Friday, October 19, 2012

The Ravagers #5

Why is Niles Caulder's motorcycle leathers the same design as The Ravagers uniforms?

It's been a couple of days since The Ravagers arrived at the safe house. Superboy arrived at about the same time to speak with Caitlin but they're all still getting settled and healed, so they haven't had time to talk. The young Niles Caulder (because how can young comic book readers relate to an old man, right?) gives them a tour of the facilities and ends up showing them a training room he calls The Arena. Of course they all freak out yet again and get pissed at Caitlin and believe this place isn't any better than N.O.W.H.E.R.E.

I have no idea who Gopez is because his first name does not appear on the cover or here in the credits. Lazy ass editors.

Caitlin Fairchild get in a bit of an ex-lover's squabble (the ex-lover part is a guess!) about how to treat The Ravagers. Niles believes they need to be treated like weapons and soldiers. Caitlin believes they need love and hugs and kittens and chocolate milk. Howard Mackie believes they need more dashes and ellipses. Both at the same time if possible!

I hope Superboy's human DNA is from Niles Caulder.

Four pages in and every speech balloon is filled with ellipses. But I haven't found any errors yet unless one wants to squabble about the use of the ellipses. I think a couple of editors were yelled at after that travesty of a Zero Issue.

After Niles leaves, Superboy and Caitlin get into a brawl slash discussion. Superboy tells her she can beat up on him to get out her aggressions if she answers some questions. So she proceeds to beat up on him while avoiding answering any of his questions. What a Phantom Stranger gigantic asshole.

What? You thought he would ask questions about you? Of course this is about him! Why would he give a shit about your problems?

Meanwhile, the rest of The Ravagers have been left to wander about the complex. While they're talking about whether or not they should hang around, Thunder collapses in some kind of epileptic fit. While he's lying on the ground flipping the fuck out in pain, Ridge, Beast Boy, and Terra all comfort each other. Fucking pricks.

At the end of this commentary, I'm going to figure out the ratio of ellipses to periods.

Niles Caulder rushes in to take care of the problem. He has the computer call Caitlin to the site of the emergency. Good thing her and Superboy are done fighting because she tells Superboy she can't help her, he knocks the snot out of her with this telekinesis, and then they rationally continue on with their lives.

Does she really look like that speech balloon should be coming out of her mouth at this precise moment?

Superboy and Fairchild investigate to find that Thunder is emitting such strong sound waves that nobody can get close. He's Black Canarying all over the place. Only Superboy can sedate him without being harmed. He recovers him and puts him in the medical lab for Caulder and Fairchild to fix up. While they're working on him, the rest of The Ravagers talk with each other and realize they're becoming a team and caring for each other. Superboy gets all emo and jealous but helps them see that they can be a group.

After pages of bonding which is a good thing because it's nice to get this whole in-fighting, not-being-a-true-team thing out of the way in one fell swoop, Thunder's life is saved. But they find a kill switch in his head. The kill switch had writing on it that said "Colony #18." So Mackie's big twist is that Harvest has multiple colonies around the world! Oh noes! I bet some of them are in the Arctic and some of them are in the Antarctic! With this information, the team finally gels and comes together to save the other teenagers still being held by Harvest! And Ridge comes up with the teams catch phrase: "The Ravagers...Engage!"

The Ravagers #5 Rating: No change. Seriously. No change at all. It was awkward and weirdly written but I'm actually glad that they chose to do a full issue on getting the kids to bond and choose to become a team. No more crappy in-fighting and wondering why they're still hanging out together and blaming Caitlin and mistrusting Ridge and being suspicious of Superboy. Now they can all work together!

One last thing though: The Ravagers Punctuation Count!
Periods: 123.
Ellipses: 87...
Exclamation Points: 58!
Question Marks: 49?
Dashes: 33--

All in all, the editing on punctuation and grammar was far and away much better in this issue than the previous five. I think the editors should at least get on Mackie for his overuse of dashes and ellipses when he's really just using them in the place of periods. Mackie ends as just about as many sentences with dashes or ellipses as he does with periods. He seems to feel periods make too definite a statement. On occasion, he used the interrobang which is a favorite of mine (?!). But he just goes over the top and has Superboy use the interroBANGBANGBANG! Now that's conviction!

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