Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Sword of Sorcery #1

Now I want to play an Amethyst computer role playing game.

Amethyst hasn't really had any time to get her bearings in Gemworld before she and her mom and all of their new friends are attacked by some crazy berserker types. But all that happened last issue! This issue begins with Amethyst rushing into the fray to help her mother without thinking about the consequences.

Now that she realizes killing a man is easy, the football players back home had better straighten the fuck up.

After a few pages of battle in which Amethyst's mom uses some magic to finish off all of their foes, I realize that I don't want to play an Amethyst CRPG at all! At least not one that takes place in Gemworld. I think I'd rather play an Amethyst Dating Simulator that takes place in her high school. I guess a game that incorporates both would be exactly what I'm looking for! Instead, all I have is stupid Skyrim.

Amethyst and her mother, Graciel, are royalty of House Amethyst. Lady Mordiel currently rules House Amethyst and is probably Lady Graciel's sister. They've arrived in Gemworld and into the helping arms of Princess Ingvie of House Citrine. I hope House Sapphire is full of magic-wielding ninja mermaids!

Speaking of other houses, House Diamond seems to be full of opportunistic assholes.

I guess the value of the stone in our world means nothing in Gemworld.

I wonder if DC decided to make Amethyst older in this comic book to appeal to the male demographic? I'd actually rather read a story about a 13 year old girl coming of age and trying to deal with adult situations than read about a rebellious teenager that doesn't fit in but it's her plucky, out-of-the-norm, bad-mannered attitude that helps her win the day! That's probably what's going to happen, right?

Amethyst and her new Gem-friends flee through a portal back to House Citrine. Crystals planted in the ground act like portals that anybody can use unless someone remains behind to remove the crystal, so one of House Citrine's soldiers remains behind to flee with the crystal. I only explain all of this to point out that Amethyst and her mom are going to have a hard time getting home unless John Constantine plants the crystal he stole somewhere else. In place of the portal crystal, Amethyst's mom leaves a message crystal behind for her sister.

I guess the Way of the Heart is out of the question.

Now that the girl's story is over, it's time for the boy's story about Beowulf! I'm a little bit disappointed that Amethyst's story didn't involve anymore high school drama. But maybe Beowulf's story will get to the Grendel part. That's kind of like high school! The cool kids partying and drinking and not inviting the socially awkward monster from the cave down the street. But he crashes the party anyway and a bunch of people are killed. So the next day, all of the local Viking Media Outlets begin questioning why this happened. How do we stop this from happening again? What was the cause? Bullying? Video games? Interference from the Gods? A horrible generational curse? Diet? The fucking weather?

The boy from Hrothgar's house has found Beowulf and they are now headed back to Hrothgar's mead hall. On the way, Beowulf chops up a bunch of people in a tavern. He doesn't seem to take very kindly to questions. They leave the tavern because they're probably not welcome there anymore and head into Iron Troll country.

Beowulf and his sword versus the Iron Troll and his gatling gun arm? I'll have to go with the guy whose name is on the front cover.

Beowulf has a cybernetic eye (and may be entirely machine) which allows him to pull a Terminator on the Iron Trolls and assess their type and current areas of damage. These are Waynetech War Drones! This comic might be the best world building comic of all of The New 52 even though it takes place in a destroyed world at an unknown time in the future.

Beowulf destroys the Iron Trolls and they eventually make it to Hrothgar's mead hall. Beowulf seems to only feel allegiance to Hrothgar because he was a general. Beowulf is probably a war machine himself and thus programmed to obey the orders of specific military men.

Once inside Hrothgar's mead hall, Beowulf has no time for merriment and mead. He prepares everyone for Grendel's next attack, barricading the entire place and leaving guards outside to warn those inside with their dying screams of agony when Grendel arrives. Too bad when Grendel does come, he chooses the stealthy route instead of the typical Kool-Aid entrance.

I just have one jaw and a single tongue which I'm always biting it. Grendel's mouth must be full of his own blood on a constant basis.

Sword of Sorcery #1 Rating: +1 Ranking. The Amethyst story was decent enough but a bit lackluster, probably because there wasn't any high school shenanigans. But the Beowulf story really carried this issue. I really like the world Bedard and Saiz are building. Best back-up story in all of the $3.99 DC Comics so far.

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