Friday, December 28, 2012

DC Universe Presents #15: Black Lightning & Blue Devil

Guest starring an army of Skrulls!

I'm enjoying DC Universe Presents but it really should cut down the length of the stories to one or two issues. They should raise the price of the comic by fifty cents and flesh it out with four more pages. For me, the draw of this type of comic book is seeing who gets spotlighted every month. After two issues, I feel like I saw enough of the worlds of Black Lightning and Blue Devil and I'm ready to move on. Although Blue Devil could already have a successful monthly comic book after the B-Movie Studio humiliating magical artifacts plot idea. That was simply marvelous.

This issue begins with, I believe, Black Lightning trying on Blue Devil's demon skin.

It's probably a little tight in some places. Oh, you know what places I'm talking about!

Elsewhere in town, Tobias Whale has a new drug on the street that turns the user into an unholy monster from the pits of Hell. Overdosing on the stuff is okay unless your friends panic and rush you into a church until help arrives.

I've never once had a medical emergency where I said, "Quick! Get this man to a church!" Although I did once help a kid that landed a bicycle jump on his face into a school. Nobody exploded.

Back to the main attraction, Daniel Cassidy and Jeff Pierce have taken to getting coffee together. Cassidy wants to team up as Delightning to take down Tobias Whale and get his demon drugs off of the street. But Pierce has yet to lose a family member to the bad guy, so he's not sure he wants to hang out with a guy that wears the skin of a demon. It just seems like a bad idea. But since Jefferson Pierce's dad is an investigative journalist and he's planning on meeting Tobias Whale (or Nebiros (or one of their underlings)) later that night for a scoop, I have a feeling Pierce might soon have the motivation to tackle the Whale. Should I have said harpoon there?

Pierce's dad won't let him tag along for backup, so Pierce decides to go after the big fat white Whale with Blue Devil.

Blue Devil has no qualms about eviscerating the so-called bad guys. Perhaps when they look like zombies, there's an unspoken super hero agreement that it's okay to kill them.

Black Lightning refuses to zap these guys with too much power because he doesn't want to kill anyone. But Blue Devil, having a sense of magic and mumbo jumbo, tells Black Lightning that they're already dead, so it's okay this time.

While Delightning is mopping up the back alleys with zombie brains and zombie gizzards, Black Lightning's father is walking into a trap. Just like a clueless father slash journalist to screw up everything. Dammit. I probably shouldn't have typed that last sentence. Now people looking for fiction about fathers ass-fucking journalists are going to find this site and be thoroughly confused. Sorry, gay father/journalist porn lovers! As they say in the colloquial, "My error!"

Clever, fat man. Clever. Now I'm picturing another level of reality where someone is reading the comic book of me reading this comic book and typing, "Clever, fat man. Clever." And that person is saying, "Nice one, asshole." It's a pan-dimensional waterfall of witty retorts!

Blue Devil and Black Lightning find the Whale and Nebiros because Blue Devil can sense Nebiros. And that wasn't Black Lightning trying on Blue Devil's skin on the opening page. That was Nebiros getting his skin back after Etrigan tore it from his body "long, long ago." And he was screaming because Cassidy's penis must be severely misshapen.

Maybe Cassidy just infected the skin with the Herpes Virus.

The confrontation between naked Cassidy and Nebiros covered in his shredded old skin will have to conclude next issue. As will the fight between Black Lightning and Tobias Whale. Black Lightning zaps Whale so he can save his father but it seems Black Lightning doesn't hit the Whale with enough juice to put him down because he's got so much insulating material.

And that's what Black Lightning gets for refusing to kill people!

Be with us next time for "The Blue Devil in the Nude Mess," or "The Naked and the Dead."

DC Universe Presents #15: Black Lightning & Blue Devil Rating: No change. I'm less excited about the ending of this story than I am about who will be portrayed in issue #17! And all you solicits readers can just bite your motherfucking tongues, ya hear?! I don't want the surprise spoiled! I like finding out when I have the issue in my hands. I'm old fashioned!


  1. Thanks! And a little bird told me I'm going to be super not excited about who stars in Issue #17. Thankfully the little bird didn't ruin the surprise. But now I'm thinking it'll be a Teen Titan or a Ravager! Or maybe DC Universe Presents Ann Nocenti!