Monday, October 15, 2012

Green Lantern Corps #13

Look at that smug look on Gardner's face. These are the only two Green Lanterns Earth needs right here.

That stupid Zero Issue is fucking with my ability to remember what was happening in this comic book! Let's see...the Alpha Lantern Corps was destroyed by one of their own members who then took his own life. So that threat is out of the way. And I guess Guy and John must have gone off to have a celebratory beer now that they have one less boss. Or nine less bosses. Or seven less bosses. I forget how many Alphas there were.

The first panel of Green Lantern Corps declares the action is happening in "Deep Space." That's odd! Usually a Green Lantern book will give a specific sector. Since the sectors radiate out from Oa in wedges in every direction, I don't imagine any piece of space in this universe is not part of a Sector. So where is this "Deep Space" place? Wherever it is, the Rokkite Miners are attacked and changed into Borg Lanterns. The Third Army is rising all over the place! I thought it had simply begun on Earth.

After three pages of that, a couple pages are spent on Xar already being broken out of the subcells on Oa! I thought they'd wait at least a half dozen issues before this guy came back.

Of course it's a mystery who released him. But he still hates Guy Gardner! As seen in Issue Zero, remember?!

Meanwhile, Guy Gardner is receiving his promotion from the Guardians of the Universe. These little guys should really just be called Guardians of the Guardians. They don't care what happens to the Universe. They just care if what happens will affect them in a positive or negative way. I doubt these little bastards have any concept of self-sacrifice. Perhaps they need a tour of Blue Beetle's grandmother's house so they can see a picture of Jesus and learn a little something about it. They promote Guy to the newly created position of Lantern Sentinel! Hey? Didn't Alan Scott eventually take the name Sentinel? Is that kind of what this is about? A little homage to the original? You know, the original that had nothing to do with the rest of this bureaucratic galactic police force crap?

The Guardians plan is already beginning to ruffle some feathers. I wish a bird Green Lantern had been in this shot!

The next piece of the Guardians plan is to split up Guy and John, sending them both on ridiculous missions. Guy and a few other recruits have to escort some ambassadors from Ronos back to Oa. And John's mission raises some questions.

So John killed a Green Lantern that was a planet. But the Alpha Corps didn't feel the need to execute him that time for killing a Green Lantern? I think they gave him the wrong message: It's okay to kill Green Lanterns to save the world! Why were they so surprised when he did it again?

Green Lantern Planet Mogo seems to be reforming. The Guardians want to send John to find the location of its reformation and to help restore it. John Stewart jumps at the chance to put Mogo back together. Of course the Guardians want less Green Lanterns, not more. So this is obviously a trick to send John Stewart out into deep space and disappear him.

While Guy and his band of Green Lanterns are escorting the ambassadors across space, Guy receives a call from Voz, the keeper of the Subcells.

Voz: "Hey Guy. How are things going? Say, um, you remember your training days?"
Guy: "How can I forget! It was a bloodbath!"
Voz: "Well, your class is having a reunion."
Guy: "But Voz, I'm the only one left!
Voz: "Technically, there was one more guy there that day."
Guy: "Oh fuck. Xar escaped!?"
Voz: "Yeah. Don't you wish you'd used a secret identity now?"

Guy is worried that Xar is going to head to Earth and begin killing people he cares about like his sister and his brother but maybe not his father. So he takes a few of the other Green Lanterns and heads to Earth, leaving the Ambassador to sputter and turn red.

The Guardians contact Guy and tell him to get the fuck back to his post. But Guy ignores them just like they knew he would.

Well, except that one time that you left old what's-his-name alive. You remember that time? Way back in the Zero Issue?

Surprise! The Guardians let Xar out of the Subcells! What a twist! The real question is why do the Guardians want these ambassadors killed. Perhaps they want to start a war so that their new Third Army can sweep out of the black and save the day, proving that the Guardians are super geniuses and full of foresight.

Guy and his group are attacked by the Borg Lanterns on the way to Earth. They quickly assimilate Vandor (the Green Lantern that had been with John when John killed Kirrt) by pulling him apart and reshaping his body into a three fingered, mouthless, brain showing mess. The other Green Lantern's rings don't seem to have any effect on these guys. Probably because they were made out of the flesh of the First Lantern and Oans. I think. I might be remembering it wrong.

Green Lantern Corps #13 Rating: No change. I'm not finding any of this Third Army stuff exciting yet. How are they going to protect the universe? Simply by assimilating every living being into their army? I guess that'll work.

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