Saturday, December 15, 2012

Action Comics #15

I always pictured Clark Kent at home playing Dungeons & Dragons on prom night.

Last issue, the Little Man from the 5th Dimension revealed to Superman that he's been fucking with Clark Kent his entire life. Then the little man made all of the astronauts' heads explode. Judging from the cover and the first page of this comic, it looks like it will be about some of the shit the Little Man pulled across the years.

On prom night about a decade ago, Clark Kent and Lana Lang returned from the dance to find Pa Kent helping out a Little Salesman with his car. Apparently things went downhill from there.

Can't his landlady use her 5th Dimensional powers to know how things were? Come on, lady! At least lie to him that Prom Night could have been worse!

This conversation with his landlady takes place sometime after Issue #12 but before Issue #14 which is two years in the future. Time is flipping out a bit in Superman's head because Vyndktvx has been messing with Superman's life. His landlady, Mrs. Nyxly, seems to be able to force him into future memories as well since she begins speaking of Superman's far flung future and suddenly that's the story taking place.

Unless it isn't and this all changes later when another 5th Dimensional creature decides to fuck with everything. Why should DC even care about continuity when everything can be explained away by 5th Dimensional characters? Man, DC should just let the writers do whatever they want and if the editors hate something, just retcon it into a "5th Dimensional prank!"

In the future, the sun has expanded into a red giant although Earth somehow was not consumed by the expanding ball of burning gas. Perhaps Superman kept pushing the Earth's orbit outward so it remained in the habitable zone as the sun began menopause. Or maybe this future isn't that far into the future since Superman does seem to age and he shouldn't be alive that long. The villains chasing him definitely shouldn't be alive since they're a conglomeration of all the villains he's encountered so far in Action Comics' New 52 run. Perhaps Mr. Vyndktvx simply switched the color of the sun to depower Superman.

Just as quickly as the memory comes on, it fades away and Superman is back on the roof with Mrs. Nyxly.

Superman is such a boy scout. He won't drink simply because it wouldn't be appropriate since there's no way the alcohol is going to affect his Kryptonian Superliver.

The story Mrs. Nyxly tells is that one everybody knows. You know? The sad king that nobody could make happy, especially the dirty rotten smelly court Magician named Vyndktvx. But one day, a new magician came to the court. His name was Mxyzptlk. And his tricks involved fucking with third dimensional champions in a third dimensional universe he kept rolled up in his hat. None of them could ever make him say his name backwards and the king and his daughter were happy once again watching his silly tricks he played on arrogant, goody two-shoes heroes.

While you're not remembering Mxyzptlk, try not to remember Ambush Bug too!

Vyndktvx used the Multispear in an attempt to kill Mxyzptlk. Instead, he accidentally killed the king. The Multispear became the Multitude on 232 different worlds, destroying 230 of them. Jor-el and Superman stopped it from destroying their worlds. And in so doing, Superman fucked up Vyndktvx's arm. So Vyndktvx wanted retribution.

Why are you reading this commentary? Stop it! Go read the fucking comic book! I never have anything funny to say about it anyway. It's so good!

In Clark's past, prom night apparently went well. In the changed past, Ma and Pa Kent are killed in a traffic accident while Clark is with Lana at prom. Also in the past, Mrs. Nyxly escaped from the 5th Dimension to be born as a normal 3rd Dimensional child. Or she possessed it! She still retains some of what she's always been, allowing Superman to see her real image. But she has lost any powers she had except for a necklace with three wishes given to her by Mxy. She's used two wishes but she never gets a chance to use the third.

This is the first time in 782 comic books that I felt bad about scanning in a spoiler. But I told you in the last caption to stop reading! So I don't feel that bad.

As Superman cradles Mrs. Nyxly's corpse in his hands, he hears somebody say, "There you are!" across every moment of his life. And then, in the far flung future, "Shall we begin?" The person speaking means to begin killing Superman.

The back-up story is about Mr. Mxyzptlk and Mrs. Nyxly and their son, Ferlin Nyxly. Mxy always considered Ferlin his greatest trick of all but Mr.s Nyxly hopes it wasn't. Because she hopes his greatest trick will be to somehow come out of his coma and save Superman. I guess we'll have to see if that happens next month.

Action Comics #15 Rating: +0.5 Ranking. That puts it at a tie with Scott Snyder's Batman. This comic has just been unbelievably well done. And I just have to love a good higher dimensional creature story. I love to read them. And I love to write them.

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