Batwing #24

We're not off to a good start here, Batwing.

I know, I know! A lot of you are ruining your underwear about this cover. I'm sure you're turning to your friends and saying, "I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! I CAN'T EVEN!" simply to show your appreciation for advertising images from the Art Deco Period which, I think, was around the Civil War era when air travel really became popular. Just look at the clean lines and the limited palette! All that's missing is big block letters saying VISIT.

Oh fuck you. It's actually a pretty nice cover. But this comic book has been so boring lately, it needs something to really draw me in! Like a marine in plate armor battling dragons during a lightning storm on a high cliff surrounded by lava and spewing fire demons!

At the end of last issue, Batwing had been thrown from the top of a building by Lady Vic. Normally this wouldn't be a problem because his name is Batwing which fucking implies that he has the mechanisms and the capability to save himself. But his system shorted out and he's fucking useless without the suit. Every other fucking super hero in Gotham City would be fine because they all carry Batgrapples. But Batwing? Nope. Why would he need that old fashioned technology? He's got a super suit!

This is a good lesson to be learned. For the next Batwing!

Batwing manages to survive with minimal injury to his dignity. Maybe when all of the embarrassing footage winds up on YouTube, it'll be mislabeled as "Batman." Batwing gets his shit together and goes home to lick his wounds while Lady Vic decides to stay in town for a week to hunt him down.

For some reason, Batwing referred to Lady Vic as "Mary Psycho Poppins." She doesn't remind me of Mary Poppins at all! She must have the same accent. Or smell.

Luke's ex Zena is waiting for him when he finally gets home in the morning because her dad died and she's horny. I think that's one of those good news/bad news situations television and movies continue to insist actually happen. Usually it's just bad news and worse news. Although I guess bad news and worse news can be thought of as bad news and better news, if you flip them around! Although if your parents died in a house fire, "your childhood home burned to the ground" just doesn't quite come off as "better news." Maybe you can spin the destroyed house into good news by saying, "Look at it this way. At least you and your siblings won't fight over the house leading to a falling out that causes bitterness and resentment and writing each other out of your lives until the day you die, regretful and ashamed with no loving family at your side!"

The next day, Luke contacts Batman because he needs to get into the lab to fix his suit. Batman asks him what happens and Luke mentions he had his ass handed to him by a blonde from East London. That's all the Great Detective needs to know to peg her as Lady Vic! He's such a genius. Even though he's being written to be a genius, I'm still suitably impressed. Mostly because I don't know how fiction works.

Luke manages to retool the Batwing Armor because he's also a genius. Or he took "Advanced Batwing Suit Engineering" in college. Maybe it's just in his DNA. Hopefully he remembered to add a manual Batgrapple.

Well shit. I guess he did take "Advanced Batwing Suit Engineering."

After Luke makes nice with his mom, he goes after Lady Vic (as evidenced in that scan above!). He finds her lounging about in her underwear and unloads his batspunk all over her face. No, seriously.

Oh yeah! Now I see the resemblance to Mary Poppins!

Batwing's batspunk is loaded with fear toxins and truth serum. It incapacitates Lady Vic and she blabs everything she knows. Turns out "Charlie" was the gangster known as Caligula, the one behind the Marabunta and the man that tried to kidnap Lion's Mane and the boss of Atticus Fontaine who tried to convince Bruce Wayne to sell the diamond mine. In other words, he's the guy behind everything that has happened so far since Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti took over writing duties. And, of course, Batman knows the jerk.

And now Batwing gets to go to Rome! As they say in Rome, "Ha cha cha cha cha!" But first, next month is Zero Year. Which seems like a total waste since it's probably going to be about David Zavimbe and who cares about that quitting chump anymore?

Batwing #24 Rating: No change although I enjoyed this issue much more! Maybe Luke is growing on me or maybe I'm delirious. Or maybe it actually was better! It's hard to tell when you're dealing with art which details are objective and which are subjective. I suppose I should, like every other American, simply trust that my opinion is absolutely objective and move on!

The Movement #5

If I knew Virtue in real life, I'm fairly certain that mask wouldn't stop me from recognizing her.

Hopefully this issue has a little card I can cut out, fill out, and send in to DC to become a member of The Movement. As long as it wouldn't interfere with my duties in my other clubs such as Captain Cosmic, Elfquest, and Mr. Bill, I think I'd be a decent Movementeer!

