Abra Kadabra! (as seen in Titans #1)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Unknown
Occupation: Former Stage Magician, now Professional Criminal [Really? Now? As if it isn't a crime already to pay people to watch magic.]
Marital Status: Unknown [Come on! He's a magician! Obviously unmarried. And a virgin.]
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: 20th and 64th Century Earth [He might have the biggest base yet!]
First Appearance: FLASH #128
Height: 6'6" Weight: 195 lbs.
Eyes: [Magical! Um, I mean] Blue Hair: Black

HISTORY
Frustrated by a lack of audience acceptance in his native 64th Century, since the superscience of that time made his magic tricks commonplce, Kadabra stole an experimental time machine and journeyed to the 20th Century to become a star. After failing to attract an audience in the traditional manner [Annoy the fuck out of people on the street until you can get a membership to the Magic Castle?], Kadabra used his futuristic scientific knowledge to commit a series of daring robberies [So instead of using his knowledge of futuristic science to perform what our limited knowledge would think of as magic, or instead of using his knowledge of futuristic science to patent a shipload of technology that could help the world, he uses his knowledge of futuristic science to rob convenience stores?], forcing his victims to applaud his criminal actions [Oh, okay. I get it now. Totally makes sense.], thus providing Kadabra with the acclaim he so desperately craved. Originally, Kadabra stole merely to gain attention [but now he needs to pay rent and shit too?], but he now devotes much of his time attempting to gain vengeance on his archenemy, the modern (Barry Allen) Flash (see The Flash).

POWERS & WEAPONS
Kadabra uses 64th Century science, specifically in the areas of teleportation, telepathy, and telekinesis, the science of the mind over matter [Or, you know, bullshit.], to perform acts which seem truly magical. He often channels his powers through a slim magic wand, but this is merely an affectation [Hipster!] and is not necessary. Kadabra's forte appears to be effecting bizarre physical transformations on his foes (i.e., turning The Flash into a living wooden puppet).

Clock King! (as seen in Deathstroke Rebirth #1)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: William Tockman
Occupation: Former Clock Repairman, now Professional Criminal [Because apparently, hee hee hee, time isn't actually money! Hee hee hee.]
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: Beverly Tockman (sister, deceased [She ran out of time! Hee hee!]
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Star City
First Appearance: WORLD'S FINEST COMICS #111
Height: 5'10" Weight: 173 lbs.
Eyes: Blue Hair: Black

HISTORY
Told by a doctor he had only six months left to live, William Tockman became distraught, worrying about who would take care of his invalid sister after his death. Refusing to have his sister turned over to a state nursing home, yet having no insurance [Which is probably the main reason for not putting her in a nursing home. Although I guess in 1985, the state still operated a few of these generally horrible places.] or savings of his own, Tockman decided to turn to crime to provide money for his sister's future, reasoning that even if he was [Were!] caught, he'd never live long enough to serve any time. Since time was running out for him [And his sister! Although let me guess: he's accidentally responsible for her death! I hope that wasn't a spoiler!], Tockman was determined to make use of every second. Taking the clock, the symbol of time [Holy shit, that's deep!], as his own symbol [and face], Tockman used his expert knowledge of clocks to become the Clock King. [That revelation didn't even warrant an exclamation mark. Seems about right.]

The Clock King's series of time-related crimes quickly brought him to the attention of Star City's resident crimebusters, the Green Arrow and Speedy (see individual listings), and after a series of dangerous encounters, the Ace Archers [That's just...terrible.] finally defeated the Clock King [This makes it sound like it was difficult! You'd think one of the few things arrows wouldn't be outmatched by is a clock!] and turned him over to the authorities [As opposed to putting him in Arrow Jail? Or, you know, a grave?].

While in prison awaiting trial, Tockman suffered the ultimate irony when he learned that he wasn't dying after all [Why wasn't this in Alanis's song? "Thrown in jail for life and found you weren't gonna die! Wanted dessert but all they had was a pie!" I know that's not ironic but what the fuck else in that song is anyway?]; his doctor had accidentally switched Tockman's lab reports with those of another patient [So Tockman got the money he needed after all in the malpractice suit that followed, right? Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? Maybe? You know? A little bit?]. Since Tockman was no longer free to care for his invalid sister, she was placed in a state nursing home where she eventually succumbed to her illness. Tormented by his sister's death, Tockman swore to avenge himself on his incompetent doctor and the Green Arrow, and he has escaped from prison several times over the years in a vain attempt to carry out his threat.

At this writing the Clock King is serving a life term at a state penitentiary [Or, you know, dying in Africa. Whatever.].

POWERS & WEAPONS
An average athlete and hand-to-hand combatant, the Clock King prefers to use his devious mind to accomplish his goals, all based on his predilection for clocks and time. He has no special weapons or powers [or any interesting traits or any personality to speak of whatsoever.].

Calendar Man! (as seen in Batman Rebirth #1)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Julian Day
Occupation: Ex-Stage Magician, now Professional Criminal
Marital Status: Divorced
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Gotham City
First Appearance: DETECTIVE COMICS #259
Height: 6'11" Weight: 193 lbs.
Eyes: Blue Hair: Brown

HISTORY
In the guise of Maharajah the Magician, Julian Day arrived in Gotham City for a five-day engagement, which was actually a front for the series of crimes he intended to commit as Calendar Man [Well, good thing a nobody who no one would have looked at twice decided to use a garish and probably racist disguise so that he could commit some crimes unnoticed. Smart!].

Basing his crimes on the five different seasons--winter, spring, summer, autumn, and the Indian monsoon (or rainy season) [I bet that's how Batman figured out who Calendar Man really was! He was all, "Wait! Five seasons! We don't have five seasons in America! But they do in India (although some places in India divide them up even more, according the Batwiki)! I wonder if there is anybody from India currently visiting Gotham City?!"]--the Calendar Man wore a different uniquely equipped uniform for each crime, publicly challenging The Batman (see The Batman) [Why do these idiots always taunt Batman?!] to catch him before he could finish his crime spree. Unfortunately for Day, the Caped Crusader was more than equal to the task [No shit! This guy's crime spree theme is calendars! He'd be better off selling calendars in the mall three months out of the year.].

Several years later, after escaping from prison [What was his escape plan? Marking 'Laundry Day' on the calendar so he knew when to hide in the hamper?], the Calendar Man returned to Gotham, this time basing his crimes upon the days of the week [And then that was it, right? He was out of tricks. I guess he could base his crimes on the names of the months too. But then he's out of gimmicks! Unless he got really tricky and used some device that enabled him to utilize the ten days lost when changing from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar!]. Once again, The Batman caught him, and Day is currently serving time in Gotham State Prison.

POWERS & WEAPONS
Possessing no true super-powers, the Calendar Man is apparently an accomplished inventor, developing special equipment as necessary to carry out his thematic crimes [Like One a Day Crime Tip calendars, and Inmates of Arkham monthly spreads?].

The Calendar Man is not a particularly skilled hand-to-hand combatant, preferring to rely on his advanced weaponry when facing an opponent.

