Klarion #3

This comic book was cancelled almost as soon as it hit the shelves!

Perhaps somebody at DC will finally realize that Ann Nocenti's name on a comic book keeps people away from the comic book. She is terrible at writing comic books! Maybe she should write a comic strip. Man, I would love to partner with Ann Nocenti to do a weekly web comic. She would write it poorly and I would draw it poorly and it would be so fucking bad it would be the best thing on the internet. Except since that's what I'd be hoping for, Nocenti would probably knock the writing part out of the fucking park. Hell, I'd be just as happy with that! But then we'd have to find an actual artist or else my scribbles wouldn't do her work justice.

I'll read Klarion in a few minutes but first let's take a look at another book from my childhood from my shelf of old books.

Apparently I thought the cover would look much better if Daphne were stamped all over it. Such an artist!

That font really looks like it's photoshopped onto the cover but I assure you that's the real title of this book.

This one is so good that my poorly written, barely legible name in little kid printing has been crossed out and my sister wrote her name underneath it. What a jerk!

"You know where to stick that Jizzle, Bamm-Bamm!"

The witch looks like Mr. Slate in drag.

Why would a couple of babies know where to get jizzle in Bedrock?

Everything works out in the end and, with the help of two babies, the witch manages to get jizzle all over the place.

I think my mom was trying to acclimate me to feel comfortable around perverts.

Okay, I guess I'm ready to read Klarion now. But I'm sure it's going to be a huge disappointment after the jizzle book.

Last issue ended with Klarion kissing Zell and Rasputin meeting his new girlfriend, the Buddybot. This issue begins with everything exploding due to the kiss. I guess. While Zell and Klarion are being blown through the air, Zell says, "Klarion! Don't look at me like that!" How is he supposed to look at you when you just tried to auto-erotic asphyxiate him with your hair while you kissed? And then blew up?

Maybe Teekl blew up because Teekl was jealous?

Afterwards, Klarion and Zell engage in a typical Nocenti dialogue full of changes of subject and non sequitors.

Maybe Ann Nocenti suffers from some kind of perception disorder which causes time to jump forward for her in the middle of conversations. Maybe all of her conversations are like this and she thinks it's normal.

Klarion notices a hole in the wall and looks into it. He sees Rasputin and his new fuck buddy, Buddybot, fucking.

That's not what the uncanny valley is, you stupid robot. Who programmed you?

Klarion barges in and Contessa begins face fucking Klarion. Goddammit! Now Rasputin is going to be jealous of Klarion and Contessa as well as Klarion and Zell! Stupid Buddybot! You didn't emerge out of Klarion's butthole so you shouldn't be engaging in benefits with him.

Contessa turns into a woman while Zell parcels out some Ann Nocenti Fun Facts about a replicated hamburger. Now that Contessa is beginning to look like a human robot, she's getting closer to the uncanny valley! Stupid Contessa! Be smarter!

A pod of taco trucks. Evolution. Waffle windows.

What the fuck are they talking about?

Piper the Magic Landlady gives the kids a lesson about bees. She points out how alone they bumble but are powerful together. Yeah, but they're bees. People aren't bees! But she tells the kids to act like a herd of bees and stay together so they don't get picked off while alone. But, as the Neapolitan Club guys pointed out, a swarm of gazelle still lose individual members to lions. So even in a swarm, or, um, a herd, one of the kids could get picked off! Like Rasputin got picked off already! I think this lesson is too late.

Ann Nocenti should have a toll free number that readers can call so she can just fucking explain what she's trying to say in this stupid comic book. I think she's trying to tell me that swarms are good and bad!

Klarion failed to keep all the kids with cell phones at the club from taking video of Rasp floating in the air. Oh, also, they got footage of his blue horned butt trying to get Rasp out of the air before they could film it. And now the footage has fallen into the hands of a covert agent named Agent Moody!

Well, I guess Klarion's a vampire! She deduced it with impeccable logic!

Meanwhile at Beelzebub's Barber shop, Beelzebub shaves a guy as the guy tells a crappy story and some guy in a muscle shirt masturbates on the back of his head.

I bet Ann Nocenti actually used that shelf story on some guy she was dating.