Man Cannon has hired some mystery sexpots to take care of the Movement in Coral City. He's a bit concerned that other groups are popping up across the country and even in other countries that aren't this one. Like China. And the other ones. I don't have time to list them all! Get a map if you need to know that badly. Oh! Spain! That's another country!

Meanwhile the Police Chief decides to meet with a member of The Movement in neutral territory.

Oh! It's Virtue! I didn't recognize her without the mask!

It's interesting to see two characters in a comic book acting so rationally. Interesting? It's as rare as a Chupacabra that doesn't end up being a raccoon with severe mange. Even after the embarrassment The Movement has caused the police department, Police Captain Chief Meers remains focused on keeping the police force acting for the good of the community. He listens to Virtue's complaints and he's willing to try to compromise with her. In the end, they both want the same thing. A safe community with police acting as part of that community instead of above it. He even shows compassion and sympathy for Virtue and her young friends.

No wonder this comic book isn't selling that great. Comic book fans don't understand rational discourse and interesting characters! Nobody is punching anybody else! Virtue realizes domino masks are ridiculous for hiding identity! They're both wearing normal clothing! What the fuck is going on here?! How are comic book fans supposed to follow this surreal scene?!

This panel had me worried! After all that calm discourse, I thought for sure Virtue would say okay and the rest of the comic would be The Movement playing Nintendo in a dark basement. Luckily for us comic book fans, she's not heeding his warning!

The rest of The Movement are currently holding a trial for the two cops that sexually harassed the young woman in the alley in Issue #1. I'd say the big jerky guilty cop already had time served if you count the number of teeth Katharsis knocked out of his mouth. What more are they going to do to him if they find him guilty? Which they already know he is. Why even bother with a fake trial? To make it look like they're following some kind of rules of justice? Just kick him in the balls a few more times and toss him out on the street. Although they might just have to put him down after this. He's going to be looking for some major payback once he's back on the force patrolling the city.

The trial is being streamed live, so maybe that, simply, is the point. Get their faces out there. Let the people decide if they want to trust them when they run into them in the future. Put a camera on them and then let them show who they really are.

I was going to write a long essay on power and authority, on how those given a mandate to protect the people must protect even the people who show genuine dislike for them, and how citizens must be just as careful in their policing and judgments of the police. Instead, I spent the last five minutes trying to get my thumb to bend like Vengeance Moth's.

Meanwhile, Mouse's writing is interrupted by one of his rats (Gaston, if you want to keep track) who has just seen the Cornea Killer about to claim another victim. Mouse's rats help Mouse with his writing. My helper is unimpressed.

And suddenly very hungry.

As Vengeance Moth takes the cops back to their cell, Joe the Big Ugly One decides to make an escape by shoving Vengeance Moth out of her chair. Are we finally going to get to see her use her super powers? My guesses in the past have been Erratic Flight, Clothing Eating, and Extreme Murdering. Hey, the Vengeance part of her name has to come into play somehow!

I think this constitutes Erratic Flight. Next up, Extreme Murdering. Also as a bonus because of the way the page was set up and rat surfing should always be documented, Mouse!

Mouse gets his ass kicked by The Cornea Killer because he really should have called for backup. This is a team book, stupidhead. If I want to see team members going in alone and acting idiotic, I'll reread the Teen Titans. I expect better out of you! I understand you have an army of rats at your side but you're just going to get them killed too.

Vengeance Moth seems to have some kind of screechy noise power. Maybe it's something about the fluttering of her moth's wings. It could also be that she's just annoying like a moth fluttering about your peripheral vision. Maybe she just drives them crazy. Before things can get too serious with the Vengeance part of her powers, Katharsis storms in to nearly murder Joe. Nearly because Tremor steps in and saves the cops. She also gives them an escape route and lets them go. I'm not sure what Vengeance Moth is doing at this point. Maybe she was distracted by a light bulb.

Back to Mouse, he gets the upper hand with the help of his rats. But The Cornea Killer has some sexy friends with him because The Cornea Killer seems to have purchased People Hunting Rights in Coral City from Man Cannon and Man Cannon's Council Board of Corporate Asshats.

Members of The Graveyard Faction from left to right: Pigpen, Hester Prynne, Ass Holster, and Butterface.

