Thursday, October 22, 2015

Constantine the Hellblazer #5

I'd rather kiss the huge mass of intestines than the smoker.

In a culture where everybody expresses their individuality and their personality through the products they consume, actively avoiding the consumption of specific products constitutes activism. In other words, doing nothing allows a person to participate in a movement. If a person really wants to ruffle some feathers, they are also free to express disdain via some form of social media. I suppose that's fitting since all a person has to do to be notable nowadays is to inspire or raise awareness. I often wish that I were daft and naive enough to be awed and inspired by the insipid and the mundane.

Fuck I'm in a mood. I've got a head cold because I dared to be sociable and visit family with children. Fucking children. If that wasn't bad enough, I had cookies with black frosting on them. Has anybody looked into the dangers of black frosting because it turned my poo green. Is that a feature or a side effect? Shouldn't somebody be raising awareness about black frosting and inspiring people to stop buying it?

Enough of the preamble. If I preamble any more, I'm just going to rant and rave about how people of average intelligence are destroying this country. The good thing about that rant is that nobody would be pissed off by it because everybody thinks they're of above average intelligence! Especially the stupid people!

This issue is called "Pretty Girls Make Graves" which is a great title for a movie even if I'm too stupid to understand what it means.

I'm fairly certain all of my exes were roiling masses of disembodied vengeance long before I ever slept with any of them.

Constantine is searching the Secret Magic Library of Trinity College, Cambridge, looking for a way to help Veronica return to the material world so she doesn't have to keep eating John's ghost friends. If she were human again, she wouldn't need to seek revenge against John. Plus maybe she'd be fuckgrateful?

John learns that one who has disappeared from reality in the way Veronica has--without proper planning from the very beginning--is doomed to remain in the void forever. Unless she hates or loves somebody or something strongly enough to keep her linked to reality. Veronica is linked to John by one of those and is now lashing out in confusion and killing the ghosts surrounding John. Now he must kill or cure her.

Intent is a slippery beast. Sometimes it matters; sometimes it doesn't. It depends on the observer's perspective, I suppose. I would pretend my intent was to cure because it just sounds better.

Constantine decides to go see if Georgiana Snow has removed the rabbit from out of her ass and is ready to help him out. I hope John asks how her brother Elijah is doing this time.

At first, George is all, "I can't help you, John, because I have this huge rabbit in my ass." But John is all, "If you help me, I'll never bother you again!" And then George is all, "Ta-da! First I make the rabbit disappear, and then I'll make you disappear! Let's get this over with, ya prick!"

Constantine takes George to visit their old friend Veronica who is now their new not-so-much-of-a-friend the vengeance beast. Constantine points out how they both abandoned Veronica; it wasn't just John's fault that she felt unloved and unwanted. Once Veronica chose to be with Constantine, Georgie washed her hands of her. And now they both need to finally come to their friend's aid.

George isn't able to save Veronica and so she must destroy Veronica's link to reality. Thankfully that link isn't Constantine; it's the book she used to try to displace her soul. George is forced to burn it which frees Veronica from her link to the vengeance beast.

Just another day in the life of John Constantine, and another enemy, and a whole bunch more self-loathing.

Constantine the Hellblazer #5 Rating: No change. Be assured, I know what I'm doing is meaningless. I am not here to inspire. I am not here to raise awareness. I am not here to wax rhapsodic on philosophy or ethics or the meaning(lessness) of life. I am merely entertaining myself by reading stories and writing my insipid comments on them. In a way, Constantine and I are very much alike. We are self-absorbed misanthropes who only feel close to the people we have ultimately failed because--let's face it--we never have to deal with them again and can afford the luxury of believing we once cared. If there's a way in or out of any situation, we take the easy way simply because it's easy. If a price must be paid for that later on, we simply find somebody else willing to pay that price for us and we continue on in our narcissistic self-loathing. Next to Jonah Hex, he's my favorite character!

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