Klarion and Zell head out to meet Beelzebub at some robot art show. Zell reminds Klarion that Piper said not to go out alone and Klarion doesn't ask Zell if she knows what the definition of alone is. Then Zell points out that Beelzebub's card smells and is covered in flies. Gross. And Klarion had that thing in his pocket?

When the fuck is Teekl going to appear. What a waste, Ann Nocenti! I'm going to write an article called Kittens in Refrigerators.

At the robot art show, Klarion and Zell learn that Buddybots can cure autism! Stupid Buddybots. Autistics don't need to be cured! They're absolutely fine with themselves and their worlds. It's the fucking parents that need to be taught that their child isn't broken just because their child isn't giving them the endless, unconditional love they so desperately crave. The kid isn't "missing out" on your normie experience. Heck, they may even process the world too quickly or too slowly so nothing outside of their mind makes much sense. But then I guess a Buddybot would be perfect! I'm all turned around on the Buddybot now since it can probably adjust the speed in which it speaks so that the autistic kid can interact with it. Plus maybe he can get laid!

Klarion starts a fight with Coal but Coal takes off before Agent Moody and her Witchhunters arrive. Beelzebub also arrives to help Klarion escape in his muscle car. But for some reason, Zell gets upset that Klarion might ditch her. Why? Just get in the fucking car with Klarion. It's a fucking boat! There's plenty of room! Unless the dramatic tension and contrived plot are taking up all the extra space inside.

Klarion #3 Rating: -1 Ranking. The scripting makes this thing hard enough to understand but then the layouts tend to swirl across two pages and spiral back again and I have no idea what's going on. I think technology and magic are battling or something. Plus kids are being kids and stuff. And they're fucking robots. Since this has been canceled, am I allowed to stop reading it?

All Star Western #33

"Painting the town dead" is a play on the phrase "Painting the town for the low, low cost of $100."

I've generally stayed away from reblogging non-comic book related things on Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea. And I'll mostly keep it that way on the Blogspot version. But I figure it's time to embrace the tumblr part of tessatechaitea.tumblr.com! I constantly see blog posts that I think are fucking idiotic and simple-minded and I choose not to respond. But I've held my piece for too long! Unless the phrase is "held my peace!" But I think it's "held my piece" as in "holstering my gun" meaning that I have refused to shoot idiots in the face for far too long now. It's time to go to war because I've stopped holding my peace! Draw, motherfuckers!

I think I might be letting Jonah Hex get to my head a little bit. Whenever I watch or read a Western, I immediately want to go out and find somebody that I can pretend is breaking the law just so I can bring them to imaginary justice. Mostly I just hide behind a wall and say, "Stop, ya varmint!" Then I run away as fast as I can while high-fiving myself for a job well done. But it's time to step up my game! Next time I see some punk doing something that, if I squint just right, I can imagine is horrendous, I'll yell, "Reap the whirlwind, misfit!" And then I won't run away at all! I'll just glare at them as they point at themselves, then look over their shoulder to see if I might be talking about somebody else, then look back at me confused, shrug, and walk away. Justice!

This issue begins with Tallulah and Jonah tied up and captured by brigands! Unless they're bandits. Maybe they're just thoroughly despicable rakes. Anyway, I think Jonah might actually die in this story! It would be okay if he did, seeing as how he is a stranger in a strange time and there's an alternate (perhaps more real?) version of himself already living in this Old West. It would be quite the exciting way for All Star Western to end! I'm a huge fan of stories where the main character is killed in the end. That's why I like the New Testament so much.

I wish Quentin Tarantino would make a version of The Greatest Story Ever Told. Except where would he fit in the word "nigger"?

After this is cancelled, DC will eventually put out another Western title, perhaps Weird Western Tales. And hopefully that one will showcase Tallulah as the main character. Or Jenny Freedom!

Last issue, Merle the brigandit chief promised Jonah and Tallulah that today would be their last day. I pointed out that that would be a hard promise to keep. And I think it really will be now that this idiot and his men have untied Jonah and Tallulah and pulled them out from underneath their horses. I guess he doesn't want his gang members gossiping back in town that he killed a couple of helpless people like a great yellow coward.

