What's this? I thought they were going to friends! I'm so naive!
Last issue, Starfire and Blackfire were having a good time reconciling. But after seeing this cover, it looks like maybe Blackfire was just biding her time since she was basically a captive on board Starfire's ship, the Starfire. Basically, her plan was to let Roy's convoluted plan that should never have worked or even been a plan last issue work, so that she could execute her own plan to get on board the Starfire and capture her sister! Scott Lobdell has got to stop this nonsense where everyone is planning everything and manipulating reality around them. And everyone keeps one upping everybody else's plans by somehow knowing the other plans which are horrible plans in their own rights.
I haven't even opened this comic book and I'm arguing with Lobdell's writing of it just on the assumptions I'm making looking at the cover and Lobdell's history of writing stories! Prove me wrong, sir! Prove me wrong.
Oh look! It's a surprise first page shocker.
No, no. Just kidding. It's the typical Lobdell/DeFalco first page tripe. Main character introduces himself. Gives a little back story on who he is (which is obviously still needed 13 issues in). Lots of Narration Boxes speaking directly to the reader as if the character is sitting beside the reader watching the show unfold. Those two bastards might be the same guy drawing two different paychecks at DC.
Why does Starfire need guns? Earth guns, even! I don't think bullets are going to do much damage to fungus/virus/bacteria men. They were already shown to be susceptible to fire and light! So just blast them with your Starfire blast things!
The Blight roll in the tanks because why wouldn't a civilization based on viruses or whatever not evolve militarily in the same way as the meat races. I bet their tank sneezes snot instead of firing shells.
See? All loaded up with snot and ready to blow!
There they are! Staying behind and waving goodbye while their little rebel minds contemplate disregarding direct orders!
Okay, I can't hold my tongue anymore. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP, ROY HARPER AKA SPEEDY!
No, it's not just the Boxes.
The titties! They burn!
But that's not the end of the tragedy that the team must endure before their victory can be complete! The Blight Lord takes one last shot with his gigantic and mighty
Roy! What did I tell you about shutting the fuck up?!
No! Just shut up!
Ugh. NO NO NO!
I'm not listening! LA LA LA LA!
And Roy still won't shut the fucking fuck up.
Except that's not actually the end of the story. Blackfire and Starfire have to talk about how much they love each other and how confusing the choice of covers for this issue was. And Blackfire needs to make sure a random panel is thrown in there where she's thinking about The Thirteen and how scary they're going to be when Lobdell gets around to that shitty cross-over event that actually must be really amazing because he keeps seeding it in the most plot-interrupting ways possible.
Blackfire: "I love you, sister! Please stay and rule with me!"
Starfire: "I would love to but I love my friends!"
Blackfire: "I'm so happy you found love and happiness with your friends!"
Starfire: "I'm so happy you are the Queen of a diseased people!"
Blackfire: "We're such a happy family again!"
Blackfire, thinking: "But I shall kill them all to save them all from The Thirteen!"
Starfire: "I'm glad we all love everything!"
And then back on Earth, the Joker gets a cameo as he's stealing one of Jason Todd's red hoods from his stash on the island where Starfire's ship crashed. I don't know how he knows about it. Stop thinking about things like that. Just fucking go with it. Apparently I need a lobotomy to enjoy this comic book. Maybe I should have done more acid when I was younger.
Red Hood and the Outlaws #13 Rating: -1 Ranking. Perhaps I've gone too far into the Scott Lobdell Hater Camp. Maybe I'll never be able to tell when he writes a good story because he's completely trained me to hate everything he writes. Oh well. We all have our faults!