Friday, October 26, 2012

Justice League #13

They can take out Amazo with no problem. But an aging writer with cancer and a woman in leopard skin leotards easily defeat them.

Perhaps The Cheetah gets the better of the Justice League because Green Lantern quit? Once your super team loses the Green Lantern, you lose all respect. Suddenly your team goes from universal to merely worldly. And Superman counts as an Earthling. People born on the West Coast are more alien than that redneck farm boy.

Even though everyone saw this two months ago on every news program across the country, here's another scan of Superman and Wonder Woman making out in the sky because I promise to show as much intimacy in my commentaries as possible.

Not as good as Supergirl pleasing herself, but not bad nevertheless.

After the kiss is over, Superman awkwardly pulls back, embarrassing them both. Wonder Woman flies away unfulfilled and Superman stands there trying to cover himself with his cape, just in case that little pervert Jimmy Olsen is somewhere nearby trying to get exclusive shots of his Supermanhood.

And since Superman wouldn't fuck Wonder Woman, she's got to find it somewhere else. Five days later and a Tony S. Daniel double splash page later and Wonder Woman has found her partner.

Daniel, Tony S. "Scissoring in the Park." 2011. Ink on Paper. 13 1/4 by 10 1/4 inches.

As sometimes happens while in the heat of the moment, the two begin arguing. It seems Wonder Woman and The Cheetah know each other as Diana and Barbara. Some kind of accident has occurred, transforming Barbara into this pseudo-leapord. I mean quasi-cheetah! But The Cheetah does not want to rejoin the ranks of humanity. And who can blame her? Anybody in their right mind would rather sit around the Legion of Doom headquarters in the middle of a swamp all day smelling Grundy's farts and answering riddles than work a bullshit nine-to-five job, get married, and raise a bunch of ungrateful children.

The Cheetah knocks Wonder Woman unconscious and leaves her for the Justice League to find. I guess since they were previously friends, she's decided to let Wonder Woman live.

Instead of rushing out to nab The Cheetah, the Justice League decides to take it slow and think through their actions. They've never seen Wonder Woman laid low like that, so Batman and Aquaman head off to interview Steve Trevor about The Cheetah. Barbara Minerva was Diana's first real friend and she helped her and Steve Trevor with their mythological adventures. Eventually she began cataloging items in ARGUS's Black Room. It was there that she cut herself on a mystic Amazonian blade and became possessed by Goddess of the Hunt, Cheetah.

That explains why she had the power to knock out Wonder Woman since Wonder Woman is merely a demigod. During all of this explication, Tony Daniel's artwork just continues to deteriorate. Those first two pictures I scanned? Really well done. But then he draws this guy and claims it's Steve Trevor:

Seriously. This is Steve Trevor. It is!

No wait. I think this is Steve Trevor!

Whoever Steve Trevor is, the Justice League decide to team up with Wonder Woman and help her friend. The plan is to find the tribe that the dagger belonged to and maybe they can reverse the curse that turned Barbara into The Cheetah, even if Barbara doesn't want the curse reversed.

Cyborg does some research and narrows down the possible area of the tribe in the Congo.

Wait, what?!

I think someone has been doing all of their research on Wikipedia again. Steve Trevor said the ritual dagger was from a lost tribe of the Amazon. But Cyborg's research brought him to the Congo. I have to believe Cyborg did the proper research since Cheetahs are from Africa (I just looked that up via Wikipedia! Ha ha!). That means Steve Trevor is a dumb asshole.

The Justice League begins talking about Steve Trevor and Diana's relationship when they should have been keeping an eye out for wild animals. Because by the time Batman notices movement behind them, it's too late! Cheetah slashes Batman in the chest (which probably just knocks the wind out of him because even her goddess claws probably can't penetrate his suit), slices The Flash's Achilles Tendons, dodges Cyborg's white noise blast, and bites Superman in the throat. And guess what that means?!

Super Fabulous Kryptonian Werecheetah! Rowr indeed!

And that's the end of the main feature for this month. The back-up feature has finally moved on to someone other than Shazam. Perhaps Shazam will be getting his own title in January. Anyway, this back-up story is about Steve Trevor.

You would think DC would have a reference sketch of Steve Trevor somewhere in the building.

The synopsis of the first part of this story is that Amanda Waller is going to take over as the Justice League liaison. Why? So she can come into conflict with Batman? She's busy with the Suicide Squad. Why force her to work double time with two different teams? Seems like a dumb idea.

The second part of the story has Green Arrow visiting with Steve Trevor. He had a run in with a guy named Multiplex teamed up with some super powered somebody that Green Arrow didn't get a look at before Green Arrow was knocked out. But he did recover a communicator with an insignia that I don't recognize.

Some kind of Injustice League?

This insignia somehow proves some dangerous rumor true. And even though Steve Trevor was ready to quit this business completely, this news from Green Arrow sucks him back in. The rest of this story will be continued in Justice League of America #1.

Justice League #13 Rating: +1 Ranking. Overall, I just really enjoy the pacing of this comic book. A good percentage is spent on character interactions, a good percentage on plot, and just enough on action to keep the story super barreling along.

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