Getting back to this idea about Tarantino directing a film about the Bible, I'm already seeing a scene where Moses comes down off the mountain with his huge stone tablets to find his people worshiping a big tittied cow idol. "Motherfuckers!" he mutters as he descends howling, one stone tablet over his head. He enters the camp and begins bashing in the skulls of the idolators with the stone tablet, blood and gore flying everywhere as he's screaming like a madman. One slow motion shot shows the tablet descending to explode the head of a mother with her child sucking at her tit, the engraving on the tablet plainly reading as it whizzes by, "Thous Shalt Not Kill."

Later, Moses never makes it to the Promised Land because God is tired of his filthy mouth. Instead, Moses is kidnapped by a Babylonian who imprisons him in a dungeon with some guy dressed all in leather with a strange marking on his forehead. He approaches him ominously as Moses is hogtied and bent over an altar with his robe pulled up to reveal his naked ass. "Shouldn't've shown your face this side of Eden, pops. I am going to make you squeal like a filthy animal." A terrified look comes across Moses's face as the camera shoots up through the ground and into the sky, pans across the landscape, and descends on Moses's people as they're entering the Promised Land. They pause and look up quizzically as just the hint of a tortured scream, somewhat like the squeal of a pig, descends upon them.

I think I should write up this screenplay and send it to somebody! It's a winner!

Anyway, back to All Star Western, Jonah Hex winds up blowing holes in all the outlaws because that's what always happens.

Amen, Jonah! And those men what don't understand women? They wind up dead!

Jonah and Tallulah head back to the town that stole their bounty only to find that the town got a little of the old tit for tat. Or something. What I'm trying to say in a way that isn't just coming right out and say it is that somebody stole the bounty from them as well. It was a gang of masked men which means one of them was probably Alterna-Jonah Hex.

And if one of them was, he's dead now because Jonah and Tallulah and a little boy killed them all.

The little boy takes a mortal wound but lasts long enough to tell Jonah a sob story about the town needing the bounty money for medicine. So Jonah decides to do the right thing. He heads off to collect the bounty while Tallulah remains behind to comfort the boy as he dies.

Jonah and Tallulah return to the town to find they're too late to save any but one old woman with the medicine. They head off into the mountains to try to get a few days rest before heading back out on the bounty trail. And then the next month blurb states, "The Death of Jonah Hex!" Well, I'd expect no less. It's just a matter of which one dies though, isn't it?

All Star Western #33 Rating: No change. I love westerns and All Star Western does western well. There's gun fights and mouth fights and fist fights and fuck fights and all sorts of fights you'd expect on the edges of civilization! And there are two characters that take control of their destinies and destiny the control of their...shit. I kind of got tangled up in my review words. Fuck it. I suck at the actual reviewing part of the comic book reviews. I'm much better at picturing Jesus Christ on the cross about to be stabbed in the side by a spear. But then he pulls his feet free from the crucifix, a nail still in each foot, and strangles the Roman with his legs, securing his grip by piercing the Roman's chest with his feet nails. As the Roman dies, he drops the spear which Jesus kicks up with his foot to catch in his teeth. He then uses it to slice through his wrist and free his left hand. Then he swings around and uses his weight to pull his other hand free, nail still embedded in his wrist. He does a flip and lands, balanced, on the top of the crucifix as the Romans charge and the other crucified thieves cheer him on! He takes out the first Roman with a well-placed toss of his crown of thorns and the Roman's head goes flying as Jesus flying kicks into the throng, kicking and punching and blasting holes in the Roman's with the nails still embedded in his hand and feet! The bloody, gory scene lasts for about twenty minutes until Jesus is standing on a pile of dead Romans and the Jews surrounding him are cheering and chanting, "King of the Jews! King of the Jews!" The credits begin to roll and the scene fades out until all the actors' names have passed by. Then Jesus reappears standing above a crowd with a giant cross in one hand as he screams, "Today, we march on Rome!" Then the scene fades out again and stark white writing appears that says, "The Greatest Story Ever Told II: Baptism of Blood."

I'd like to thank Doom Bunny for co-writing the Modern Bible Story bits!

