Saturday, December 8, 2012

The Flash #14

Is "Grodd Gone Mad" a pun? I must be missing something. Everything is a pun in a The Flash comic book!

At some point in the future, the pun "Gorilla Warfare" is going to be used so many times in comic books that it will become the norm. At that point, writers will begin writing comic books about Gorillas in camouflage overthrowing small third world countries and calling the story "Guerrilla Warfare" as the punning title.

I wish I had some old Flash comic books to see how he dealt with talking apes and the Rogue's Gallery back when comics didn't have such a cynical audience. The Flash is the most powerful super hero in comic books (after The Batman and Superman and Green Lantern and Aquaman and...ha ha, no, no. Not Aquaman. He's a fucking joke! (Seriously! All of you people jumping on the Aquaman bandwagon and saying you've always liked him are going to be really embarrassed when you realize you've been fooled by the Emperor's New Clothes of DC's Reboot. Aquaman still isn't cool)) and his enemies were gorillas and people with hand weapons. You're telling me he had trouble defeating these guys? Well, the Reboot has come along and changed all of that to make it more believable! Every member of the Rogue's Gallery has had their power incorporated into their being so they can't be instantly disarmed. And Grodd and his monkeys were born of the Speed Force, so they have a tactical advantage against The Flash and can react to his super speed.

Isn't it nice to read stories about a man that can run faster than light that are finally believable?

Last issue, Gorilla Grodd had been infused with some kind of power that is going to make him an actual threat to The Flash. I think maybe he did a few miles on The Flash's cosmic treadmill.

This statement is incorrect. If you haven't accepted evolution as fact, you're not a rational thinker. Therefore, ALL rational thinkers have accepted evolution as fact.

The continued discussion of evolution in the Narration Boxes on the first page make me long for the days of Rob Liefeld!

History shows that, over time, species change on a genetic level to adapt to the conditions of the world they inhabit.

It's not a new concept. Darwin called it "natural selection."

Oh yeah. That concept has been around for ages! Darwin just simply picked up on it and casually referred to it as "natural selection." And everyone went, "What are you on about, Darwin?" And he would respond, "You know? That thing history has taught us? That idea that isn't new at all and wasn't my insight and grand scientific breakthrough at all? The thing about adapting to the environment at a genetic level." And everyone would say, "What is 'the genetic level'? Are you winding us up? You havin' a laugh?" And Darwin would say, "You may not have heard about it yet, but Gregor Mendel is coming up with some really radical ideas about smooth and wrinkled peas that will tie right in with my belief that we're all walking, talking, civilized monkey men!" And everyone went, "What's that now?" And the Church of England lifted up an eyebrow and said, "Hey now. What's going on over there?" And Darwin said, "Oh, nothing, nothing. Never mind. I'm probably wrong about all of this anyway." And everyone else sighed a big sigh of relief because they didn't want to think about things that might be disturbing no matter how true they were.

Anyway, all of the Narration Boxing on the first page giving the reader a nice elementary school summary of evolution is told simply to say this: Evolution is a gradual process except when it isn't.

Except when it isn't a gradual process it isn't evolution. It's mutation. But that might trouble with the copyright lawyers, so we'll stick with the idea that Grodd's apes "evolved in a flash" and move right along. Nothing to sue over here!

Back to the comic book, Grodd has indeed gotten his hands on the Speed Force. I don't know how he did it though. Maybe the evolution in a flash explanation on the first page was the actual explanation. Perhaps Grodd simply evolved. But probably only after running on the Cosmic Treadmill.

This is the monkeys' plan to keep the real heroes away from Central City.

Turbine the whirligig also has a plan! As does Captain Cold! The only one without a plan is Barry. But that's because he has yet to take his mother's advice to "slow down and think things through." He's just been running around in circles going ape.

Turbine's plan is to visit the Central City Zoo where a talking ape has been in captivity ever since it appeared out of thin air and attacked Barry Allen's safari tour bus twenty years ago. This ape's name is Solovar and he's probably an ape I would remember if I had ever been interested in The Flash. Turbine knows about him because Turbine lived in the Speed Force for eighty years or more.

Speaking of people living in the Speed Force, Iris West and her companions are still having a wonderful time there.

Wish you were here!

Captain Cold's plan is never revealed but it has something to do with Mirror Master. The Rogues will probably end up defeating Grodd's apes at the stadium that are creating the illusion of a ruined Central City while The Flash fights Grodd. It seems Solovar's sole purpose in coming to the future and being rescued by Turbine was to die.

Nooooo! After knowing Solovar for a total of two pages, I'm emotionally attached to him! How dare you kill my favorite character in The New 52?!

I think this is what is referred to as "Gorilla Ex Machina."

The Flash #14 Rating: No change. I don't think I care all that much about The Flash fighting Gorilla Grodd. I prefer my comic book gorillas French who is best friends with a brain in a jar.

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