Sunday, December 23, 2012

Frankenstein Agent of SHADE #15

This penultimate issue is "Last Stand Against the Rot." My guess is the ultimate issue will be "Last Stand Against A Giant Creature With No Eyes and A Steel Reinforced Belly."

Last issue ended with the death of Velcoro (or at least the bisection of him. He is a vampire, after all. Don't they need to have their heads doused in sunlight and steaks served with a whisky mushroom sauce?), the appearance of a tribe of Golden Robot Women, and Frankenstein fighting to the death on an island against said island. That's a lot of stuff happening!

Does the plan begin by entering its mouth?!

The Golden Robot Women transform into a Flaming Golden Sword which Frankenstein uses to hack the island to pieces and remove the last piece of the Soulgrinder from its stomach. Now that he has all of the pieces, he just needs to return to Nina and the last of the S.H.A.D.E. scientists that somehow survived the Rot. Maybe the rendezvous point is Galapagos.

I'm sure once he makes it there, the SoulGrinder will be remade. With it, Frank will make an army of Frankensteins. With his new army, he'll ride off to help out Buddy Baker in Animal Man #15. Ta da! That's it. If there isn't anything more important to scan or talk about, my rating will follow in the next paragraph.

Monument Valley, Utah. The rendezvous point.

Frankenstein has brought the pieces of the Soulgrinder but he's also brought Victor Frankenstein and thousands of Victor's Rot monsters as well. Khalis remains below to fight them. I guess Khalis must be semi-immune to The Rot since he's a mummy! I think Khalis should get his own title. It should be like Highway to Heaven. Khalis could wander from town to town helping Atheists with problems in their lives. It should be called The Itinerant Mummy. Maybe he could have a skeletal raven as his sidekick. Maybe he'd have a group of fans following him around in VW buses although they would only be in a couple of episodes a season. And he wouldn't just help good people! Maybe a child molester would be having problems at work because his boss is a raging asshole. Khalis would arrive to put the boss in his place while his skeletal raven would keep saying things like, "Why the hell are we helping this sicko?" and "Don't we have better things to do?" And Khalis will merely intone his signature line in a voice which shows it means nothing to him at this point because he's been repeating it for centuries on his quest to help the helpless: "It is not for us to judge." And then when he's done the job and he begins walking to the next town, sad music will play as the credits roll.

Khalis is eventually overrun and rotted although it took a lot longer than most organic material. Victor Frankenstein floats up to the top of the Butte to break Frankenstein's heart.

You say semantics, I say semen-ticks.

To destroy Victor Frankenstein and his Mushroom Cloud, Frankenstein shoves him through the Soulgrinder that was quickly set up by the S.H.A.D.E. scientists. It destroys whatever Victor had become but since he was still choking Nina, it turns Nina into a FrankencreaturefromtheBlackLagoon. The rest of the scientists line up and walk through it as well so that Frankenstein now has his legion of Rot-Proof monsters to help defeat Arcane. But he also had a little something more.


I say "Oopsed" because there's no way Frankenstein would have agreed to have another baby after the shitstorm caused by his last child. How does it work, anyway? Do they have to keep upgrading the baby's body parts with bigger and bigger dead children as it needs to "grow"? Or does it just automagically become an adult over time? You know what? I don't want to know! I'm not interested in babies at all and only very slightly more interested in undead babies. I'd read a comic book about one but I don't think I need to know how it was made. You know, the Birds and the Zombies?

Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. Rating: No change. One more issue to go before the end of Frankenstein and he has to find a home in one of DC's other 52 titles. Where will he end up? Teen Titans? Justice League of America? Oh, probably Justice League Dark. Or maybe now that he's made friends with Princess Amethyst, he'll take a vacation in Gemworld.

No comments:

Post a Comment