All Star Western #32

Last issue's cover incorrectly portrayed Jonah with his old scars. This cover incorrectly portrays Tallulah as having no scars. That must be what idiots refer to as "equal time."

You know how people say you can't really change anybody's mind through discussion and rational debate? People generally need some kind of emotional connection to get them to reconsider some long-held belief before they even begin to possibly start to maybe rethink their position. The most you can usually hope to do is plant a seed in the other person's mind and hope they don't uproot it immediately and piss all over it to make sure it's dead. But I have a sure fire way of getting people to instantly question their own beliefs! It might take a little effort but isn't it worth it to stop your sibling from believing some stupid shit that you totally don't believe and think that everybody else should believe as well?

Here's what you do! The person whose mind you want to change probably severely dislikes certain types of people. Maybe they hate liberals or dirty hippies or business men in three piece suits or Jews. You'll want to hire a few people belonging to the group that your antagonist hates and make sure they'll be at a table in a cafe or restaurant that you and your antagonist can sit next to. Then you have them loudly discuss the subject that you and your antagonist have been discussing. Make sure you've paid your actors enough so they don't fuck it all up though! So the actors should be speaking in general terms without defending either side of the argument. Your antagonist will probably assume they're going to be on your side of the argument and roll his eyes and maybe make jerk-off motions as he eavesdrops. That's when your actors should start vehemently supporting his side! They should be rabid in their support of the subject! They should make claims that your antagonist has made but with even more passion and certainty! Then the actors should just quiet down and change the subject or just get the fuck out or whatever. Then you don't even mention it. Don't continue talking about the subject. Just ignore it. If your antagonist wants to bring it up, just hand wave the suggestion away and begin looking at the menu. You've now got your antagonist wondering why the fuck he agrees with the dirtbags that just left! He'll question and explore his reasons for believing what he believes because it's too horrible to think that they think the same way that he does! The next time your antagonist brings up the discussion, play a little middle of the road. Ease your antagonist along slowly. Maybe touch your antagonist's hand lightly and say, "It's a complicated matter." If eventually your antagonist continues to believe the same thing your antagonist has always believed, you should just stab your antagonist in the throat and be done with the matter.

Meanwhile in the Old West, Jonah Hex has been busy catching hoodlums to pay for his big bounty hunting expedition where he hunts down himself.

Ten thousand?! Just retire and forget about evil Jonah Hex!

Well, Jonah doesn't have the ten thousand yet and it doesn't look like he's going to get it any time soon since the entire town owns guns and the entire town wants to shoot some strangers. Did they miss the sign with the name of the town on it on the way in? I bet it read:

FUCKYOU
Population: None of your Gotdamn Business.

Luckily for Hex and Black, the town doesn't actually want to shoot anybody. They just want to take Blackthorne's ten thousand dollar bounty for themselves.

Unluckily for the townsfolk, they don't actually want to shoot anybody.

When Jonah and Tallulah wake up tied to their horses miles outside of town, Tallulah feels it's a perfect time to tell a story about a lucky shotgun. Hell, she's not wrong! Any time is right for a story about a lucky shotgun!

I'd repeat the story here but it's not the right time for it.

A preacher and his wife happen upon Jonah and Tallulah and quite aptly fail to untie them. They do give them a bit of Biblical advice which I'm sure is the next best thing to being rescued.

That preacher is going to do well for himself out west. He's just the right amounts of cautious and ornery.

Actually the preacher doesn't do as well as I thought since come morning, Jonah and Tallulah's horses bring them upon the preacher and his wife getting the crap kicked out of them by some thugs. Maybe he had too much ornery and not enough cautiousness! And since Jonah and Tallulah don't really have a say in the amount of cautiousness they can currently employ, they ride up on the thugs and quickly have their horses shot out from under them. Fucking dicks. I bet that was Tallulah's lucky horse!

That's going to be a hard promise to keep, sir!

All Star Western #32 Rating: No change. I thoroughly enjoy this book just about every month and would make it the #1 ranked comic book if I could! But I can't because the math behind the rankings can't just be fudged for one book without completely collapsing the underlying equation that keeps the rest of the New 52 sorted! So just understand while this might not be the best book of The New 52, it is definitely my current favorite. It wins the Tess's Pick Award for Outstanding Amorality and Shoot Em Up Bang Bang Times!

