Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Voodoo #0

The only reason I can see Voodoo needing a Zero Issue is to show how she meets up with Grifter at the end of it. Otherwise we've got the story. Pris captured by Daemonites. Her DNA is stolen and she's cloned. But she's also injected with Daemonite DNA so she gains their powers. Then Voodoo is sent to Earth to gain information on super heroes. And Pris ends up in the clutches of the Black Razors somehow. Maybe they raid a Daemonite lab and take her hostage.

Pris was abducted by Daemonites while giving handjobs in the park.

No wait. Maybe she was doing the Hand Jive in the park.

Whatever disgusting thing she was doing, the Daemonites took her. And the experimented on her and threw her in one of those Empire Strikes Back healing tanks. But she's a wily one and she escapes from the tank to learn that she and dozens of other humans have been abducted.

Why do these Daemonites have so many faces?

Voodoo gets caught and when she fights back, she transforms. She grows claws and wings and realizes that she can read the Daemonites' minds and they can read hers. It's that hivemind space she talks about in Issue #12 with Voodoo. Although I thought Voodoo was telling Pris about this moment when it was actually the other way around. Unless this is actually Voodoo escaping? Who knows?

To escape, Pris crashes through a window and begins falling through the air. Luckily they were in Earth's atmosphere. And luckily she's now strong enough to break through glass that needs to be strong enough to hold back the high pressures inside the ship pushing against it when the ship enters a vacuum.

As she's falling, the Black Razors appear. The Daemonites call for a retreat when they recognize them because the Daemonites apparently have no confidence in themselves. I thought they were only supposed to be afraid of Grifter's mask. The Black Razors drive the Daemonites away and "save" Pris. I put the word "save" in quotation marks because after saving her they taze her and take her captive themselves.

You two will pay for this! Really! They will!

Back on board the Daemonite ship, the Daemonites reveal that they have a clone of Voodoo ready to go. It's just a baby but it must grow super fast in the Empire Strikes Back Healing Tube. It grows up to be another Voodoo but this one is taught to love the Daemonites, hate the humans, and how to shake her ass on a pole.

And then the story moves to the "Now" part where Voodoo gets to meet Grifter so he can rescue her from her failing comic book.

Why do you always Narration Box like you've just smoked five bowls of killer hashish?

Grifter runs out of bullets before he can even wound this Daemonite. The Chosen One is about to die and be less chosen than ever! But then Pris shoots it in the head and saves his life. I suppose Pris is going to be called Voodoo now. That could get a little bit confusing.

Before reading this comic, I felt it was unnecessary. After reading it, I know it was unnecessary. It was simply boring. So it was just like her regular series! Oh shit!

Voodoo #0 Rating: To be continued in Grifter. Oh fucking joy.

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