Arak! (as seen in Telos)

PERSONAL DATA
Full Name: Arak Red-Hand (Bright-Sky-After-Storm)
Occupation: Shaman
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: He-No, the Thunder God (father), Star-of-Dawn (mother)
Group Affiliation: Quontauka Indian tribe, ally of Carolus Magnus
Base of Operations: 8th Century Europe, Asia, and America
First Appearance: WARLORD #48
Height: 6' Weight: 190 lbs.
Eyes: Brown Hair: Black

HISTORY
Among the last surviving members of the Quontauka Indian tribe, Arak was taken by the Vikings to medieval Europe, where he journeyed with his captors until setting out on his own.

With his own natural strength and his powerful otomahuk, Arak battled in the defense of the court of Carolus Magnus (also known as Charlemagne) in what has become Central Europe.

Searching to return to North America, Arak was slain in battle and his spirit rose to meet He-No, the Quontauka's God of Thunder, a spirit-being who is also his father.

Resurrected on Earth, Arak is now a mystical Shaman surviving in a world only beginning to understand science [For the majority of Americans, that would seemingly be the 21st Century.].

POWERS & WEAPONS
The extent of his Shaman abilities still unknown, Arak relies principally on his keen hunter's instincts, his great strength, and his mastery over both otomahuk and sword.

Tarantula! (as seen in Green Arrow #44)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Jonathan Law
Occupation: Mystery Novelist [Is he a novelist or isn't he?! It's a mystery!]
Marital Status: Single [Duh.]
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: All-Star Squadron
Base of Operations: New York City [I wonder if he ever runs into Spider-man?]
First Appearance: STAR-SPANGLED COMICS #1
Height: 5'10" Weight: 180 lbs.
Eyes: Blue Hair: Blond

HISTORY
Intrigued by the costumed crimefighters who had begun appearing in the late 1930s, best-selling mystery writer Jonathan Law began doing research for a non-fiction book about such "mystery-men." In the course of his research [Let me guess! Bitten by a radioactive tarantula!], Law interviewed Dian Belmont in the summer of 1941 about her association with the original Sandman (see Sandman I). Belmont gave Law a sketch of a new costume she had designed for the Sandman which she doubted he would ever wear [Did superheroes not know about NDAs back in the forties?] After having written about crimefighting for years, Law decided to become a costumed crimefighter himself and decided to wear the costume in his mystery-man role [Sure. Why not? Writing about something is equitable to doing that thing. Why not steal somebody else's design and use it as your own? I guess the only thing Jonathan Law knew about the law was how to spell it.].

Inspired by his pet tarantula [You know how inspiring arachnids can be. "You can do it!" the Inspirational Arachnid says on his probably already exists Tumblr blog because people are stupid idiots for creatures saying inane inspirational, feel-good quotes.] Law had decided to take the name Tarantula [Sure, why not steal his pet's identity as well as Sandman's costume?] and, in keeping with this spider theme, devised a "web-gun" [Why do those quotes disturb me so much? What sticky substance is actually in that "web-gun"?] and suction discs for his boots that would enable him to walk up walls. He entrusted his loyal housekeeper Olga with the secret of his double identity [Mostly because Jonathan couldn't sew and he needed somebody to sew his costume using the stolen designs.]

A few days after Law's meeting wth Belmont, Olga finished making the [Trademark infringing] costume. That night, since the Sandman was out of town, Belmont donned his original costume to investigate a case of sabotage, only to be killed by a Nazi agent [People have no Goddamn respect for patents and trademarks, do they? Now the public is going to think that the Sandman sucks at his job. His reputation is ruined. Also they all think he's dead.]. Tarantula then attacked the Nazi agents, and was joined by the Sandman [Yeah but in what costume?! Tarantula is wearing his new design and Belmont is lying dead in his old one!], who was wearing a costume based on Belmont's sketch [So Tarantula and Sandman were twinsies?]. Together, they overcame the saboteurs [You know, the Nazi agents.].

Tarantula made his first public appearance soon afterwards when he defeated thieves who had robbed an audience at a Broadway theater. Reporting the incident, a radio announcer referred to the new hero as both a "Tarantula" and a "Spider Man!" [In other words, "Fuck you, Marvel!" See? Nobody respects patents and trademarks!]

Tarantula joined the wartime All-Star Squadron (see All-Star Squadron [If you want to be bored out of your mind.]), and soon afterwards adopted a new costume, feeling that Belmont had intended hers for the Sandman [Really? Fucking really?! I think the "feeling" in this sentence was actually a "cease and desist" from Sandman's lawyers.] Law also continued doing research for his book on mystery-men [So he could out everybody? I have a feeling nobody on the All-Star Squadron really liked this asshole.]

Tarantula's whereabouts and activities after 1942 are unknown [Although in 1962, he reappears in Marvel Comics!], but his book on mystery-men, Altered Egos, was published in the 1960s [Probably posthumously after the other Squadron members figured out what he was up to.].

POWERS & WEAPONS
Tarantula has no super-powers but is a superb hand-to-hand combatant. He is also a skilled acrobat [Of course he is. What writer isn't?]

Tarantula's web-gun shoots a sticky wet "web-line" [There are those quotes again! Gross.] with which he can ensnare [And possibly impregnate] criminals. His boots have small suction cups which enable him to walk up walls.

Crime Syndicate! (as seen in Forever Evil)

HISTORY
On Earth-3, a parallel world vibrating on a slightly different plane than the world we know, history had chosen a strange, opposing path. There, it was the American Christopher Columbus who discovered Europe; colonial England that won her freedom from the United States during the Revolutionary War; and actor Abraham Lincoln who shot President John Wilkes Booth [And yet even on Earth-3, they still have a Western bias to important history. So it really isn't very different at all.]. On this strange world of contrary reality, the only super=powered beings were [still white] not heroes, but rather five super-villains who had banded together as the Crime Syndicate of America.

The membership of the Crime Syndicate included Johnny Quick, an arrogant super-speedster who received his powers in an as-yet-undisclosed manner [He was probably doused in lightning when struck by a bolt of chemicals.]; Owlman, a diabolical master planner whose highly advanced mind allowed him to momentarily dominate other minds without their knowledge; Power Ring, who had received a mystical ring of almost limitless power from a mad Buddhist monk named Volthoom; Superwoman, a renegade Amazon who possessed extraordinary super-strength and a magic lasso capable of reshaping itself at its mistress's command into almost anything; and Ultraman, the strongest of them all, who received a new super-power every time he was exposed to Kryptonite.

It was during one such exposure that Ultraman suddenly developed Ultra-vision, which enabled him to peer through the dimensional veil and discover the parallel world then called Earth-1. Fearing they were growing rusty battling the normal forces of their own world, the Crime Syndicate decided to travel to Earth-1 and take on the members of the Justice League of America (see JLA) in an effort to hone their skills. It ultimately required the combined memberships of the Justice League and Justice Society of America (see JSA) to defeat the Syndicators, who were left in a life-sustaining bubble between the dimensions, surrounded by signs in every language designed to warn of those who might attempt to free them.