All Star Western #31

In this issue, Jonah Hex trips and falls face first into a campfire. Time anomaly fixed!

I had a bit of an existential crisis this morning in which I wondered why the fuck I was writing about comic books every single fucking day. And then I looked at the cover of this comic book, saw Jonah Hex grimacing like the hard bastard he is, felt a twinge of lust, and masturbated. That was followed by an even greater existential crisis in which I bargained with Jesus and told him he could be my Lord and Savior if he could just make me happy. But at that exact moment, lying on the floor amidst my tears and random bits of kitty litter, I saw an unopened bag of Darkside Skittles sitting on the bottom shelf of the bookshelf. "Too late, Jesus!" I screamed as I tore open the pack of Skittles and devoured them all from a sitting position, chewing heartily and happily as I stared at the clock, and thus time, directly in the face. It seemed my sugar levels must have been off because after gorging myself on evil candy, I felt loads better!

What actually happened this morning is that I woke up to a dream where the Non-Certified Spouse and I were running from a pyroclastic flow, sat down at the computer, surfed the web a bit (which made me feel a little bit down as I took a look at all the other Catwoman #31 reviews on the internet and realized there are people out there reading other people's reviews instead of mine, the assholes), laughed at someone actually being offended at Tumblr's little Doughnut Day Doughnut seemingly making a lighthearted D-Day reference, and then made up that first paragraph because I can't ever be honest with anybody at all. I'd rather they think I was crying and masturbating and eating candy all morning than have them know I was just sitting around feeling slightly sorry for myself because a few other people read a few other review sites.

Although I keep insisting this isn't a review site, so maybe I should be upset with myself! Maybe I should be appending "review" to all of my blog titles!

Anyway, when Jonah was last seen, he was surrounded by the Clem Hootkins Gang. Again!

It ends the way everybody knew it was going to end except the Clem Hootkins Gang.

I would be so awful in the Old West. I'd try so hard not to get myself killed that I'd probably get killed for being a spineless yellow coward. While Jonah and Tallulah seem to have no fear, managing to control every situation, I'd control no situations and have so much fear it would leak into my underwear several times per day. Although I've never shot a gun, so maybe I'm a quickdraw crackshot and I don't even know it! It's probably closer to the truth that I'd be the person getting a shot glass shoved down their throat or a key jammed into my eye. Fuck, that might still happen to me this weekend! I think I'll just stay inside.

Jonah and Tallulah only just got reacquainted and they're already bickering.

But you know this is going to end in some steamy fucking. If you're under seventeen, you should read that last sentence as "...going to end in intimate and rhythmic hugging." Don't say I've never done my part to protect the innocence of the youth!

I miss Moritat's art because it was perfectly suited for my sense of aesthetics. Unless I'm using "aesthetics" wrong. I don't even know if I spelled it correctly! Good thing you can't hear me trying to pronounce it! You'd think you were being attacked by a bunch of snakes! But for the first time, I'm appreciating Staz Johnson's art. It's not because it really seems to fit the mood. It's more because his check cleared. Enjoy your weekend, Staz!

That's more rhythmic hugging than I was expecting to see! Yee haw!

The Sheriff comes calling and makes the kids put their clothes back on. Then he and Hex have a discussion about scars and how Jonah Hex is wanted for murder. There's a guy out there kind of looks like Jonah but has the scar that Jonah used to have, and he's killing, robbing, and being generally downright disagreeable. Looks like Jonah fucked up time and now he's got to go back to the future! Or just kill the imposter.

It's hard to know with time travel what the writers are going to do with it until they actually do something with it. So Jonah has arrived back in "his" time although some things seem a bit different. That little person with the curly red hair was dead when Jonah headed to Future Gotham. Now he's alive. And there's a raggedy motherfucker that looks like Jonah out there killing people without bounties on their heads. Could be Jonah arrived back in an alternate timeline. Which is a proper possibility when writing a time travel story. The main thing to remember when writing time travel stories is consistency. Just stick to the rules you've made for your story, and you should be okay. Or just be thoroughly entertaining and I'll forgive your time travel missteps. I'm looking at you, Bill and Ted.

