished she had done that! Selina has got to stop acting from moment to moment and think ahead sometimes. But I guess she wouldn't be much of a cat person if she actually thought about consequences and stopped simply thinking about her immediate desires. So putting on a suit made by The Joker without thinking that it's some kind of trap absolutely makes sense with how we've seen Catwoman act time and time again on impulse.

The Joker points out another thing that has been happening again and again in this comic book: The Batman keeps saving Catwoman's ass.

This is the way I see it. Batman is making Catwoman weak instead of the other way around. The Joker is going to do Catwoman more good than he does Batman by breaking up this relationship.

After this, there's a strange two page scene that doesn't make a whole lot of sense but might later. The Joker transports Catwoman up to some stands in the sky where he's placed some corpses dressed like playing cards (Italian playing cards, I guess, since he claims there are "knight" cards), lots and lots of crows, and a sparkly nest for Catwoman. This all plays up the Narration Boxes Catwoman thought at the beginning of last issue where she adored Crows for packing their nest with shiny things. But The Joker isn't psychic, so he's apparently simply well researched with his new little black book full of secrets.

The Joker wins the game of Strip Poker with a full house that isn't a full house at all since he has kings, queens, and knights in his hand. At least Selina seems to understand Poker since she accuses The Joker of cheating. This causes The Joker to supposedly tell a tale about his childhood.

Why is The Joker using the term "gobsmacked"? At least he's using it incorrectly.

Since The Joker is obviously not actually giving away any secrets about himself and his previous life, he must be telling a story about Selina's mystery brother. Of course The Joker knows more about Selina than Selina knows about herself because he has the secrets to everybody in his Little Black Book. Except he might not actually have those secrets! So this story he's making up might just be exactly that: a story he's making up! I'm the king of logic, bitches!

The Joker lets her go so she can take a shower before meeting up with her again the next night.

Yes, The Joker somehow got a truck into the girders of an unfinished skyscraper.

While Selina is thinking about Batman's new problem (which suddenly became her problem), The Joker runs her off her thinking platform high in the sky. Is this her usual thinking spot (her crow's nest from last issue)? Is that how The Joker knew she would be here? Or maybe The Joker simply has an ice truck on the ledges of every building in Gotham in case he's in need of an emergency hit and run on the edge of a building?

By the end of the night, Catwoman realizes The Joker is just trying to use her to get to Batman somehow. And she decides to have no part of it.

Catwoman is a liar. She just whispered to herself before being hit by an Ice Truck that she needed Batman!

But this is all The Joker actually cares about. He wanted to hear it from Catwoman that she isn't interested in domesticating his Batman. Since The Joker's main concern is to rid The Batman of everyone in his life that's making him soft, he doesn't need Catwoman coming to his party. She's unreliable anyway. But at least The Joker doesn't feel he needs to worry about her making Batman soft. I think that was a dick joke.

Catwoman #14 Rating: No change. The Joker didn't sound like The Joker and the situations he set up to torture Catwoman were ridiculous. But then he's The Joker so I should just let all of that slide. He can act however he wants to act. Who am I to say what The Joker should be?! Catwoman, once again, just seemed to react to every situation The Joker threw at her without ever coming up with a plan herself. I'm still loving the new artist and that's probably why this book didn't drop a rank this month. It's very nice to look at.

One last thing: The Joker hands Catwoman a slip of paper at one point when he's offering to reveal secrets. It says "cAtwOman hATes mICE." Is this a clue to reveal something about Selina's past? Was the whole game revealing small bits of information to her? The rooftop chess game? The boy stolen from an orphanage? The amusement park? The mention of being delayed at divorce court while a family gets ripped apart? The repeated mention of Mice, of squeaking rats? The father that deals with meat? The ways to skin a cat: kidnapping, centrifugal force, strip poker, and piranhas (and/or teeth?)? "A O At Ice?" And what about her middle man for this entire thing? Trip Winter? I'm fairly certain a lot of these things will add up to Catwoman finding her mystery brother and her real name.