Saturday, December 29, 2012

New Guardians #15

Do crossovers ever crossover? Can't we have a Death of the rise of the Hawkman:Rotworld:Wanted Third Army Family moment? It wasn't an accident that I left out H'el on Earth.

My gut instinct was that learning Selfishness should be the easiest lesson for Kyle Rayner to learn. It's easy to want what you want and be led by your desires. After all, Kyle Rayner is an American. He should have this down. But then I realized the guy that is going to teach him how to harness the power of Selfishness is the biggest, most selfish bastard around. He isn't going to want to share. So maybe that's how Kyle will eventually gain the power. He'll realize he simply has to take it and make it his own.

I can't wait to hear the wisdom bombs Larfleeze drops on Kyle Rayner! "Selfishness can't exist without selfishness!" "The heart wants what the heart wants but the hand takes it away and punches the heart in the throat!" "The secret of life, the universe, and everything is mine!" All of his nuggets of wisdom must end with an exclamation point.

Kyle, Carol, and Arkillo are currently descending on Larfleeze's home planet of Okaara. Unbeknownst to them, the Borg Lanterns are not far behind.

Why is Carol telling Kyle not to be cocky immediately as he's going in to learn avarice? I'm pretty sure you have to be an arrogant, cocky bastard to believe everything in the universe is yours!

When they land, Sayd, Larfleeze's pet Guardian, greets them and bitches about how love is such a pain in the ass. This sends Kyle into a memory of two years ago when he first came to Oa and observed the way Ganthet and Sayd treated each other.

Oh Kyle. He didn't mean the misunderstanding was about how he and Sayd feel about each other. He meant the misunderstanding was the "girl" in girlfriend.

As I figured, Larfleeze is less than willing to share his power with Kyle. Carol uses her Blazing Love Chain Power to uncover something that Larfleeze doesn't even know that he wants in the hopes of striking up some kind of trade. Her discovery turns New Guardians into a sappy after-school special in which Larfleeze lost the one thing that ever meant anything to him a billion years ago: his family. Sniff! Sniff! Carol promises him he can find them for him! I guess it just isn't the power of the ring that makes Larfleeze so long-lived. He must come from an immortal race of Goat Gods (the third best kind after Kitten Gods and Raccoon Gods). Larfleeze decides the deal is a good one and begins Kyle's training.

I think I should just stop wasting time reading these comics and just guessing at where the story is going. I'd probably get about 60% right and the 40% I got wrong would be better than the truth.

Larfleeze and Kyle Rayner fight amongst themselves for a bit until their battle is interrupted by the Borg Lanterns. Larfleeze sends his Orange Lantern Corps against them since they can't be assimilated. Probably. And Sayd keeps them at bay with whatever crazy powers Guardians have. I always forget they can do things other than acting self-righteous and judgmental.

The Borg Lanterns grab Carol and begin trying to rip her ring off so they can ungender her. She calls for Kyle to help but then Sayd offers some of those words of wisdom that I expected Larfleeze to bestow.

Eww! How could I have missed this one?! It's such obvious wisdom for avarice! Although my nuggets are still better.

Kyle gains the power of Selfishness and has a bit of a temporary meltdown. But once things are under control, he uses the Indigo Teleport Power and VOOOORPS Larfleeze, Carol, Arkillo, and himself elsewhere. I don't know where because that's the end of the comic book! He leaves Sayd with the Borg Lanterns since they can't assimilate a Guardian of the Universe.

But they can kill Sayd! Sayd dies as the other Guardians of the Universe watch on via satellite television. Ganthet watched Sayd die and the other Guardians are worried. But Ganthet remains unemotional and decides to go take take of Kyle Rayner himself. How many comics in a row has there been a "shoot your own dog" theme now?!

Green Lanterns: New Guardians #15 Rating: +1 Ranking. I still think this is the best of the Green Lantern books. It's been more of a Kyle Rayner book than a New Guardians book for awhile but at least four different colored lanterns are now traveling together. So it's getting back to the whole New Guardians theme.

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