Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Green Arrow #13

Ollie really should carry a mace for when combat goes hand to hand.

Okay Ann Nocenti! I'm ready for you. I'm wearing an anti-ass veil so keep your shitty bunghole away! I'm trusting that you've finally reached your peak as a writer after years and years of experience. This story is going to be your masterpiece! This will be the one that will be so uplifting and so crazily entertaining, it will spontaneously repair all the damage from the strokes your stories have previously given me.

Right from the start, she's put a bit of spin on Green Arrow's bullshit. And by spin I mean she's completely changed history.

The catch up box tells the reader that Green Arrow came to China to battle Jin Fang. Perhaps Nocenti is speaking metaphorically since why he really came was to negotiate buying some stocks back from Fang. The box also says that he engineered a hostile takeover. But in Issue #11, Ollie was told Jin Fang had "close to effective control" of the company. Seems to me, Ollie should have calmly refused to buy Fang's stock and then went out and purchased stock from other shareholders. I'm sure he could have dug up enough stock to remain in control since it was blatantly stated that Jin Fang did currently have control of the company. But what do I know? I actually don't care how all of that shareholder crap works since it's all Faustian Economics. You need money for your business? Get a fucking loan and pay it back and keep everyone else's desires and ethics and greed away from the running of your company.

Also, I've never heard of Suzie Ming. I guess she'll show up later to kiss Green Arrow on the mouth.

The issue begins with Green Arrow already making an assault on Fang's house. Apparently Ollie doesn't give a shit about his secret identity. A blonde American business man insults Fang and starts a fight in his house and then a few days later, a blonde American super hero attacks his house. I'm pretty sure Green Arrow is going to have to kill him at this point.

Good thing Fang's kids are there to explain the cultural importance of the Chinese Queue.

Look how smoothly Green Arrow explains his connection to Oliver Queen before Fang can start asking questions! Notice also how Oliver Queen left out that he started the gigantic fight in Fang's home when Queen was telling Green Arrow what happened. I especially like how Fang and Green Arrow continue the discussion about the Wolf Tech trade while they fight. I guess Green Arrow is just going to become Batman to Oliver Queen's Bruce Wayne. Eventually, Fang sends his zombie ancestors after Green Arrow.

Is this moment supposed to be funny? Am I just not getting Ann Nocenti's sense of humor?

Fang's ancestor ghosts are full of whimsy and the ability to speak English. I think Green Arrow might have to resort to a Boxing Glove Arrow or two. Or he might just get his soul sucked out. Too bad this wasn't the Preboot Green Arrow! Wasn't he missing his soul for some reason or another? But he's the Reboot version and he just about loses his soul this time around too! Except Suzie Ming shows up just in time like a good super hero.

The first thing they do is almost kiss! I was just fucking joking, Ann Nocenti!
Suzie Ming saves Green Arrow and they run off to a cemetery to trick Fang's parents into becoming corpses again. While they run there, Ming and Green Arrow have a discussion about Oliver Queen's business. I guess Suzie Ming takes the time to find out the business of everybody visiting China. Even if they sneak in on a stealth jet. She is a super hero! And I don't know her super powers. Maybe she just knows everyone's plans. And to save face, she's pretending not to know that Green Arrow and Oliver Queen are the same person.

She can kill demons and solve business disputes. Suzie Ming is amazing!
With Suzie's help and a plan to play dominoes incorrectly, Green Arrow destroys a bunch of evil statues brought to life by the dead ancestors. And when the final statues topple, they pierce the grandparent corpses with their stone lances. Green Arrow wins through luck again! Now he just needs to send Oliver over to Fang's house so Oliver can apologize, make the deal, and kiss Suzie Ming before leaving China.

Well, at least he manages one of those. He doesn't apologize and he doesn't kiss the girl. But he does give Fang the Wolftech (Hey! My Blood Bowl Team was named the Wolftech Warlords!) but he rigs it so that if Fang uses it, they'll know and can keep tabs on everything he finds out. He then flies back to Seattle where the action from Green Arrow #14 is already beginning.

Yay! A team up between two of the three worst characters currently in the DCnU! If only Grifter could make the party, it would be shittastic.
Maybe Ann Nocenti is going to turn Liefeld's Hawkman Zero Issue into a dream issue like she suggested he do! You know, now that he's gone and he can't defend himself. He deserves it since he ignored everything Higgins was doing on Deathstroke when he took over. I guess fans of the Green Arrow/Hawkman relationship will really enjoy next month's comic. But did the new versions of them hang out like the Justice Society versions did? I don't know because I never cared about either of them.

Green Arrow #13 Rating: No change. Ann Nocenti wrote an issue of Green Arrow that I could tolerate! Some of her plot problems were just extensions of the problems from earlier, so I didn't hold those against her. Basically the this issue ended is the way Issue #11 should have ended. All of the interim violence was due to Oliver Queen acting like a selfish, narcissistic dumb ass.

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