Saint Walker looks like a rag doll's penis.
Uh oh. Time for a flashback featuring a woman in a refrigerator.
"Fuck. The girlfriend has expired! Again!"
Me: "Oh, why hello, officers!"
Police: "The neightbors reported some loud yelling and the sound of smashing objects."
Me: "Oh, well, yeah. Heh. I'm just playing some Call of Duty on the Xbox."
Xbox 360: "He's lying! He tried to choke me!"
Me: "Shut up you lying shitweasel!"
Police: *Smashing my face in and shoving me against the wall* "You're coming with us for technological abuse, you violent bastard!"
Xbox 360: "Don't hurt him! I love him! He can't help himself sometimes!"
Me: *crying* "I'm sorry, honey! I'm sorry! Things'll be different when Black Ops II comes out! I swear it!"
Other than getting angry at mechanical and technological objects that don't act the way I think they should, I'm a complete kitten. I mean, I'm a raging bastard that goes crazy when comic books are written poorly or drawn like this piece of shit I paid good money for!
Whew. That was close. I almost blew the illusion that I fly into a rage at the slightest provocation while reading The New 52! None of this is as funny if everyone knows I'm acting!
Atrocitus flies off with Kyle to beat the shit out of him without Carol Ferris watching. She keeps stopping Atrocitus before he can get any breakthroughs with Kyle. If beating Kyle to a bloody pulp is supposed to release his Rage, how is Carol going to release his Love? That's the comic book I want to be reading right now!
Carol Ferris: "Come on, Kyle! You can do it! You've got to concentrate! Breathe deep. Lie back. Close your eyes."
Kyle: "Okay, Carol! I'm ready! Teach me about love!"
Carol Ferris: "*ahem* How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out...."
Kyle: "What the fuck?! Poetry! I thought I was going to bang Hal's girlfriend! I'm so fucking pissed off!"
Green Lantern Ring: "Rage."
Atrocitus takes Kyle Rayner to some warzone where a father is about to be shot, taking the place of his son. Atrocitus hopes that Kyle's feelings of helplessness in the face of violence and evilness will spark his rage.
Umm, Kyle? Your, um, Green Lantern Ring isn't being restrained. You can, you know, make a construct or something to help out? Idiot.
He looks like something out of Dial H. Hey! I wonder if Nelson from Dial H can ever dial into being one of the regular DC Heroes? That would be fucking interesting. Nelson takes on Superman's powers while Superman is in the middle of some conflict, leading Lex Luthor to defeat him. And then Nelson has some of Superman's memories and suddenly knows his secret identity! And Batman's and everybody's alias that Superman knows! Total security failure for the Justice League!
I think this is where I mention a certain kettle ass-fucking a certain pot.
Instead of working on love, Kyle and Carol head off in search of Fear to learn from Arkillo. And in Sector 2819, the Borg Lanterns are busy assimilating the members of a ship that scans incoming aliens for diseases.
My guess is the entire universe will be assimilated. Except for Madagascar.