In the back-up story, it is revealed that Madame .44 has arrived in a strange place and that she's terrible at math.

Or she's fantastic at astronomy and knows she's looking at two moons, a planet, and a star.

There is one other explanation, Madame .44! You're in the world of Elfquest! Also, I forgot about the character I was going to create last month: Madame Edamame!

Madame .44 has either died or not died or gained They Live Grifter Vision or suffered a severe knock to the head. It's also possible she's dying, crushed under tons of rock, and having a Jacob's Ladder/An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge end of life vision. She also might be on Earth 23 unless the demon Earth is Earth 46. It's also possible she fell into an alternate timeline but is still on New Earth. Contrariwise, she may have swum into hell. Or she could have been bitten by a hallucinogenic moth and is tripping her bullets off.

On her way to town to figure out what the fuck is going on and how she can get the fuck to stop going on, her horse (which she befriended after a demon told her she was dead) gets shot by a demon bumblebee. Not that the demon bumblebee was holding a tiny little gun! No, the demon bumblebee was shot out of a rifle and blasted straight through the horse's neck. Madame .44 puts the horse out of its misery (because demon bumblebee's don't kill! They just pierce the flesh causing a little blood and horrific convulsions) and walks into town. This is the part of the story where my pants would be full of fear. But Madame .44 kills the bad guys and gets some help from the friendly neighborhood prostitutes.

I guess that's the set-up for any future Madame .44 stories to appear in any future DC Western titles.

All Star Western #31 Rating: +1 Ranking. Even though I wasn't very interested in the Madame .44 story, I still found myself enjoying it. And the Jonah Hex story had one of the best sex scenes so far in The New 52. That's counting the bloody foreplay. That's the best review I can do! If anybody out there writes real reviews for DC's New 52, let me know and I'll link your reviews at the end of my reviews. But you have to advertise my site on your blog as well! You have to accept that you will be backing somebody that might say something inappropriate about everybody's mother at any time! But you know what you also get? Leaving feigned humility dead in the dust, you get the best comic book reviewer (that doesn't know how to review) on the internet on your side! That's me, smart ass!

All Star Western #30

Since Gina's death, did Jonah stumble into a campfire face-first?

This issue begins with Hex digging a grave and the Narrator getting unduly philosophical on the nature of time and ding dongs. Well, maybe the Narrator doesn't talk about ding dongs. But I was thinking about ding dongs. Not the delicious, capitalized and trademarked Ding Dongs! The ding dongs that men have between their legs! Don't ask me why I was thinking about their veiny, throbbing, pre-ejaculate glistening, orifice seeking existence! It's too disturbing to even contemplate being that Jonah Hex is digging a grave for the sexiliciously sexy but now dead Gina. I wonder if he buried her with her clothes on? Dusty red dirt flung on top of her pearl white skin, settling slowly into every crevice and fold and pouty, bluing lips....

Maybe that should be my epitaph? "Tess always thought about inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times." Unless that's a stupid epitaph because when is an appropriate time to think about inappropriate things? A better epitaph would read, "Why the fuck did anybody ever read anything Tess ever wrote? Sicky weirdos!"

I imagine sassy, smart-mouthed clerks didn't last very long in the Old West. Randall and Dante would have been riddled with bullets in the first five minutes of the film.

Tallulah comes into town murdering thieves and thieving keys off of their corpses. Except it's just one thief she murders and one key she thieves, so I don't know why I pluralized everything in that last sentence. I suppose it could be that I don't know what I'm doing! I wish I was into math instead of nothing! Then I could have a math blog and post things like, "Isn't it cool that 2 + 2 = 4 all of the time, every time!" And people will go, "Like! Like! Like!" And then one asshole will go, "Actually, that only works if we're dealing with a base ten system and we agree on the signifiers used to communicate the equation." And then I'd shoot myself in the face rather than deal with some jerk that begins every single one of their sentences since they learned to construct sentences with "actually."