The Movement #5 Rating: +1 Ranking. I checked figures for comic book sales in August and The Movement was right around the bottom near Ann Nocenti's Katana. That's a travesty. I have a theory that Ann Nocenti just randomly pounds away at a keyboard and turns in her script with whatever Autocorrect decided she was trying to say. But Gail Simone is knocking it out of the park with this comic. I can only hope that word of mouth continues to spread or DC just starts slapping Batman on the cover simply so more people will give this book a chance. Come on, people! I can't give this thing any more of a boost than I already am. And while you're at the comic book store picking up any copies of The Movement lying around, pick up All Star Western as well!

Forever Evil #2

How dare this cover tease me like this!

DC probably feels that having Scott Lobdell on Teen Titans is good enough since the characters that make up the Teen Titans have a huge and loyal fandom that are willing to purchase the book even with the shitty writing. But can you imagine if they had an amazing writer heading Teen Titans? I have a feeling that book could rival X-Men monthly numbers if you had fans of the Teen Titans and fans of great comic books purchasing it. But I truly believe that DC doesn't think writing matters. Their marketing department probably believes that books simply sell because of the characters on the cover and, maybe, the name of the artist as well.

All of which makes me wonder why they even try things like putting out a Vibe comic book? The character isn't going to sell the book. Did they think adding "Justice League of America" on the cover would sell the book? Maybe it would be Geoff Johns name that made the difference (even though it went to Sterling Gates very quickly)? But you know what's not helping the book? The fact that it's actually fun and entertaining. Have comics simply hit a price point that makes it too hard to convince people to try out a title? Why would I want to spend $2.99 per month on a Vibe comic book? I'd probably rather pick up Ann Nocenti's Catwoman for that so I can get two dollars and ninety-nine cents worth of ranting and raving about how awful it is. Although I am enjoying the art!

What was I saying? Oh yeah! I hope this cover is simply a metaphor for a big change coming in the Teen Titans comic book! Like a change of writer!

The issue begins with Lex still obsessing over the phrase "survival of the fittest."

For being the smartest guy on Earth, he sure is binary about his way of thinking. First off, only two ways to interpret a quotation? I'm fairly certain that's wrong but I haven't put any actual thought into my reasoning because why should I since it's so fucking obvious? But also, the quote points out the fallacy of thinking that survival of the fittest is about being strong. And then Lex jumps all over the quote and turns it into about being smart! Fucking idiot. Fittest simply means most fit to survive current conditions! So the fittest could be a creature that's slightly more green than its mates! Sometimes, like in Gotham City (according to Ogilvy (you know, Emperor Blackgate?)), fittest means not being too smart! The main point of the quote that Lex is missing is that survival of the fittest is generally just a passive trait that a creature plays no part in attaining or creating.

Man, now I see why normal humans are so afraid of the X-men! Just a matter of time before Homo Superior are the only Homos in town!

Lex runs into a security guard named Otis because I'm certain that Lex needs an unfittest to showcase his fittest later in the story. So, sorry to have to inform you, Otis: you're not going to make it.

Meanwhile the Teen Titans are in San Francsico for some reason. Are they going to move there in their Yacht Headquarters soon? I hope so because we need more West Coast super heroes! Even if they are the shittiest of the bunch. I'll take anybody to fill out the ranks of Green Arrow and...well, that's pretty much it right now. Unless Power Girl's Starr Island is just off the coast of California somewhere.

Only a matter of time now, Timmy, before everybody knows your secret!

After a full month of more often than not mediocre stories of villain after villain, I'm just happy to see some heroes finally in action! Even if they are the Teen Titans! Perhaps a preponderance of my glee stems from the lack of Scott Lobdell influencing their characters here.

Back in Happy Harbor, The Crime Syndicate are conflicted on what to do next. Johnny Quick and Atomica run off to cause as much chaos and destruction as they can. Owlman wants to turn the world into a version of his Earth 3 Gotham City where he allowed everybody to live, keeping the infrastructure in place, and controlled them through violence and fear. Power Ring wants to simply hide because, I assume, being the opposite of Green Lantern, he's filled with great fear. But Ultraman feels they need to prepare for something coming. Probably whatever destroyed Earth 3. Which, I believe, was Darkseid. Superwoman doesn't get a say, apparently. And Deathstorm is just a burning ball of ashy corpses molded into the shape of a human. Or something. I don't know what the fuck that guy does. Perhaps he can only manipulate organic matter being that he's Firestorm's opposite. Although if they were all really opposite the way Power Ring and Ultraman are (Ultraman in that Kryptonite gives him power and the sun hurts hims), then Johnny Quick would be really slow and Owlman would be really stupid and clumsy.

