Saturday, October 6, 2012

Worlds' Finest #5

Another possible Hentai cover. Where's that third tentacle headed?

I'm relieved that Zero Month is finally over. Fifty six origin stories were just a bit too much for me. They sapped my strength and left me twitchy and irritable. Especially Superman and Catwoman. What the fuck kind of train wrecks were those? I'm tempted to send those back to DC and demand my money back. With an apology. And a promise that Scott Lobdell and Ann Nocenti will have to share an office for the rest of the year. And be each others' Secret Santa. Or Secret Hanukkah Harry. However that works.

For now, I'm glad to not have to Photoshop Anguished Fat Man into every comic book and to get back into the regular monthly story arcs, even if that means a majority of the comics are going to be taken up with two big stories for a few months: Rotworld and Death of the Family. The Big Crossovers aren't really my thing any more. Fuck, anybody whose been reading my commentaries on a regular basis might ask themselves if any comic books are my thing any more. And they'd be right to think this. I've got real projects sitting on the back burner while I do this New 52 writing project. The only reason I'm still doing it is for the practice and the ideas. But I may put a stop to it at the end of the year to work on other projects in 2013. Especially since other people on the internets keep plagiarizing me completely or just taking my turns of phrases. The images I expect people to hotlink too (although the worst of them I prank) but stealing my writing? Fuck you, assholes.

This issue begins with Power Girl being blasted in the chest while hooked up to machines and screaming her version of "Is that all you've got?" And since it takes place in Cambridge, Massachusetts, my guess is she's undergoing tests to discover the extent of her invulnerability.

Oh my. Look how ragged her costume is? Guess what's coming up?

Inadvertent Boob Window!

While in Seattle last week, my friends and I discussed Power Girl. They haven't been reading The New 52 but they new about her costume change. I told them I figure they're eventually going to go back to her old costume since at least once each issue, her costume gets all fucked up and ends up with the boob window anyway. It's been five regular issues and possibly boob window costume tears in four of those comics. George Perez just can't let it go!

As Huntress brushes her friend's hair back into place, Power Girl tells her a story that happened once when she was visiting CERN. I bet she was the cause of this:

Not photoshopped. Probably just a fucked up rocket crashing. BUT MAYBE THE END OF THE WORLD! Except the world kept happening for three years after. So probably the rocket.

Karen Starr was checking into a program at CERN which, after years of data analysis, would confirm the existence of other dimensions. She wanders off to get the tour while two of the head researchers remain behind to discuss her. Maybe one of them will become the Black Hole Guy from the Preboot Giffen Doom Patrol! And then Ambush Bug could appear! And the comic book I keep asking for will appear in the Fourth Wave: Cheeks the Toy Wonder!

While walking along the collider, Karen and her flirty pal Fritz are interrupted by a huge explosion. Karen believes a new dimension was opened up by the Atlas Program (that's the name of the experiment looking for other dimensions!). She casually knocks out Fritz with a flick of her finger to keep him safe (and probably severely concussed) while she checks out the explosion. I bet her nice suit tears across the cleavage! Although Perez isn't drawing this scene; Jerry Ordway is. Let's see if he's as attached to the boob window as George.

They've tapped into the Battletech Universe.

I thought the head researcher meant it was going to take months to compile the data they received from the Atlas Program's tests. But I think she meant it would take months to rebuild before they could figure out what dimension the monsters and robots that leaked into our dimension were from. Or she was just being evasive because she and her partner sure were acting suspicious! I think they knew this was going to happen! Shocker!

Karen Starr battles with the mechanoid and takes damage in all the right places.

Her shirt was already low cut so I didn't expect extra boob windowage.

And by the time Karen drags the mech through tons of rock to have it explode in her face above the alps (causing that blue spiral and explosion, no doubt), her suit really takes a beating.

I think it's time for an indestructible costume. I believe Plastic Man isn't currently busy in The New 52. And he'd jump at the opportunity.

After Power Girl finishes the story, Huntress asks her why her costume ends up in rags so often. I imagine Karen really embellished that part of the story as she told it.

Power Girl: "After the fire and smoke cleared, I found myself leaning against a tree high in the romantic, snowy, chilly Alps. My nipples were straining against the fabric of this cute little bra I was wearing. Which was actually all I was wearing by now. That and these little lace panties that I was hoping Fritz could pull off with his teeth later."
Huntress: "Fuck me."
Fanboys: "OH MY GOD YES!"

Afterward, Huntress tells Power Girl a story of what she's been up to. The Huntress was checking out a Take Back the Night rally that was about to be interrupted by a sniper. While Power Girl was having fun and fighting robots and fucking scientists, The Huntress was beating the shit out of that sniper I just mentioned. The art in this part of the story isn't very good and the story is totally anti-man. It's full of Women's Privilege and how men can't even snipe them when they have rallies without the man getting his ass kicked by a strong, prudish woman. Why is The Huntress telling this story that makes her look bad? Her costume doesn't even tear! And it's got a moral and other boring stuff! Although I think Power Girl's story had a moral too: science is bad and dangerous. It's just I was too distracted by her boobs to understand it until now.

Dude, she might care if you cared a little bit. Get a fucking costume and a super villain name. Then according to Union Rules, she'd have to listen to your plot. Also, Helena's costume in that first panel kind of looks like it has a vagina window.

Karen's response to Helena's story is a bit weird. Weirder than my response even!

And there will be another robot to take the place of the one you destroyed when you continue with your experiments. What's your point, Karen? Hel should have let the guy shoot a bunch of women? I think what you meant to say was, "Good fucking work, girl."

And then they fly off to new best friend adventures next month!

Worlds' Finest #5 Rating: +1 Rating. More fun comics with fun interaction between the fun characters of fun, please.

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