Dial H #7

Did Manteau turn into The Protozoan Legion?

I forgot that last issue China Mieville called Alan Moore an insensitive pig and a racist. That was pretty funny. I think it was funny. It's funny to call someone a racist, right? But it's not funny to be racist? I think that's how society works. You people and your society sure have some funny rules. I'm glad I don't take any part in it.

The issue begins with Nelson and Roxie on the road. They've been traveling around the world stopping criminals as they search for a second dial. Most of the shots of places they've been just show Nelson's superhero profile, so I really can't take a guess as to what his hero's name might be. In one panel he calls himself the Tree Knight and in another, he's unnamed but it's pretty obvious who he is as he puts a bunch of angry, buzzing Neo Nazis to sleep.

He's the Beekeeper! Yeah, not very imaginative of my to guess that but his epaulets have a "B" and a "K" on them, so I'm pretty sure it's just that simple.

Nelson and Roxie have been investigating "Dial Cults" across the world. The cults are a mix of Lovecraft and phone phreaking and Catholicism all mixed with a schizophrenic's game of telephone. But Roxie is the closest thing to a professional when it comes to the dial, so she's finally ready to confront the man at the head of the Dial Cults in Paris.

I didn't realize they were in Paris all this time since the Eiffel Tower wasn't in any of the shots! Sure there was a flag and a French language magazine so it was obvious they were in France. But there wasn't one single shot of the Eiffel Tower! Although I should have guessed they were in Paris since in the DCnU, Paris is France.

The Church of the Phone. Some days, I think I'm the only one that's not a member since I don't own a cell phone. Sure, I have a burner for my business. But that barely gets any use at all. Quiet clients are happy clients!

Before Manteau and Nelson freak out the Dial Cult's Pope with an appearance of some wacky super hero, let me answer a question I asked a few issues ago about whether or not Nelson can use the Dial to turn into one of the super heroes currently in the New 52: Yes! The scan I made of Dial "H" for Hero from the 1985 edition of Who's Who shows dozens of characters that the kids of that series turned into. One may be Bouncing Boy from Legion of Super-heroes but one of them is definitely Plastic Man! So there you have it! Nelson might one day turn into Martian Manhunter! Unless the character has to be outside the current dimension. Then he'll simply have to make do with turning into Jay Garrick's Flash or Alan Scott's Green Lantern.

Roxie walks in on the leader of the Cult and transforms in front of him to prove to him that she is an angel of the Dial. She doesn't know French so she's memorized a speech which she's having a bit of trouble remembering.

Mecha Woodlouse talk pretty one day.

Back in Littleville, somebody is nosing around. He's got a mole on his face and a nose that looks like it's been punched a dozen dozen times. Maybe it's Robby Reed, the original Dial "H" for Hero kid! Or maybe it's someone else. I wonder what kind of odds Vegas would give on that information? "Well, it's either Robby Reed or one of the other white males on the planet." Maybe I should get a job as a detective. He's asking questions about Dials and Manteaus and threatening people from Ex Nihilo's ex-organization. Since he's threatening people that used to be criminals, that could make this guy good or bad!

Meanwhile, Roxie and Nelson have rented a boat to go diving. They were told something relating to the Dial had been found in an old outpost of Atlantis. Now they just need to dial up Aquaman and they'll be able to take a look for themselves.

More powerful than Aquaman but not right for the job. Next!

Oh! Now the cover makes sense! Manteau is going to turn into Plankton Person! And after another page of fruitless changing from far away so that the reader can't see what silly things they're turning into, voila!

Grunion Guy would have been better.

The Planktonian find the ruins. They also find a bunch of french military gear abandoned down below. Manteau engages in an epic fight with a whale before climbing back on board the boat. They realize that someone on the military team found the dial and used it to escape whatever guardians killed the rest. And then they remember one of the pictures they saw in the French magazine I mentioned earlier.

I don't know my fucking birds so I won't even guess at what this thing is.

So it's off to Canada to find this guy. Meanwhile in Littleville, the mystery man exposes his secret identity. He's The Centipede! He's called that because he can rewind time and it creates lots and lots of weird after images of himself as he reverses timelines that don't work out so well for him.

Dial H #7 Rating: +1 Ranking. Every month there's enough going on in this comic that it doesn't feel like one of these measly new 20 page comics. And you can tell it's written by someone who's serious about writing. Maybe I said that wrong. Lobdell and DeFalco may be serious about writing as well! I guess I should have said, "you can tell it's written by someone who's proficient at writing." Or something. I don't know. Maybe I should have said something else. I hate writing!