And so it begins! The first of many other Kryptonians to survive the planet's destruction arrive on Earth!
Issue Thirteen begins with the scene that was included at the end of every issue of last week's releases. I think the scene was supposed to excite people about Superman so they'll begin buying it. But it almost had the opposite effect on me. I was tempted to throw this issue back in the face of my local comic shop owner and scream, "How dare you sell this brain-damaging, toxic bullshit in your store!" But he'd probably point out that I asked him to put in my pull box and that was an implicit contract between us that I'd pay for it. But I can share the pain with people not willing to pay for this tripe!
Just add this moment to Scott Lobdell's Flaccid Science Fiction portfolio.
But putting all of that aside (even though it's so stupid it sticks to the brain like artery clogging cholesterol), what I find most disturbing is that Superman is much stronger than this. And he goes around punching normal human villains all the time. Is this why Superman's fights last so much longer than they normally should? Because he pulls his punches so that he's hitting at a strength that wouldn't harm a normal human? And then he ramps it up a bit each time so he's careful not to kill his opponent? I know the answer to that is no because when he first meets Green Lantern in Justice League, he wallops the fuck out of that guy without considering for a second what kind of defenses Green Lantern might possibly have to survive a punch from a guy that can lift a planet.
I'm sure Superman has accidentally killed a bunch of people. He probably has a vault in The Fortress of Solitude filled with corpses. But he's able to forgive himself because he knows deep down that what he's doing is right and that he's protecting the world. And he's so self-righteous, he's probably compartmentalized that side of him that knows he's killed and buries it deep inside his alien brain. So even if someone were to read his mind, they won't discover he's a crazy ass killer. I bet he even has to kill people that witness when he kills! Maybe he feeds them all to Krypto.
The woman who invented this implausible machine is Dr. Veritas, the Omniologist. Let me give you a moment to let that bullshit sink in.
So her name is Doctor Truth and she studies the science of everything!
I'm tempted to dig through all of my New 52 issues just to find an image of Superman sweating.
Oh you beautiful arrogant bastard. "What are you saying?! I'm not a...a...GOD?!"
Clark heads into the Daily Planet where
I like how Perry acts like they weren't just ganging up on him. If Scott Lobdell were paying attention to his own fucking story, Perry might say something like, "Were we too hard on him?" But instead, Lobdell wants to hammer in the point that Clark is heartbroken about Lois having a serious boyfriend. So Perry notices how sad and forlorn Clark suddenly has become.
I'm sure Lois will stick up for him later so he gets his job back. But at least during lunch, Clark finds a job for Superman.
Well now Superman has seen some really fucking stupid bullshit here on Earth as well!
Why is Supergirl constantly looking for a fight? Chill the fuck out, woman!
Superman #13 Rating: -1 Ranking. I have to give it a negative rating because it was too stupid to believe. Also, the cover asked a question that the comic book didn't answer. The picture on the cover also didn't have anything to do with the story inside. The most believable part of this story was Jimmy Olsen fucking his girl in Clark Kent's shower. And we all know how improbable that is! Maybe I'll like the next issue better!