Aquaman #14

Those sharks Aquaman used against their will in Justice League are back for revenge.

Do I ignore the elephant with the gun in the room simply so I can crack jokes at Aquaman's expense? Do I feign shock and surprise that, once again, a single person cut short the lives of nearly thirty people in the matter of minutes? People are going to argue for and against gun control one more time and it'll all be for naught because nothing will change. As long as people fear dying, they will stand adamantly on one side of the argument or the other. Because people afraid of guns want less of them out there. And the other people afraid of people want more guns out there. Let's just get one thing straight before I call Aquaman a stupid cunt: gun advocates need to embrace these dead children as one of the prices to be paid for the illusion of safety the gun they wield gives them. These children died for your right to bear arms. That is the price of the Second Amendment.

For my part, I think that price is a bit high just so a bunch of fearful people can feel safer.

In Drivers Education in high school, people used to have to sit through that film "Blood on the Highways" or whatever it was called. They had to see graphic images of the dangers of driving a car. Maybe we should institute the same policy with guns. People should have to look at image after image of the aftermath of gun violence.

I also think that meat eaters should have to kill one of their favorite animals at least once each year to understand the true cost of the meat they enjoy. So, take my fucking opinions for what they're worth (gold and diamonds, probably!).

And now my Aquaman Commentary is filled with depressing and polarizing gun talk! Thanks a lot, Connecticut Shooter! You ruin everything. Anyway, Aquaman is waiting for me to kick him in the crotch, so I'd better oblige him!

Look at this smug and arrogant bastard. These poor sea creatures simply want to be left alone.

The issue begins in 1820 where a story very similar to Arthur's rivalry with Black Manta is playing out. An Atlantean and a captain of a ship have been battling one another in an escalating conflict based on a seeming misunderstanding. Well, the captain did kill this Atlantean's wife. I guess that's not much of a misunderstanding. But he was trying to save her when he found her attacked by a shark. I'm sure after he saved her he probably would have done other unspeakable things to her like denying her the right to have a semi-automatic weapon. So she killed a bunch of his sailors before that could happen. And then he killed her because you can't have someone just going around killing your sailors. Then the Atlantean took the captain's eye. So the Captain hunted down the Atlantean to take his eyes! And then things really got out of control and it was army against army and, well, then the comic book returned to the present where Aquaman was mind-fucking his sea friends.

What Aquaman was really doing was sending them to his brother Orm to set up a meeting.

I should also point out that a faction in Atlantis believes that the "boy born with purple eyes" will somehow be the end of Atlantis. That's Garth! You know, Aqualad! I would have thought the legend would have said "the boy born with the pathetic afro" but that's just me.

Meanwhile in Belle Reve, Amanda Waller has sent an associate to visit Black Manta with an offer to join the Suicide Squad. Little does she know he's already got plans in motion for the Legion of Doom!

Just like I mentioned last commentary. Black Manta's ultimate goal seems to be to die at Aquaman's hands. Weirdo.

Aquaman's talk with his brother seems to go smoothly. Orm tells Aquaman he didn't hire Black Manta and he isn't planning on attacking the surface world. And since he's promising he isn't lying, that's that! One weird thing about the meeting is that Orm is constantly in shadow as if the creative team is trying to keep his look secret for some big reveal. But he's right there on the cover! So there's nothing mysterious going on with the art here. It's just kind of annoying.

Orm retells the story of his and Aquaman's great, great grandparents killed by the captain of the sunken ship they're meeting within. The Atlaneans sunk the ship but didn't kill the sailors. They let them drown. Then they took the captain to shore when he was about to drown. But he demanded to be taken back into the ocean.

Well, that subtle threat settles that! Everything is good between the surface world and the underwater kingdom!

The issue ends with whoever stole the Scepter of Kings freeing the cannibalistic fish people from The Trench. The thief is never shown but he's about to cause some kind of trouble because the Throne of Atlantis crossover with Justice League begins next month! Or this month, technically, since I'm two weeks behind.

Aquaman #14 Rating: No change. I think I forgot to make fun of Aquaman!