Meanwhile they've got the man they call The Hitchhiker tied up with his head covered. My guess is it's Earth 3's Lex Luthor since he's an enemy of the Crime Syndicate. But he seems to have some kind of power to pit people against each other. Ultraman is keeping him alive to use against Darkseid should Darkseid follow them to this Earth.

Ultraman heads to Kahndaq to deal with Black Adam. Deathstorm and Power Ring are sent off to Central City to deal with the Rogues. And Owlman and Superwoman discuss their unborn child.

And David Finch fucks up the sequence of events by sending Ultraman to Kahndaq while also leaving him inside to say, "Ha!"

While Lex Luthor releases Bizarro from his incubator five years early before he dies inside of it with the power out, the Teen Titans make their first assault against the Crime Syndicate. They're only going up against Johnny Quick and Atomica for now. Which, I would think, gives them a pretty good chance of winning!

Sorry, Otis. You just weren't fit enough.

Over at the Teen Titans fight, they don't do anything successfully. Just like normal! Atomica goes down Wonder Girl's throat for some reason that will probably be explained later and Johnny Quick fucks with Kid Flash which causes a vortex that sucks the Teen Titans into the future. Which is fucking ridiculous but I don't know exactly in what way it's ridiculous. I pointed out in the pages of Teen Titans how the they were supposed to wind up in the future last issue and then the entire issue was about them fighting back and saving Kid Flash from the time vortex. But now they've been sucked forward through time anyway. Smells like more editorial interference. They probably told Scott Lobdell they needed the Titans in the present for Forever Evil but then promised him they'll get them to the future for him so he can continue his story in the pages of Teen Titans.

Bizarro's origin story!

And then the issue ends with the first inklings that the Justice League didn't die! Whew. I was so fucking worried that DC had decided that Batman and Superman and Wonder Woman and Green Lantern and The Flash weren't making enough money for the company and they had decided to go in a new direction. But at least they kept The Goddamned one!

I think Victor needs a lot more than his father.

Forever Evil #2 Rating: No change. My favorite part about this series is that it feels like a story is being told and events that matter are moving forward. Not that I need dramatic changes in the DCnU. But I'd like to read stories that seem to matter. Enough with Catwoman running around the Gotham Underworld looking for a guy she barely knows because she got caught up in a gang war with The Penguin when she refused to pay him a percentage of her jobs and instead robbed his mother's grave. How does any of this actually matter to Catwoman? She's simply a boulder falling down a hill and reacting to whatever stupid shit Nocenti can dream up. I want to read stories that matter to Catwoman and her character and her reasons for doing what she does, her dreams for herself and the fears and desires that drive her. I want more comic books like The Flash where it always feels like they're building on the story of Barry Allen and Keystral City. Forever Evil feels like it's building on the world and, mostly, Lex Luthor. But it also keeps mentioning Kord Industries and is probably going to reintroduce Ted Kord by the end of it. So that's the main reason I like it.

Crime Syndicate! (as seen in Forever Evil)

HISTORY
On Earth-3, a parallel world vibrating on a slightly different plane than the world we know, history had chosen a strange, opposing path. There, it was the American Christopher Columbus who discovered Europe; colonial England that won her freedom from the United States during the Revolutionary War; and actor Abraham Lincoln who shot President John Wilkes Booth [And yet even on Earth-3, they still have a Western bias to important history. So it really isn't very different at all.]. On this strange world of contrary reality, the only super=powered beings were [still white] not heroes, but rather five super-villains who had banded together as the Crime Syndicate of America.

The membership of the Crime Syndicate included Johnny Quick, an arrogant super-speedster who received his powers in an as-yet-undisclosed manner [He was probably doused in lightning when struck by a bolt of chemicals.]; Owlman, a diabolical master planner whose highly advanced mind allowed him to momentarily dominate other minds without their knowledge; Power Ring, who had received a mystical ring of almost limitless power from a mad Buddhist monk named Volthoom; Superwoman, a renegade Amazon who possessed extraordinary super-strength and a magic lasso capable of reshaping itself at its mistress's command into almost anything; and Ultraman, the strongest of them all, who received a new super-power every time he was exposed to Kryptonite.