Despite the warnings, members of the Crime Syndicate were freed from the bubble several times over the years, joining forces with such other criminals as Per Degaton and the Secret Society of Super-Villains (see individual listings).

Even with their awesome array of super-powers, the Syndicators were unable to save their world or themselves from a power that dissolved entire universes, and all perished during the Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Ocean Master! (as seen in Aquaman)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Orm Curry Marius
Occupation: Professional Criminal
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: Tom Curry (father, deceased), Mary O'Sullivan Curry (mother), Arthur Curry (half-brother), Mera (sister-in-law), Arthur Jr. (nephew, deceased)
Group Affiliation: None
First Appearance: AQUAMAN #29
Height: 5'11" Weight: 200 lbs
Eyes: Blue Hair: Black

HISTORY
Orm Curry did not have a happy childhood. His parents, Tom and Mary, were cordial but distant toward each other. Tom's only concern was Orm's half-brother Arthur. Arthur was Tom's son by his first marriage to an Atlantean woman (see Atlantis). Thus Arthur had undersea powers that Orm could never compete against. Nevertheless, Orm insisted on competing and that competition filled his life with bitterness, anger, and hatred.

Even after Arthur had become famous as the undersea hero Aquaman (see Aquaman), Orm persisted in getting into trouble. He dropped out of sight for a time, changed his name to Marius, and became infamous as the international marine criminal the Ocean Master.

Aquaman and the Ocean Master first clashed over Orm's illegal whaling activities. But whaling was small change to Marius. His favorite pastime was looting the sunken cities of Atlantis, and his favorite discovery was the device that allowed him to breathe underwater.

The two brothers clashed many times over the years, but Aquaman always came out on top.

Recently, Orm discovered the secret of the twelve crystals of Ancient Atlantis. He managed to locate six of them, and using his own hatred and that of his half-brother as fuel, Orm became a powerful sorcerer. However, when Arthur realized that he truly loved Orm, the spell was broken and Orm was defeated.

The magical feedback from that defeat caused an explosion that buried Orm under tons of rubble. It is not known whether he survived.

POWERS & WEAPONS
Orm is a skilled hand-to-hand combatant, but when he first began his career as Ocean Master, he counted on stolen technology to meet his needs. Submarines, harpoon guns, nets, lasers, and sonic pistols made up but a fraction of his impressive arsenal.

Later, he abandoned his arsenal in favor of his new sorcerous powers. Orm now possessed superior strength. He was able to teleport himself and fire powerful mystic bolts of eldritch energy. He could create realistic illusions and summon magical creatures from the ocean depths.

Orm can breathe underwater for an indefinite period of time.

Sinestro! (as seen in The Challenge of the Super Friends! And probably Green Lantern or something)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Sinestro [Wait. How is that different? Pronunciation? Am I missing something?]
Occupation: Professional Villain {Oh la dee da! A professional VILLAIN. Is there scads of cash to be made in that career?]
Marital Status: Single [Duh! He's a professional asshole!]
Group Affiliation: Green Lantern Corps (disbarred [Really? I knew the GLC thought they were the judges of everyone! Dicks!]); the Weaponers of Qward [(Good standing); The Legion of Doom (hated by everyone)]
Base of Operations: Qward, in the Anti-Matter Universe [I'm sure the reason everything hasn't blown up when Sinestro hangs out there has been sufficiently explained over the years. But it won't be here, I'm sure.]
First Appearance: GREEN LANTERN #7
Height: 6'7" [Most of that is forehead.] Weight: 203 lbs. [Again, mostly forehead.]
Eyes: Black Hair: Black

HISTORY
When he was first chosen by the Guardians of the Universe (see Guardians of the Universe) on Oa to become a member of the Green Lantern Corps (see Green Lantern Corps), Sinestro of Korugar was judged to be a being of honor and fearlessness. Over the ages they had chosen tens of thousands of beings to wear the emerald power ring of the Green Lanterns and had never misjudged one. Until Sinestro.

At first Sinestro proved a capable and conscientious member of the Corps, faithfully patrolling and protecting his assigned Sector 1417, but soon he began to see the potential in being the wielder of the power ring. He wet himself up as absolute arbitor [sic] of all disputes on Korugar, dispensing his own increasingly warped sense of justice and declaring himself dictator.

At that point the Guardians intervened [So ultimate arbiter was okay; dictator was just a bit over the line.] and brough Sinestro to Oa for judgment. Finding Sinestro guilty of violating every tenet of the Corps [Actually there's only the one tenet: no masturbating. See all of my commentaries on the Green Lantern Corps to be thoroughly convinced of that fact.], the Guardians stripped him of his power ring and rank and banished him to the planet Qward (see Qward) in the Anti-Matter Universe to learn firsthand the fate of those inhabitants of a world where true evil rules.

That was not the lesson Sinestro learned from Qward's natives, the Weaponers. They were a race who lived only to create weapons of conquest and see them in use on helpless others. Sinestro saw this as a power base to use as his launching platform for universal conquest.

Sinestro returned to his home universe shortly after and had his first encounter with Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern of Earth (see Green Lantern II). Sinestro and Green Lantern would clash repeatedly over the years, until his defeats at the hands of this courageous Corps member became a deadly obsession with him. Armed with a power ring (created for him by the Weaponers) that emitted a yellow power beam (due to a necessary impurity in the power battery that charges the Corps' rings they are powerless against anything yellow in color), Sinestro waged an endless war with Green Lantern and his comrades in the Corps.

Most recently, Sinestro was involved in a massive galactic upheaval that shook the universe, playing a pivotal role in the successful conclusion of the Crisis in conjunction with the Green Lantern Corps and a number of fellow villains. He was last seen imprisoned on Oa by the remaining Guardians.

POWERS & WEAPONS
Sinestro wields a power ring similar to those worn by the Green Lanterns, but unlike those worn by the Corps, Sinestro's ring emits a yellow energy which neutralizes a Green Lantern's green power beam.

Metallo! (as seen in Superman and crap)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Roger C. Corben
Occupation: Criminal [Amateur.]
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: John Corben (brother, deceased)
Group Affiliation: Formerly with Skull
Base of Operations: Metropolis
First Appearance: SUPERMAN #310
Height: 6'2½" Weight: 310 lbs.
Eyes: Blue Hair: Blond

HISTORY
Roger Corben was shocked and saddened to learn that his brother John, a successful reporter, had become a criminal known as Metallo. His body crushed in an accident, John Corben was the product of a successful experiment with cybernetics and became a super-criminal. Metallo had nearly beaten Superman (see Superman II) when fate intervened and John died.

Hoping to get revenge on Superman, Roger joined the criminal organization known as Skull (see Skull). In his first confrontation with Superman, Corben met disaster when another Skull agent aimed a deadly raygun at Dr. Albert Michaels (see Atomic Skull), and Superman deflected the blast, causing it to hit a portion of the S.T.A.R. Labs building (see Scientific and Technological Advanced Research), and a mass of debris crashed into Corben.

