Catwoman #13

Much sexier than usual. Rowr!

Even though this issue is a Death in the Family tie-in, I can see people fleeing from this title in droves with Nocenti's name on the cover. Maybe it's just me but after her run on Green Arrow and the horrible Catwoman Zero Issue she farted out, I really have no hope for this comic book. I liked Judd Winick's run on this title. He really tapped into what drove Catwoman to act the way she did and it worked. She didn't have any specific demon making her act out of control and manic. But I have a feeling Nocenti is going to change that. Now Catwoman is going to be driven to find out who she really is! Who is Selina Kyle? Does she really have a Russian brother? Who are the people behind the Second Chance Program?

Who fucking cares.

At least the new artist has impressed me on the first page.

I don't know what the fuck is up with the balloon though. My guess would be it marks her territory since this is one of her favorite places. But then she'd need to constantly refill it with helium. She should just piss all over the girder.

These Narration Boxes are clues for the new reader that Ann Nocenti is a horrible writer. A comic that begins with an elementary school report in Narration Boxes has a 95 percent chance of being a complete piece of shit. But I shouldn't let myself be so biased right from the start! I should give Ann Nocenti a chance. A fresh start!

And I should stop making assumptions and just get on with reading the comic book already! Turns out the toy floating from the balloon is the thing that's burning and Catwoman is just now noticing it. She recognizes the toy and freaks out, running from the scene as some grinning madman watches. It's just a silhouette so it may be the Joker. Or it may be the guy from the Second Chance Program. Or it may be that Mr. Bones guy that had Lola killed many, many issues ago since the toy was a gift from Lola. I know that because this scene is followed by a Flashback on the facing page.

Lola kept the gift though because Selina didn't want it. Apparently Selina hates cute. Back to the present, Selina begins chasing the shadow of a person that sent the toy up on the balloon. She chases him across a checkerboard roof with one lone giant white Knight chess piece, past a poster of a green cat head, and to the foot of a gigantic toy robot casting a Cat Signal into the sky. She breaks the light on the robot and comes to a pretty fucking stupid conclusion after all of that.

"...and don't forget about the acid I dropped 20 minutes ago."

Back at her new all-window penthouse apartment, Catwoman gets a lead on a job from Gwen. I'll admit, I'm enjoying the dialogue between Selina and Gwen. But it is the second time Selina had a conversation with someone in this comic book where Selina hates something and her friend loves something. I suppose this theme is going to extend into the rest of the story.

Selina needs to meet some guy at a chess club and he'll give her the job. So her hallucinations from earlier foreshadowed the rest of the book? Will she need to meet some kind of green cat after this?

Catwoman meets up with a man named Trip Winter. His job for her? Move a gigantic chess piece. Apparently two guys are playing a game of chess on top of Gotham with giant chess pieces. And I guess if one of the pieces is moved by a stranger, the move still counts. So Catwoman is to fuck up the game and make the Black Player's move for him, taking out the White Queen with the Black Queen. I'm sure there's a lot more to it because what kind of a stupid game is this? Queen's Bishop to Waynetech Tower. King's Rook to Amusement Mile. Queen's Bishop's Pawn to the Iceberg Casino. Checkmate!

Even though this job sounds pretty strange, Catwoman doesn't ask anymore questions. She's ready to steal an over-sized chess piece for a pocketful of cash. And after a convoluted bunch of tying people and things up (which I don't even want to spend the time to make sense of. I get the gist of it!), she's successful.

Bah. Details, details.

The White Queen explodes but Catwoman manages to save a small boy from out of the nearby Pawn costume before that explodes as well. So how much responsibility does Catwoman have in the death of this woman? None because she didn't ask questions? Or a good measure of it for actually putting the plan in motion? And what does this have to do with The Joker? If he's set this whole thing up, how does it fit in with the Death of the Family stuff? Who's feeding all of these people stuffed into these giant chess pieces located all over Gotham? Don't you think one of the Bat Family would have noticed this wackiness by now?

Catwoman #13 Rating: No change. Nocenti's writing was fine in this issue and the new artist and inker (names I've yet to see in the New 52) were fantastic. The loss of Guillem March is hardly noticed. And as I noted, I don't know how this fits in with the Death of the Family crossover but it was a decent comic book story on its own. A bit of a throwback to the wacky and weird shit that criminals pulled in the sixties and seventies. And even though Catwoman wants to be more responsible and less spastic so that she doesn't cause her friends to get killed, she still isn't thinking very far into the future. I think every issue of Catwoman should end with her smacking herself in the head while mumbling, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"