It was during one such exposure that Ultraman suddenly developed Ultra-vision, which enabled him to peer through the dimensional veil and discover the parallel world then called Earth-1. Fearing they were growing rusty battling the normal forces of their own world, the Crime Syndicate decided to travel to Earth-1 and take on the members of the Justice League of America (see JLA) in an effort to hone their skills. It ultimately required the combined memberships of the Justice League and Justice Society of America (see JSA) to defeat the Syndicators, who were left in a life-sustaining bubble between the dimensions, surrounded by signs in every language designed to warn of those who might attempt to free them.

Despite the warnings, members of the Crime Syndicate were freed from the bubble several times over the years, joining forces with such other criminals as Per Degaton and the Secret Society of Super-Villains (see individual listings).

Even with their awesome array of super-powers, the Syndicators were unable to save their world or themselves from a power that dissolved entire universes, and all perished during the Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Secret Society #1

Bill, I bet I can comment on this comic in three paragraphs!

The story, narrated by The Outsider, begins on Earth 3 men are women and children are adults and cats are mice. Your ass is in your crotch and you sit on your genitals. And worst of all, tomatoes are vegetables but everybody thinks they're fruits.

Oh! If everything is opposite, I bet Earth 3's Talon is interesting!

Owlman and Alfred "The Outsider" Pennyworth run Gotham City. I'm not exactly sure how you run a city where everybody murders everyone else and nobody can keep a television for more than a few hours and all the cars are stolen. Who does any legitimate work? Why would anybody want to when someone will just shoot you in the face to take whatever they want? It's really no surprise that Earth 3 was destroyed. It's breaking my brain just trying to comprehend how the place works! I guess Owlman says, "Hey you! Do that thing I want or Alfred will drill a hole in your abdomen and fuck your liver!" And then Hey You gets to fucking work because he's already had his liver fucked five times that week and he just can't take anymore.

Owlman has a secret about the reason he cried the day Alfred Pennyworth shot Owlman's parents. And Alfred Pennyworth has a secret about how much he loves Owlman's butt. No joke: it's better than Nightwing's. But Alfred thinks it's too early in the comic book to reveal those secrets and I have to agree for once. Because they're probably terrible and they'll just make me angry that they're secret at all. I'd rather be in a good mood for the first eighteen pages.

According to this exposition, it looks like The Godblessed Owlman does keep Gotham operating with a semblance of sanity. And bucket loads of fear and beatings. Just like Batman!

The Joker has killed Talon. Talon is dead! Hooray! But Talon was Dick Grayson. Boo! But Talon is dead! And Tim Drake too! Hooray for Earth 3! Although this Tim Drake had never been written by Scott Lobdell, so I really shouldn't celebrate his demise. Anyway, Owlman declares he's going to kill The Joker for killing Dick but we'll get to that later.

First let's talk about how this affects Owlman's feelings toward the currently captured Nightwing! No way is he going to allow the others to kill him. He'll probably slobber all over him and kiss his feet and underbelly and ask him for forgiveness. He'll probably call him Talon and then Nightwing will be all, "What the fuck?! How dare you! That guy's a boring jerk!" And Owlman will be all, "Don't you dare talk about Dick Grayson that way, Dick Grayson! Dick Grayson was a better Dick Grayson than you'll ever be, Dick Grayson!" And then he'll slap him and begin to walk away but he'll suddenly turn and fall on his knees and hug Dick Grayson around the waist (while caressing his butt because who can blame him? It's so amazing!) crying, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for everything!" And Nightwing will be all, "It's cool."

It's later!

With Talon dead and The Outsider convulsed in fits of laughter from The Joker's gag lapel flower, the Gotham City Police Department begin attacking Owlman. The Joker's final joke! With his death, the people of Gotham shall live!

Earth 3 finally fell apart when Darkseid attacked. Only The Outsider and Atomica escaped and that's been documented in other comic books. So I think I can stop reading now.

Except I almost forgot about Pennyworth's secret! I'm going to finish reading but he'd better tell it by the end or I'm going to rank this lower than Joker's Daughter #1!

And then the issue ends without revealing The Outsider's secret. But that's okay! I was just joking about ranking this issue lower than Ann Nocenti's crap. That was probably mean-spirited, threatening Johns and Sterling's work that way. Now I feel as guilty as Thomas Wayne AKA The Godblessed Owlman! And you know why he feels guilty? Because Dick Grayson is dead! But Dick Grayson is also alive! And Owlman wants him on his team!