In fact, Michaels was working with Skull, and the whole incident had been orchestrated to crush, not kill, Corben. Skull scientists duplicated the construction of a mechanical body for Corben, transforming him into the second Metallo.

Unlike the original construct, this second Metallo was powered by a form of artificial kryptonite (see Kryptonite), later replaced by the real mineral.

The new Metallo's first battle with the Man of Steel ended with the villain apparently using a "self-destruct" button to kill himself. In fact, it had only faked death in his artificial body, and he later revived at the morgue to go after not only Superman but Skull as well--for he had discovered their duplicity in causing his accident and so making him less than human.

Over the last few years, Metallo has frequently tried to best the Metropolis Marvel, only to be defeated time and again. In addition, Metallo has also been bested by Blue Devil (see Blue Devil) [It's like they threw that last sentence in there just to humiliate Metallo.].

POWERS & WEAPONS
Metallo is all metal except his head--a metal stronger than that of the first Metallo. His robot body is fitted with a moveable chestplate, operated by buttons on his wristband, enabling him to open his chest to expose Superman to his Kryptonite "heart." [Those quotation marks are making me very uncomfortable.] He rides through the air on a Skull-designed jet-scooter [They're just as embarrassing as they sound.].

Black Adam! (as seen in Justice League)

Alter Ego: Teth-Adam
Occupation: Would-be conqueror
Marital Status: Presumed single
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Ancient Egypt, later mobile
First Appearance: MARVEL FAMILY #1, (current version) SHAZAM: THE NEW BEGINNING #1
Height: 6' Weight: 198 lbs.
Eyes: Brown Hair: Black

HISTORY
The wizard Shazam (see Shazam) was, in his prime, a great champion of justice who helped the people of ancient Egypt in their rise to civlilization. Around 3000 B.C. Shazam sought to create a new champion to carry on in Egypt in his place.

The wizard chose an Egyptian named Teth-Adam, whom he correcly believed to be a good man. Shazam mystically endowed Teth-Adam with powers possessed by six Egyptian gods. Hence, upon speaking Shazam's name, Teth-Adam was transformed by a bolt of mystic lightning into a superhuman costumed being, whom Shazam named "Mighty Adam."

Mighty Adam possessed the extraordinary stamina of the god Shu, the great swiftness of Heru, the vast strength of Amon, the wisdom of Zehuti, the superhuman power of Aton, and the courage of Mehen.

Shazam commanded Mighty Adam to serve the first pharaoh of Egypt, Menes, who had been trained by Shazam himself, and to battle evil throughout the world. Then Shazam departed, intending never to return.

For a time Mighty Adam served the pharaoh well, and acted as the protector of ancient Egypt. He even helped in building one of the first pyramids. But it was while Adam stood atop that pyramid that he began to contemplate becoming the ruler of Egypt himself.

Later, Adam killed Menes and declared himself pharaoh, launching his tyrannical rule of Egypt. Shazam returned but was unable to kill Adam. Instead, at the cost of great physical strain to himself, Shazam cast a mighty spell that banished Adam into hyperspace. Shazam intended that Adam would be trapped there for eternity. Adam was now known as Khem-Adam, which is translated into English as "Black Adam."

Recently, knowing that Black Adam would soon be freed, Shazam transformed the teenage Billy Batson into super-powered Captain Marvel to battle him (see Captain Marvel).

Soon afterwards, the scientist Dr. Thaddeus Bodog Sivana (see Sivana) used his advanced technology to bring Black Adam to Earth. Black Adam attempted to dominate the world but clashed with Captain Marvel, who succeeded in trapping him in hyperspace once more.

POWERS & WEAPONS
On saying the name "Shazam," Teth-Adam was transformed by an enchanted bolt of lightning into a superhuman being with the powers of six Egyptian gods, including super-strength, virtual invulnerability, super-speed, and the ability to fly. If Black Adam says "Shazam" again, another bolt of mystic lightning will return him to his original human form.

Man-bat! (as seen in Batman and shit)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Kirk Langstrom
Occupation: Zoologist, former Detective
Marital Status: Married
Known Relatives: Francine (wife), Rebecca Elizabeth (daughter), Britt (sister)
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Gotham City, formerly New York City and Chicago
First Appearance: DETECTIVE COMICS #400
Height: 6'1" Weight: 201 lbs.
Eyes: (as Langstrom) Brown, (as Man-Bat) Red [Why do all "monster-types" have Red or Black eyes?]
Hair: Brown

HISTORY
Dr. Kirk Langstrom was the resident authority on nocturnal mammals at the Gotham Museum of Natural History. Inspired by his admiration of The Batman (see Batman II), Langstrom hoped to give himself a natural sonar power like a bat's by taking increasing doses of a compound he extracted from a certain gland in bats [Anal.]. Langstrom succeeded, but to his horror, the compound also turned him into a grotesque bat-like creature. In this form Langstrom fought The Batman and turned increasingly insane. Finally, Langstrom forced his fiancée, Francine Lee, to let him turn her into a bat-like creature so they could mate. The Batman succeeded in injecting both Langstrom and Lee with an antidote [Batman Semen!], restoring them to human form and sanity.

Later, after being bitten by a vampire bat, Francine would uncontrollably become a vampiric bat-like creature under a full moon. Eventually, however, Francine was apparently permanently cured, and she no longer changes into bat-like form.

Able to change back and forth between his human and bat forms, using serums, Lamgstrom [Not my typo!] became a crimefighter as Man-Bat, emulating his hero, The Batman. Langstrom and Francine were married and had a daughter, Rebecca.

Rebecca became deathly ill, and what Langstrom thought was the only serum that could cure her was spilled in a fight between The Batman and a criminal. The Batman knew that the serum had been contaminated earlier, and Rebeccca was later curd by other means [With the help of Superman in DC Comics Presents!]. However, unjustly believing The Batman had nearly caused Rebecca's death, Langstrom sank into a severe depression. Accidentally taking an overdose of his bat-gland formula, Langstrom went insane upon next becoming Man-Bat. The Batman restore Langstrom to normal, but by forgetting to take the antidote regularly, Langstrom reverted to being the insane Man-Bat again. Once more The Batman restored him to human form [This entry is just a bunch of sentences comprised of "turned into Man-Bat" and "turned back into Langstrom." It's super exciting!].

Today Langstrom again appears to be in control of his transformations and remains sane when in his Man-Bat form.

POWERS & WEAPONS
By taking his bat-gland formula, Kirk Langstrom can transform himself into a bat-like creature. He can return to human form by taking an antidote.

As Man-Bat, Langstrom possesses superhuman strength, super-sensitive hearing, and the ability to fly at great speeds.

Like a bat, Man-Bat has natural sonar. He emits high-pitched sound waves and can hear the echoes they make when they bounce off nearby objects. Thus Man-Bat can navigate perfectly even in pitch blackness.

