Batman and Robin #13

"Shift + r" and "Shift + e" are not currently making capital letters when I type them. At least not in the Tumblr main text box. That's going to make typing Robin over and over a real pain in my ass. I get around the problem by using Caps Lock. Get your shit together, Tumblr! Your reblog shortcuts are fucking up the interface!

Batman and the Boy Wonder are flying up to a cloaked communications satellite in space to make sure it's orbit doesn't get fucked up from the encroaching eclipse. That's another object orbiting the earth hidden from the eyes of scientists and engineers. Does Batman take complete responsibility in making sure that his satellite doesn't run into any other satellites or ships or space stations since nobody else can see it and therefore can't avoid it? And why does Batman have to fly up to make sure the satellite's orbit isn't disturbed? Does that mean every other corporation or government has to send people up to their satellites to make sure they don't get all wonky too? I think Batman is feeding Damian a line of bullshit just to spend some father-son time watching an eclipse in space. Coolest father ever, right?

After they set the manual controls on the satellite (remotely from the ship!), they spin around and Damian gets to see the eclipse from the moon's view: a big black blot on the earth. And underneath that blot: Gotham. It's symbolism or something!

Ha ha! I knew it! Batman, you big softie you!

Maybe when they land from their extended space flight, they'll find zombies have taken over the world! Except isn't The Rot taking over the world right now?

Batman decides to do a Dump and Run on police headquarters while Damian makes his first solo flight in the Batship taking it back to the cave. And somewhere in Gotham, the Saturn Club has begun a dark ritual of darkness.

Worshipers of Goya's Saturn Biting the Heads Off His Children. (Fact check time with Lord Google: "The painting is called Saturn Devouring His Son, you boorish American twat. Tally ho and fuck your mother! Ta ta!"

Fuck you, Lord Google! Why did I ever upgrade to Pretentious Anthropomorphic Google? Normal Google was working just fine.

Robin lands the plane safely, feeds Titus, and calls for Alfred. But Alfred is too busy getting his head bashed in by The Joker to respond. But Robin has other theories as to Alfred's whereabouts.

Mmm, Earl Grey. It smells like Fruity Pebbles!

Damian doesn't feed or pay attention to Batcow. I hope Batcow is doing okay. I bet he's really stinking up the Batcave although Titus has probably taken care of that himself. I bet Alfred actually takes care of all of the Bat-Animals. And now they're all going to be neglected and die because The Joker has Alfred.

Batman's investigation leads him to Mount Hope Cemetery where all of the police and Jim Gordon are hanging out. That's pretty good detective work! A few groundskeepers at the cemetery were killed. But before they died, they called in a report of a zombie attack. Unless it was the zombies calling in the attack like in Return of the Living Dead. Or Night of the Living Dead. Or Late Afternoon of the Living Dead. But Batman does find a clue that it might be zombies after all: open graves! And the dirt was pushed up and out from below. Some detective! What if it were actually gigantic worms, hunh?

Meanwhile, Robin is back in the sewers with his metal detector looking for that thing he was looking for previously in another issue. What the fuck is this kid up to? He finds something and reaches down for it when he's ambushed by...well, by whatever the fuck this thing is:

H.R. Puffenstuff? Is that you?

Robin defeats this guy pretty soundly (completely maimed but probably not dead since Damien wouldn't want to get in trouble) when Batman calls him and tells him to get his ass home. He can't be on the street when he's worth 500 million dollars. Oh, and there might be some zombies roaming about. Telling Damien about the zombies is the wrong thing to do because now he refuses to head back. He stays to fight the zombies.

And loses! No, no. This is all just part of a diversionary tactic. He'll put the second part of the plan into action next issue. I think the second part is "Don't die."

Batman and Robin #13 Rating: No change. This was a mediocre issue that was kind of boring. It's the type of issue that doesn't stick in my head. If not for this commentary refreshing my memory next month, I'd probably read issue fourteen having no memory of what the hell was going on.