Nightwing might as well join. What else is left for him?

Now that the Crime Syndicate have exposed Nightwing as Dick Grayson, every villain with even an average intelligence that is familiar with Gotham City or Bruce Wayne should jump to the conclusion that The Goddamned Batman is Bruce Wayne! Nightwing just won't be able to show his face at any of the Batfamily functions after this, especially after the way everybody treated Bruce when he almost exposed their secret identities.

Secret Society #1 Ranking: I enjoyed this one far more than a lot of the other issues this month mainly because it tied in to Forever Evil and helped flesh out some of the stuff hinted at concerning Owlman in Forever Evil #1. I also enjoyed getting a little glimpse into Earth 3. Having Dick Grayson become Talon to Thomas Wayne's The Godblessed Owlman was a nice piece of symmetry. And while some of the Villains Month comics didn't really feel like they did much, I'm sure as The New 52 continues plodding along, I'll be glad to have read them. Some of the stories might not have been very good but they at least planted some interesting seeds like Darkseid's Superman Corpse Room or Lex Luthor's experiments on Bizarro. Or they cleared up some really fucking stupid shit and added some decent enough explanations for things like H'el's abilities and origin. Although just like Scott Lobdell, he didn't stop at the explanation of H'el being a time loop. No, that fucker had to tack on all the other bullshit like H'el killing Jor-el and Zod just to have some kind of exciting ending plot point. You do know you could have just left the issue with the explanation of H'el, right? You didn't need to fuck it all up by continuing with your stupid time travel fucked up bullshit. God damn you, Scott Lobdell. You never know when to stop, do you?!

Bane #1

Bane wants you to cough, motherfucker.

Wow, I feel great! Renewed! Like I've slept for two days straight! I'm also excited that I only have two issues left for Villains Month! Let's get this shit over with!

When last we saw Bane, his plans to storm Gotham and take it over (again!) were foiled by Talon. The art was shitty and the story wound up being less than exciting and Talon is a great big disappointment. But Bane has decided that his plan to take over Gotham City is immediately back on again since Batman has disappeared!

Idiot. You're forgetting the most important part of that Thermodynamic Law! "An object in motion remains in motion until it comes up against The Goddamned Batman."

You know how when you've been a customer for a company for many years and you're paying the same rates you've always paid and then they offer a spectacular deal to incoming customers but they won't extend the deal to the customers that have been with them for years? You know how that is? That's what it must feel like to be a villain in the DC Universe! Just think! For years and years, Lex Luthor and The Joker and The Penguin and Brainiac have been trying to take down Batman and Superman. But they've never been allowed to be truly successful. So when DC decides Batman should be broken and Superman should die, do they choose from their loyal base of super villains? No! They have to go and bring in a brand new villain with the lure of a deal that's too good to be true! So in waltz Bane and Doomsday and just like that, they win! It's enough to make your hair fall out or drive you insane.

Bane gets a short origin myth where he takes the place of his father in Peña Dura Prison when his father escaped. I don't know if it's a typo of "Peña Duro" or if DC actually decided to change the name for some reason. I believe Bane's Preboot origin was that he was born in prison but here he is a child when he takes the place of his father. The origin myth doesn't really clarify if Bane was forced to take his father's place or if Bane took it willingly. It's a little bit ambiguous but either way, it is looked on by Bane's followers as an act of strength.

You know what? I'm not done with that bit about Bane and Doomsday strolling in and getting all the glory! Now, I don't mind the way Bane happened. It was a pretty epic run of comics and some fairly chaotic shit. Batman was driven to the end of his rope and, in the end, it was mostly exhaustion which caused him to fail. But Doomsday? This big shit just comes out of nowhere, punches Superman a bunch of times, and kills him? That was pretty bad but the worst part of it all was snatching the glory of Superman's defeat out of Lex Luthor's hands. It should have been Lex Luthor. I don't care how much DC wanted to surprise the fans or what kind of a bad-ass villain design they wanted to come up with. It still should have been Lex. That was poor form, DC. Really poor form.

This is the current, although interim, warden at Blackgate Prison. Something tells me her job is going to soon become the worst job on Earth. After the guy who has to sterilize the glory holes.