The Parastie! (as seen in Superman and crap)

This might be the first ever picture of somebody getting teabagged after being defeated.

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Raymond Maxwell Jensen
Occupation: Professional Criminal
Marital Status: Unknown
Known Relatives: Lorna Jensen (wife) [I'm sure this "unknown" and "Lorna" situation will be resolved in the HISTORY! Perhaps it's just not known if Lorna served the divorce papers after Raymond turned into a raging purple exhibitionist.], Trini Jensen (daughter), Troy Jensen (son)
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Metropolis [Specifically, "Marv's House of Gloryholes." Because he sucks out people's essential juices and his mouth is perfectly shaped!]
First Appearance: ACTION COMICS #340
Height: 6'3" Weight: 240 lbs.
Eyes: Black Hair: None (originally brown)

HISTORY
Maxwell Jensen was a real loser, having been fired from three jobs in one year [Holy fuck, that's a harsh and judgmental thing to say to somebody down on their luck! He just hadn't found his calling yet. Until that day he walked into "Marv's"!], when he got a position at a government lab as a handyman. There was larceny in his heart even then, and this led to the accident that transformed him into The Parasite [So he's a Larcenous Heart Grub?].

Superman (see Superman II) had been there, conducting experiments with radioactive elements from another galaxy. These concluded, the Man of Steel decontaminated himself and sealed the wastes securely in a radiation-proof container. Jensen was then ordered to take the wastes to the disposal center.

Jensen, having heard payrolls were sometimes shipped in such containers to fool criminals, took a peek [Okay, the introductory assumption was correct: loser.]. As a result, he was hideously burned and turned into a human atomic furnace, burning up energy so swiftly that he would have perished in minutes if he had not had the power to absorb energy from others just as quickly. He also absorbed their mentality, and thus became a genius.

He quickly conceived the idea of stealing Superman's powers, thus making himself the mightiest man alive. But this went awry because his body could not contain so much power at once. As a result, he disintegrated [This might be the most loose use of the phrase "went awry" in comic history.].

And this might have been the end of the Parasite had it not been for an alien geographer who was mapping Earth when he found his instruments blocked by a strange purplish cloud. Analyzing it, he found it registered a life force. Curious, the alien reconstructed it in his revival chamber--and The Parasite lived again.

Eventually, Jensen set out to steal Superman's power gradually, so as not to overload himself. He was helped by having previously used his powers to learn his foe's secret identity.

But this time, Superman was aided by others from the planet of the now-dead alien. He helped them capture The Parasite so they could bring him to justice, giving him a life sentence on a prison world.

It was not easy to keep a man with his powers confined, however, and he escaped. In the process, he was struck by a blast from a guard's ray weapon. This altered his molecular structure so that, even when he was again disintegrated, he was able to return to normal, as his cells automatically regrouped themselves [In other words, Science!].

Jensen was captured and sent to prison. However, he had a good lawyer--a woman who fell in love with him. He finally got paroled and married her, and they had twins.

Xviar, an alien, using the Earth name of Mr. Xavier, gathered together a group of Superman's foes to fight the Man of Might--including The Parasite. Thus it was that Jensen's power was restored. Now he could not return to his loved ones for fear of killing them by draining their energy.

When captured, The Parasite has been imprisoned in the Mount Olympus Correctional Facility (popularly known as Superman Island), in a cell designed to drain off his excess energy.

POWERS & WEAPONS
The Parasite needs no weapons, since he can absorb any powers and has thus used Superman's abilities against him. He also has abosrbed enough scientific knowledge to make himself a genius [Scientific knowledge alone does not make one a genius! It might make you boring or able to make incomprehensible small talk but it does not, in and of itself, make you a genius. Dumb dumbs!]. As Jensen, he was of average build and strength, but as The Parasite, he has become a mass of physical power [But how good is he at hand-to-hand combat? This Powers & Weapons section is useless.].

Killer Croc! (as seen in Batman and shit)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Waylon Jones
Occupation: Professional Criminal
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: Unnamed Aunt
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Gotham City
First Appearance: BATMAN #357
Height: 6'5" Weight: 268 lbs.
Eyes: Red Hair: None

HISTORY
Born in a Florida slum to an unwed mother who died giving birth to him, Waylon Jones was raised by a deadbeat alcoholic aunt. Cursed with a hideous hereditary disease that gave his skin a scaly, reptilian look, Waylon was tormented by his playmates until he fought back, crippling one of them.

Abused even more in reform school, Waylon soon became a habitual criminal, spending the rest of his adolescence in and out of juvenile hall until he was 16, when he killed with his bare hands a fellow inmate who had insulted his bizarre looks. Condemned to death for the crime, Waylon was sent to state prison, where his sentence was eventually commuted to life imprisonment.

Parole after eighteen years behind bars, Waylon found a job at a carnival sideshow wrestling alligators while billed as "Killer Croc." Eventually, Waylon left the carnival and disappeared into the criminal underground, surfacing months later in Gotham City, working as a small-time extortionist.

When the criminal mastermind known only as Squid (see Squid) attempted to unite Gotham underground, Croc saw his chance to move into the big time. Murdering Squid in cold blood, Croc used his brute strength and animal savagery to unite Gotham's criminals under his own rule by promising to eliminate their greatest foe, the caped crimefighter known as The Batman (see The Batman).

In the course of his efforts to eliminate The Batman, Croc was responsible for the murders of circus aerialists Joe and Trina Todd, parents of young Jason Todd, who would later become the new Robin (see Robin II) [Did Batman just continually stalk young male circus aerialists?].

Despite his gathering a small army of the Batman's greatest foes to assist him, Croc eventually ended up back behind prison bars, where he is currently serving a life sentence, this time without hope of parole.

POWERS & WEAPONS
Though possessing no true super-powers, Croc is a savage and abnormally strong hand-to-hand combatant, easily capable of killing an opponent with his bare hands. A conscienceless killer blessed with almost limitless stamina and leather-tough skin, Croc is one of the fiercest foes The Batman has ever faced.

Deathstroke the Terminator! (as seen in Deathstroke)

Alter Ego: Slade Wilson
Occupation: Mercenary/Assassin
Marital Status: Divorced
Known Relatives: Adeline Wilson (ex-wife), Grant Wilson (son, deceased), Joseph Wilson (son)
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Africa
First Appearance: New Teen Titans (first series) #2
Height: 6'4" Weight: 225 lbs.
Eyes: Blue Hair: White

HISTORY
After lying about his age to get into the Army, Slade Wilson distinguished himself by becoming the youngest decorated soldier in the Korean War. He was then sent to a special combat training program (similar to the Green Berets), at Camp Washington, where he first met his wife-to-be Adeline Kane, who was one of his instructors. They were married six months after Slade's graduation. Soon afterward, Slade left for Vietnam, and Adeline stayed behind to care for their new son, Grant. Slade later volunteered for an Army medical experiment involving Adrenocorticotropic hormones (ACTH) designed to increase the subject's resistance to truth serums. Instead the treatment seemed to have had the effect of crippling Slade, who was hospitalized for some time. As his condition stabilized, the effect changed drastically, and Slade developed almost super-human strength and reflexes. He tried to return to active duty, but was refused on the grounds that his condition wasn't stable. During this period his son Joseph was born, inheriting the chemical change that would lead to his powers as Jericho (see Jericho). Slade then discovered that his old friend Winter-green had been captured by the Viet Cong, so he commandeered a plane to rescue him. The Army discharged Slade for his actions.

