Holy fuck balls! A realistic gun on the cover of a Deathstroke comic!
The issue begins with yet another entry in Deathstroke's War Journal. But I'm not writing it out this time because it just keeps going and going and fuck me it's still going! And he's writing it in real time according to the verb tenses he's using.
That's not usually on his face, is it? Maybe that's his War Journal and the entire thing is dictated while he fights. He does supposedly use more brain power than everyone else on Earth.
But then Zealot showed up and since she's got a name, he graced her with his "Deathstroke," if you get my meaning! I mean his one-eyed Deathstroke! Wink, wink! Or blink, blink? How do you tell with someone with only one eye?
You would think Deathstroke would be more traumatized by his house being blasted by a rocket since that's how his wife and son died. And just a few issues ago, he was ready to kill himself because he missed them so much. I wonder if he'll pull the portrait of Adeline out of his boxer shorts and cry over it.
The missile was shot into Slade's house by Deadborn. Since he has "dead" in his name, my guess is he's from the Wildstorm universe.
He couldn't decide if an M-16 or a Magic Staff would complete his costume the best. So he went with both!
Deadborn acts crazy but Slade can tell he's just acting crazy so that Slade thinks he's crazy. But maybe he's pulling the old reverse no tell double bluff that Ann Nocenti and Green Arrow taught me all about. Maybe he is crazy but he's acting a different kind of crazy so that Deathstroke thinks he isn't crazy but he really is crazy!
You should just skip that last paragraph. I don't think it made any sense.
While Deathstroke and Deadborn fight in the flashback, Zealot suits up and ghost rides a motorcycle into Deadborn to distract him. This really is a Rob Liefeld plot, isn't it? There are guys bragging about being the best fighters. Guys bragging about banging broads while the woman he has sex with doesn't even get one line until page nine and then it's an incomplete sentence consisting of three words. A motorcycle gets driven into someone. Inane chatter happens when inane Narration Boxing isn't happening. And vice versa. It really is terrible.
Anyway, the flashback ends and we get back to the motorcycle chase. Did I mention the motorcycle chase? Well, there's a motorcycle chase!
Why is this comic all about people attacking Deathstroke? The only thing Liefeld did right was to have
Oh come on! I get half-credit for my earlier insensitive guesses, right?
Yeah, Deathstroke! Stop jumping to conclusions! Maybe his missile just got away from him and he didn't mean to blow up your house. And when he called for you to come out and accused you of hiding from a fight, he was talking about going down to the bar to watch a boxing match with him.
I get it, Deathstroke. You just killed Lobo and along comes some guy with a really shitty and insensitive name to people who have lost their children in utero and the writers decide he's better than you. What can you do? The writers have spoken! They decided to make a brand new character that came out of nowhere to be better than you (unless he's actually from Wildstorm. But I don't think so. Unless he is). That's got to hurt. Taken down by one of those no names you wouldn't even fuck.
Of course Deadborn was sent by Jericho. It seems none of the villains introduced in Zero Issues could bide their time. They're all immediately blowing their loads in the Thirteen Issues. Jericho just wanted to make sure Slade was still at the top of his game before he defeated him. Because Jericho, of fucking course, is a well-built, martial arts fighting master. Fuck the curly headed meek kid with the average body. That isn't extreme enough for the post-90's comic book world! Everyone has to be able to kick ass and self-promote their hardcore abilities.
And I'm fucking sick of each and every one of them.
Deathstroke #13 Rating: -2 Ranking. It pains me deep in brain that