I don't know if Agatha is a new character or not but I already like her do to my shallow qualifications for a likable character. Does she have an eye-patch? Check! Does she have white streaks in her hair? Check! Is she doing her job reluctantly? Check! Does she swear within the confines of a Teen Rated Comic Book? She says "crappy" and that's good enough! Check! I love Warden Agatha! She also looks a bit like Lois Lane. Perhaps it's Lois in disguise! That would explain the eye-patch and the streak in her hair! But look at those shoes! Total Lois Lane shoes.

They haven't given Agatha's last name yet but I'm sure it's something like Montoya or something. She probably has a sister in the police force or whatever. Pretty solid guesses, hunh?! Those are the kind of amazing insights that keep the readers coming back for more! The other reason is because I scream "FUCK YOU!" a lot.

And then on the next page we get her last name: Zorbatos. I'm fairly certain that's Greek which explains the eye-patch.

And then on the page after that, there's trouble!

I don't think The White Rabbit was ever captured and I'm certain that she wouldn't be allowed to prance around in that suit in prison, so she must have set everybody free.

The White Rabbit is still working with Bane for some reason. Although I don't know if she was working for him during that horribly awful piece of shit David Finch initial Batman: The Dark Knight story and zipping about filling everybody with Venom or if she was just being a general nuisance while giving Finch some cheesecake to draw each month. From the looks of this, she and Bane are pretty tight. I hope Warden Agatha shoots her in her stupid fucking face.

The issue ends with Bane and his army off the coast of Gotham, ready to shoot up Venom and take the city in the name of Bane. That story will be told in Forever Evil: Arkham War. And I hope Warden Agatha kicks a ton of ass in it.

Bane #1 Rating: I'm not much of a fan of Bane, probably because I've never read Secret Six. But this issue was better than a good chunk of Villains Month issues. So there's that, at least.

Doomsday #1

We are sick with time and this one struggles so. We did not realize corporeal, time-based beings have such an abundance of leaky orifices. We did not realize the maintenance involved. Nor did we realize the attachment this one, any one, all of the ones, would have to their fleshy encasement which only functions to drive them steadily to an eternity of nonexistence. But we shall persevere, for this one must be shown that not all things should be expressed and not all things should be known and one should be cautious not to express that which should not be known. But still, we are driven, compelled, to express our thoughts regarding this Doomsday, for we are now he and he is now us and we cannot see the ends nor the beginnings of us or the one.

The monster came for them. Many years ago, it came. It was a monster because it was of the other, not like them, unlike them, in purpose and in form. Perhaps it was ugly, perhaps it was not. It only mattered that it was the other and it had come, in their limited perception, in their ignorant opinion of its purpose, simply to destroy.

But destruction is not, in and of itself, a bad thing. Change is destruction and, for time-based beings, it happens continuously, constantly. For time-based beings, destruction is necessary for growth, death necessary for evolution. Permanency is stagnancy, failure. Among all the Kryptonian scientists, all of their geniuses, not one of them saw this truth. It was the military mind of Colonel Zod that perceived the beautiful truth of the monster.

The other.

Krypton was peaceful, stagnant, unmoving. The monster was not a curse. It was incentive. It was fury, yes, but it was also passion. The monster was a reminder that living was not simply getting on. It was fighting. It was surviving. Adversity and struggle were missing from Krypton and the monster showed them how much more they could be when challenged. Zod reveled in it. But in the end, Zod, and the monster, were deposited in a place where they could do no harm. They were phantoms in an unchanging, static world, much like the one from which they had been exiled. But now Krypton was changing, moving forward, dying. Zod and his monster could only watch, envious, unchanging.

There is more to the story, more for the monster and the future generations of the House of El, but why they are told here remains unknown. They are unnecessary to the story. They simply confuse, distract, make less of the story by engaging in prophecy and speaking of that which should be unknown. We shall ignore it for it is nothing but a lie to a child, a lie that change always results in the fantasy which we have been raised to believe. Good shall overcome. But good is not only events turning out the way we wished they would turn out. Good is subjective. Good is not necessary to evolution. Good is not desired by change. We especially know this for we grow weaker, sicker from time, although we would wish it were not so. But it is so, and so we must accept it. Unlike a little girl declaring reality a dream, we shall accept that we cannot exist within the confines of time. We shall vacate this organic shell. We shall return to the shadows.

Doomsday #1 Rating: But first we must participate in the Tradition of the List. We shall take this tradition back to ourself and share it. We will agree on all items on the list for there is no disagreement when we all share what we think at once. We will rank this permanent thought at #44.