Restless, Slade became first a big-game hunter, then a mercenary: Deathstroke, the Terminator. He kept his mercenary actions a secret from his family until his son Joseph was kidnapped by agents acting for an international terrorist known as the Jackal. In rescuing Joseph, Slade was just seconds too slow, and the boy's vocal chords were severed, leaving him alive but mute. Slade later lost an eye when Adeline, in anger, tried to kill him in retaliation for their son's maiming. Because of his love for her, Slade didn't retaliate, but the two divorced soon after.

After Slade refused a H.I.V.E. (see H.I.V.E.) contract on the Teen Titans (see Teen Titans), it was taken on by his son Grant, aka the Ravager, who died trying to complete it. The Terminator vowed to destroy the Titans and complete his son's contract. After failing to capture them directly, Slade worked with Tara Markov (see Terra), using her as a mole to discover the Titans' secrets and weaknesses. The Titans were caught and delivered to H.I.V.E., but the presence of Joseph Wilson as Jericho allowed the Titans to escape. Terra died trying to recapture them, and Wilson was captured. He went to trial for kidnapping, but the case was thrown out when the prosecutor failed to prove that the Terminator who did the kidnapping was Slade Wilson.

The Changeling (see Changeling) challenged the Terminator to a final battle, but when Slade showed up in civilian garb, it squelched Gar Logan's anger. The two parted on truce terms, and the Terminator hasn't been seen since.

POWERS & WEAPONS
The Terminator is capable of using 90% of his brain capacity, making him [10% worse than most humans?] a master tactician. The same experiment that gave him this extra brainpower also gave him heightened strength, agility, stamina and reflexes. As an ex-soldier, he has years of combat experience, both bare-handed and with all kinds of weaponry. He carries with him a small arsenal of weapons including a sword, explosive grenades, daggers, a revolver and a power battle staff. His mask contains specialized targeting equipment, and he has other specialized weaponry available at his Manhattan townhouse--which functions as his command post--with a vast computer network of information [You know. Google!].

Scarecrow! (as seen in Batman and shit)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Jonathan Crane
Occupation: Former Professor of Psychology, now Professional Criminal
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: Injustice Gang of the World
Base of Operations: Gotham City
First Appearance: WORLD'S FINEST COMICS #3
Height: 6' Weight: 140 lbs
Eyes: Blue Hair: Black

HISTORY
When he was a small boy, Jonathan Crane liked to frighten birds. His fascination with the subject of fear persisted into adulthood. Crane became a professor of psychology at Gotham University and was known as an authority on the psychology of fear.

Crane was a tall, spindly figure who dressed shabbily, choosing to spend his money on books rather than clothing [Seems sensible to me!]. His faculty colleagues disliked and derided Crane, mockingly referring to him as "Scarecrow" Crane due to his appearance [Are y'all paying attention to Gotham Villains? Stop calling other people names because they're different than you! Because they're going to take that name and use it as their super-villain moniker! Everyone is just lucky I never decided to become the super-villain "Tiny Junk!" I would have stormed banks yelling, "I'm a grower not a shower! I mean, hands up, this is an erection! I mean stick up!"].

Crane's strange obsession with creating fear led him one day, while lecturing students on the subject of fear, suddenly to fire a bullet at a flower pot, shattering it. The students were unnerved to see their professor wielding a loaded gun in class [Oh, such simpler times.].

One afternoon Crane overheard some of his colleagues mocking his shabby, scarecrow-like appearance. Bitterly, Crane decided that if he had much more money, he would gain his colleagues' respect, and be able to dress better and buy still more books [I just lost all respect for Crane because he needs the respect of his douchebag peers.]. The next day he lectured about the ways criminals extorted "protection" money from victims through fear. Later, Crane decided to turn criminal himself, utilizing his knowledge of creating fear. He took the guise of the Scarecrow, believing it to be a perfect symbol of fear and poverty combined.

As the Scarecrow, Crane hired himself out to people who wanted others intimidated through illegal means [As opposed to legal means like setting cops and lawyers on people.]. Crane was fired from the university for his fanatical teachings and classroom behavior. The Batman deduced that Crane was the Scarecrow, and he and Robin captured him (see Batman II, Nightwing).

The Scarecrow, who has become a notorious master thief and has clashed repeatedly with The Batman, leaves straws behind at the scenes of his crimes. Besides using conventional means of terrorizing his victims and opponents, the Scarecrow has also devised various scientific means of affecting the human brain to create the sensation of fear. It has become apparent over the years, however, that Crane himself is subject to fears, including the fear of capture by The Batman.

POWERS & WEAPONS
The Scarecrow is a brilliantly cunning criminal mastermind and psychologist who is an expert at creating terror. He can induce fear in a person by affecting his or her mind with a special fear-inducing gas, high frequency waves transmitted by electronic devices, or a fear-inducing pheromone chemical.

The Scarecrow has little skill at hand-to-hand combat [I just love how every single entry has to give a shitty, generalized description of their brawling ability.].

Cheetah! Again! (as seen in Justice League)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Deborah Domaine
Occupation: Ex-Social Reformer, now Professional Criminal
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: Priscilla Rich (aunt, deceased)
Group Affiliation: Secret Society of Super-Villains
Base of Operations: Mobile
First Appearance: WONDER WOMAN #274
Height: 5'7" Weight: 122 lbs.
Eyes: Green Hair: Auburn

HISTORY
A wealthy young debutante who felt guilty about her wealth and attempted to make amends by joining ecological extremist groups such as the Organization for Ecological Sanity, Debbi Domaine found herself summoned to the deathbed of her eccentric and reclusive aunt, Priscilla Rich. But before the dying old woman could reveal her darkest secret to Debbi, Priscilla Rich breathed her last.

Recoiling from the sight of the dead woman [I love that the instant of death turns her aunt from loving relative to object of horror and disgust!], Debbit staggered back against a closet and was knocked unconscious by a mannequin that fell from within, a mannequin clad in a bizarre cat-like costume. In the last instants before darkness overcame her, Debbi saw a weird figure in a reptilian costume enter the room.

Debbi awakened to find herself a prisoner in the hidden headquarters of the would-be world conqueror known only as Kobra (see Kobra), hanging spread-eagled from the ceiling of a room filled only with sophisticated projectors [Really? So "Would-Be World Conqueror" is simply what he told all of his friends he did because "Pornographer" was too alienating?]. Kobra explained that he had originally come to enlist Priscilla Rich, who had secretly been the super-villainess called the Cheetah (see Cheetah), into his employ, but since the older woman was now dead, Kobra would have to make do with a re-creation.

