Batman #15

I don't want to read this in the same way I didn't want to read The Walking Dead #100. It's making my stomach hurt with dread expectation.

After all of the other Death of the Family so-called tie-ins (Seriously. Detective Comics "Death of the Family" issue with the special cover and everything had one panel where Batman remembers he needs to take care of The Joker and one page where The Penguin mentions he's going to a party. Fraud!), I couldn't quite remember where the main story left off.

Oh yeah. Except last time The Joker said "72 hours" instead of "3 days."

The Joker and The Batman's private discussion is suddenly interrupted by Bullock and half the Gotham Police Department. Batman warns Bullock to go away but why should he listen to The Batman? It's one clown against helicopters and M-16s and tear gas and bean bag guns. What could go wrong? The Joker will be apprehended in a page or two and this whole crossover can end early and go home.

Joker has Leather Man Clowns hiding in the trees with their giant bazookas in their hands just waiting to pop off on the cops. The Joker says the word and lots more Gotham policemen die. Batman escapes the chattering tooth trap and pounces on The Joker. But Bats forgot his protection and goes in ungloved.

No wonder Harley has been so upset. The Joker is crushing hard on Bats.

After being kicked into the reservoir by The Joker, Batman wakes up in the Batcave surrounded by The Bat Family that he's going to kill in 72 hours. I'm a bit skeptical on that point. You know, I'm a bit skeptical on all The Joker's points! I don't think he knows any of the Bat Family's secret identities. I don't even believe he's throwing a party! I bet it's a trap! The only thing I do believe is that he cut off one of Alfred's ears. This crossover has to leave some kind of permanent mark on Batman's history and I don't see any of the Bat Family being killed or crippled. Again.

Hey Batgirl! Shouldn't you be consummating your marriage right about now? Maybe get a room in the same hotel as Clayface and Poison Ivy?

The Bat Family would like to politely disagree with Batman about The Joker's knowledge of their identities. Dick is concerned because The Joker freed Raya, a horrible jealous jerk-faced red-headed colleague of Dick Grayson. And The Joker went after Barbara Gordon's mother, Barbara Gordon. And The Joker kidnapped and sodomized Alfred Pennyworth (maybe! The second half of that is just speculation based on really solid evidence. Super solid evidence!). He also left a crazy stuffed animal in Tim Drake's bedroom although that story was written by Scott Lobdell so I wouldn't trust it. It'll probably just be changed in the Teen Titans trade.

Red Robin wants to know what The Joker meant about Batman having his calling card, so Batman tells the story to put them all at rest. He fought The Joker over the bay, The Joker fell in the bay, Batman searched for him on his boat, Batman never found him, Batman came back into the Batcave via a waterway, and later Batman found The Joker's calling card floating in the water near the Batboat in the cave. So everybody put your minds to rest! The Joker doesn't know anything!

"Now that I retell it, it does seem kind of troubling, doesn't it? My bat!" -- Batman

Even after telling that story which obviously raises more questions than it answers, Batman insists that there is no way The Joker got into the Batcave.

Dick makes a strong case but he's still only Nightwing. I'm with Batman on this! Just like Wesley Snipes said in the worst movie ever made, Passenger 57: "Always bet on Batman."

After Batman less than convinces everyone that The Joker is as ignorant as ever about their civilian identities, he rushes off to follow some leads. I think he really just rushes off because he's losing the fucking argument with his Bat-Children. Through his investigation, he learns that The Joker has had Arkham held hostage for weeks. He's been renovating it, getting it ready for Batman's party. He's only been allowing the guards with families to go home regularly, knowing that they'll remain quiet if they want their families to live. So Batman finally heads to Arkham.

Is the party going to have started already? While he was investigating his lead, did the other Bat Family Members run out of the cave and instantly get caught up in his trap? I hope so!

The back-up story has The Joker forcing The Riddler to escape from his cell. That sounds kind of stupid but I couldn't say he was helping The Riddler escape since the only thing The Joker does is drop poison gas into The Riddler's cell. The Riddler escapes and The Joker invites him to the party because The Joker likes the way The Riddler keeps Batman's brain sharp with all of his riddles and games. I'm really getting excited for this party!

Batman #15 Rating: No change. Batman is no longer the single best comic of The New 52. Action Comics is just as good. So I'll let them both sit there at #1 together for awhile. You know, I've never really been interested in The Big Three before but now they're three of the best comics being written. Wonder Woman is the other member of the Big Three for those who couldn't figure that out. I had to say that just in case some one was thinking maybe it was Aquaman. Bwa ha ha!