Despite Debbi's protests, Kobra filled the room with holographic images, hundreds of scenes, each worse than the one before: factories polluting air and water, tankers spilling oil, hunters murdering helpless seals [As opposed to well-armed and well-trained seals.]. These scenes were calculated to fill Debbi with fury, and this, combined with her sense of helplessness and a series of electrical shocks, drove the young woman hopelessly insane.

Released from her restraints, Debbi was given a costume similar to that of her aunt, and told by Kobra that she was now the avenger of wronged nature, the savior of oppressed animalkind--the Cheetah!

At Kobra's command, the new, improved Chetah battled Wonder Woman (see Wonder Woman), but when the Amazon Princess at last defeated Kobra, the Cheetah was left to her own devices, finally joining the Secret Society of Super-Villains (see SSSV), an evil organization now led by the Ultra-Humanite (see Ultra-Humanite).

At this writing, the Cheetah is incarcerated at the Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane (see Arkham Asylum).

POWERS & WEAPONS
A superb athlete with cat-like grace and agility, the Cheetah is an awesome hand-to-hand combatant, less from skill than from her sheer animal ferocity. When enraged, her strength becomes almost superhuman. This, combined with the razor-sharp fingernails she wears, capable of cutting through solid steel, makes the Cheetah one of Wonder Woman's most formidable foes.

Cheetah! (as seen in Justice League)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Priscilla Rich
Occupation: Debutante [I'm fairly certain you can't actually make a career of this. Which is probably why she became a criminal to supplement her "debutante" income.]
Marital Status: Single [Darn. If she were married there would be a cheater/cheetah joke here.]
Known Relatives: Claudia Rich (cousin), Deborah Domaine (niece [Who will be profiled in the next Cheetah! entry!]
Group Affiliation: Villainy, Inc.
Base of Operations: Washington, D.C.
First Appearance: WONDER WOMAN #6
Height: 5'4" Weight: 109 lbs.
Eyes: Green Hair: Brown

HISTORY
A wealthy young society girl possessed of an almost overwhelming inferiority complex, Priscilla Rich organize a charity benefit and became insanely jealous when more attention was paid to the guest of honor, Wonder Woman (see Wonder Woman), than to herself [This is almost exactly the same reason Lex Luthor became a super villain expect it wasn't portrayed quite as catty.]. After a failed attempt at surreptitiously murdering Wonder Woman [As opposed to making a big stink about it?], Priscilla returned to her home to find her own evil persona, clad in a cheetah costume, confronting her in the mirror.

Explaining that "I am the real you--the Cheetah--a treacherous, relentless huntress," this evil persona took hypnotic control of Priscilla, commanding her to make a real Cheetah costume in her image. Then, Priscilla Rich, in the guise of the Cheetah, embarked on a life of crime.

Several times over the next few years the Cheetah attempted to kill her arch-rival, Wonder Woman, but the Amazon Princess always defeated her, returning the captive Cheetah to the Amazons' special Reform Island, in hopes of finding a permanent cure for her schizophrenia [Did Wonder Woman make the diagnosis? And is that really justice? International kidnapping?].

POWERS & WEAPONS
A superb hand-to-hand combatant and Olympic-level athlete, the Cheetah is possessed of cat-like grace and ferocity. Her fingernails are razor-sharp claws, capable of slicing through solid steel [So far from these old Who's Whos, I've discovered that female villains could kill by kissing, sex appeal, and fingernails. If I read more, I'd probably discover nagging, housekeeping, and child-bearing among their other super powers.].

Eclipso! (as seen in Team 7)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Dr. Bruce Gordon
Occupation: Physicist
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: None
Base of Operations: Mobile, most recently, Los Angeles, California
First Appearance: HOUSE OF SECRETS #61
Height: 6'1" Weight: 195 lbs.
Eyes: Blue (as Eclipso: Red) Hair: Blond

HISTORY
While on the island of Diablo in the South Pacific to film a solar eclipse, Dr. Bruce Gordon was confronted by a local seer named Mophir, who attempted to kill Gordon for defying local customs [Seems reasonable.]. Lunging at Gordon with dagger upraised, Mophir managed only to cut Gordon with the strange black diamnod clutched in his other hand before the sheer momentum of Mophir's charge carried him over a cliff to his doom. Grateful to be free of Mophir's tyranny, the island's natives gave Gordon Mophir's costume and black diamond.

Months later, as Gordon was about to dedicate Solar City, the crowning achievement of his career, a second solar eclipse occurred in the South Pacific and Gordon found himself transformed into someone else, a being of awesome power and awesome evil who called himself Eclipso! Wielding the black diamond as a weapon, Eclipso destroyed Solar City before a blinding burst of light transformed him back into Bruce Gordon.

Recovering from his shock, Gordon deduced that his body, cut by the mysterious black diamond, had somehow been affected by the emanations from the first solar eclipse and that the second eclipse had triggered his transformation [Deduced might not be the right word here. Fucking shrugged his shoulders and muttered "What else could it be?" is probably more apt.].

For he next several months, Gordon found that any eclipse, real or artificial, would change him into Eclipso [So when he walks in and out of shadows between buildings in downtown Gotham, does he break out into Eclipso in the shade and scream, "ECLIPSO IS HERE!" And then becomes Bruce again as he steps into the light? Shadows are artificial eclipses, right? I just deduced that!], who would wreak all sorts of havoc that Gordon would later have to repair. Ultimately, Gordon developed an ultraviolet ray gun that he hoped would turn Eclipso from evil to good [That was another scientific deduction because fucking ultraviolet light, dude!]. Instead, it somehow affected Gordon's body, splitting him and Eclipso into two separate beings [I could have told him that would happen. Amateur.]. Now able to confront his evil alter ego [They went to couples therapy?], Gordon became Eclipso's most relentless foe, thwarting the fiend repeatedly until he could use a blinding flash of light to return Eclipso to his body.

For a while, Bruce Gordon was employed by Ferris Aircraft, developing his own solar-powered aircraft. This led to several confrontations between Eclipso and the Emerald Crusader called Green Lantern (see Green Lantern II/III). At the end of their latest conflict, Eclipso was apparently destroyed by a high-intensity laser beam of his own devising [Except he wasn't! Instead he was building his base on the Dark Side of the Moon and laughing, "Ha ha ha! I shall be Eclipso forever here! Wait! What the fuck?! The sun! BUT IT'S THE DARK SIDE OF THE NOOOOOOOOOO!"], and Bruce Gordon left Ferris to seek his future elsewhere.

POWERS & WEAPONS
A superhumanly powerful and savage hand-to-hand combatant, Eclipso's greatest weapon is his black diamond, actually some sort of alien meteorite [FROM HELL!]. Held to his eclipsed eye, it fires a frigid beam of impenetrable black ligh; held to his uneclipsed eye, [It just makes everything squiggly and fuzzy.] it projects a beam of destructive laster-like light.

While any sort of eclipse, solar, lunar, etc. [You know, the myriad other ones.], can free Eclipso from Bruce Gordon's body, only a burst of bright light will return him to Gordon's body [Worst weakness ever. "Hey Marge! Is that Eclipso rummaging around our back shed again? Hand me the Maglite, willya?!"]. For a time, an artificial eclipse would only change Gordon into Eclipso, not separate the two, but that seems no longer applicable.

Black Hand! (as seen in Green Lantern)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: William Hand
Occupation: Professional Criminal
Martial Status: Single
Known Relatives: Peter, David, Joseph (brothers)
Base of Operations: Mobile
First Appearance: GREEN LANTERN #29
Height: 5'9" Weight: 167 lbs.
Eyes: Brown Hair: Brown

HISTORY
A professional criminal nearly all his life, Hand turned to crime as an abnormal reaction to his lineage, the wealthy and respectable Hand family of Coastville, California. Resenting his family's prestige and position, Hand became determined to drag the Hand name through the mud [Coincidentally, this is the same reason I tell dick jokes on the internet.].

He therefore became a super-criminal who developed a means of absorbing energy from Green Lantern's power ring (see below) [Terrific if you somehow know Green Lantern is the guy who's going to show up to kick your ass every time.] and who based his criminal methods on the wisdom of old maxims (which others would term clichés) [So like, "A stitch in time saves nine giants" and "The early worm gets the second cheese"?].

POWERS & WEAPONS
While Hand possesses no true super-powers, he is blessed with a photographic memory with which he is able to recall at will every item recorded in a book he has spent the bulk of his life compiling. The book contains the solution to any possible problem a criminal could confront [What shitty writer thought up this escape plan to get out of whatever dead-end they'd written themselves into?].

A talented technician, Hand has also built a device capable of absorbing radiation residue, specifically the radiation of Green Lantern's power ring (see Green Lantern), from objects upon which Green Lantern has used his power ring energy. Hand is then able to utilize this energy himself, directing it through a rod-like mechanism he carries in his hand.

Hand is not a skilled hand-to-hand combatant, but his power-rod and his scientific expertise make him a foe to be reckoned with.

Hand's single affectation is a fascination with cliché sayings, and he has based many of his crimes on these old adages.

Lex Luthor! (as seen in Superman and crap)

PERSONAL DATA
Real Name: Lex Luthor
Occupation: Criminal Scientist, former Ruler of the Planet Lexor [I'm not even going to ask.]
Marital Status: Widowed
Known Relatives: Parents (first names unknown, both deceased) [That was surprising information. Lex had parents? NO!], Lena Thorul Colby (sister), Val Colby (nephew), Ardora (wife, deceased), Lex Luthor, Jr. (son, deceased)
Group Affiliation: Worked with various criminal groups on a temporary basis
Base of Operations: Various lairs, changing from time to time
First Appearance: ADVENTURE COMICS #271
Height: 5'11" Weight: 185 lbs.
Eyes: Blue Hair: Originally brown, now bald

HISTORY
The first time young Lex Luthor met Superboy (see Superman II), he saved the Teen of Steel's life by getting rid of a piece of Kryptonite (see Kryptonite) which was killing Superboy.

Luthor was then a teenager himself, and he admired the hero of Smallville. So when his family moved there, the two became fast friends. Superboy even built a laboratory for Lex, who set out to find a cure for Kryptonite.

He had already done what no youth could have been expected to achieve--he had created life in his lab [Big deal. Adults do that in their bedrooms and in the back seats of cars and in movie theater restroom stalls all the time.]! This protoplasm he made was to be the source for the antidote. But in his excitment, Luthor knocked over some chemicals, causing a lab fire.

Superboy blew out the fire, but his super-breath accidentally destroyed the protoplasm and the resultant fumes made Lex's hair fall out [Well naturally, now Superboy must die.]. Luthor blamed Superboy, claiming the Teen of Steel had done it because he envied Lex's genius. Superboy never got the antidote.

Young Luthor tried other inventions to make himself a great scientist, but when they failed, Luthor blamed Superboy, insisting he had ruined them. In time, Luthor turned criminal and was sent to a reformatory.

Lex's parents were horrified by their son's actions and disowned him [Let me guess: Luthor blamed Superboy?]. They left Smallville, changed their name to Thorul (an anagram of Luthor [Real fucking clever. Assholes.]), and told their little daughter Lena that her brother had died in a mountain-climbing accident ["But mom! Luthor's too lazy to walk to the fucking store! He spends all his time masturbating into beakers and showing people the life he created!"]. Not long afterward, Mr. and Mrs. "Thorul" were killed in an auto accident, and Lena grew up not knowing that her brother was the notorious Lex Luthor.

Luthor continued to bedevil Superboy as they grew up. It was in the summer between Clark Kent's last two years of college that Luthor unwittingly did the world a great favor. Overcome by the death of a friend that he was unable to prevent, Superboy had gone into retirement. A challenge from Luthor brought him back into action [Seriously? That's what the world owes him a favor for? As if Superboy wouldn't have come out of retirement at the first hint of a kitten about to climb a tree it could never possibly get down.].

Later, when Lois Lane (see Lois Lane) was doing a feature article on New England witchcraft, she met a librarian named Lena Thorul and planned to mention her in the story--complete with pictures. Luthor used his science in an attempt to scare Lois off the story. Superman discovered the truth, but he and Lois promised to keep the secret of Lena's identity even from her.

Lena later moved to Midvale, met Supergirl (see Supergirl), and finally married Jeff Colby, an FBI man who had once arrested Luthor!

Some time after, Luthor challenged Superman to a duel on a red-sun world, where the Man of Steel would have no powers. They discovered the people had slipped back from civilization to savagery. Lex began helping them, and they thought of him as a hero. He finally surrendered to Superman on the condition that his foe use his powers to send the water which that world needed.

The planet changed its name to Lexor, in Luthor's honor, and he married a young woman there, Ardora. He might have lived there as a hero, but he always returned to Earth to renew his feud with Superman.

Lena had a son, Val, and lost her husband. However, she did learn that Lex was her brother.

Ardora also had a son, but soon after Lex found an ancient battle-armor on Lexor, which seems to have caused erratic actions on his part. This led to the destruction of Lexor during a battle with Superman. Luthor blamed the Man of Might [Jesus Christ. Was that all Lex Luthor did? Constantly blame Superman for everything? "Goddammit! I shit myself! I'll get you, Superman!"] for the death of his wife and son. For a time, he had headquarters on a fragment of Lexor in the Atlantic, but Superman recently discovered it and arrested Lex there [Superman has the power to arrest people? No matter where they are on Earth? Has every country in the world deputized him?].

POWERS & WEAPONS
Like his Earth-Two counterpart [It's like the editors of this thing expect me to read the entries in order!], Lex depends primarily on his scientific genius, but with that on his side,he needs no powers and can create all sorts of weapons.

His new battle-armor makes him almost a physical match for Superman [And it doesn't look stupid at all!].