Jonah reintroduces himself to Tallulah because Gina died a week ago and Jonah hasn't had sex now for six days. So he's all, "Hey Tallulah Black! Remember how much you like the friction caused by rubbing our thingies together?" And Tallulah is all, "Hells yeah! Wait. Who are you?!" And Jonah is all, "Hey baby! It's me! Jonah Hex!" And Tallulah is all, "Why doesn't your face look like a raccoon trampled by a stampede of wild buffalo?" And Jonah is all, "My face might look different but little Jonah is exactly the same! Except I might have brought back Chlamydia which will totally change history somehow!"

I wonder if in the future, teenagers will study a famous book that uses the Californication "is/was all" instead of says/said? Is that even a Californian thing or just a generational affectation? It's hard for me to tell seeing as how I grew up in California and, at times, I've wanted to stab people in the face for the amount of times they shoved the word "like" into a sentence. I find myself, like, doing it sometimes and I, like, despise myself for it. Anyway, "is all" is just one of my favorite ways of shoving a full conversation into a single paragraph!

For an audience to accept a writer breaking traditional rules regarding writing, grammar, and language in general, the writer usually has to have previously proven that they understand the rules that they're breaking. The readers often need to understand that there is a battle going on inside the words and language being used or else they'll just abandon the written piece due to their belief that it's ignorant twaddle. Of course, you'll never win over the pretentious assholes who feel the constant need to prove they know more than everybody else. But what are you going to do about them anyway? Fuck those prigs!

Gina who?

Jonah's story about traveling through time is interrupted by the Clem Hootkins Gang. Who should be mostly dead. So it looks like Booster wasn't too specific about when he sent Jonah back in time.

The Jonah Hex part of the story was short to make way for a Madame .44 story because DC Comics hasn't had enough Madame .44 stories in the Reboot. Especially ones drawn by really old men!

Madame .44 is a dumb name. Also, I just decided to create a superhero named Madame Edamame.

The story is about demons and gold mines and manipulative whores and paranoid sons and rattlesnakes and dynamited mines and betrayal and dead whores and supernatural underground glowing lakes and corsets and such. Typical old west stuff.

All Star Western #30 Rating: No change. I miss Moritat! And full length Jonah Hex stories! And my youth!

All Star Western #28

What kind of quack doctor would save a guy's life after being hit by a semi-truck and choose to do plastic surgery on a facial wound that was obviously long past healed and scarred over? I bet Hex gets billed for it too.

I'm disappointed that Moritat's name isn't on the cover. I'm also disappointed that I've heard this book has been cancelled. Hell, I'm actually surprised it survived this long. It's been a fun book with one of the most interesting characters of The New 52's launch. I can still hope that Gray and Palmiotti eventually write the novel, Face Full of Violence by Amadeus Arkham.

The EMTs that found Hex at the scene of the crash believe that the accident took off half his face, so they call ahead to have a reconstruction specialist waiting at the hospital. That's all well and good because Hex's face is probably covered in blood and road rash. But if a specialist takes a look at that mess, he's going to notice all the scarring and healed over bits mixed in with the new scrapes and contusions. Although my only medical experience is playing Operation and I never took a turn where I had to reconstruct the guy's face. Although his nose really seemed inflamed. With that and all the weird shit in the guy's body, he must have been an alcoholic circus geek.

Hex winds up in a coma but not before he gets a new face put on! Meanwhile Gina comes to visit him every day for a month hoping that he'll get better. At least she has all the treasure they dug up to pay for her new life in Metropolis. And probably the medical bills. I doubt Hex has insurance.

So far this issue looks and reads like an old sixties comic about nursing. "NIGHT NURSE! The night ward will never be the same!"

After about two or three months, Jonah Hex wakes up and, well, that's about it. I guess Gina is happy. But the world doesn't give a shit. Nothing changes. All the boring shit we all do every day, we still do. One man just happened to get lucky and come back to conscious reality. Lucky him.

The doctor informs Jonah that he'll remove the bandages on his face so Hex can get a good look at the reconstructive surgery. I guess they just left the old bandages on because they needed written consent to remove them. Even though his face had healed weeks ago. "Oh, just leave it covered! It'll be a nice surprise when he wakes up! Like unwrapping a present!"

I bet he doesn't even recognize himself! Not because the scars are gone but because Moritat isn't drawing him.

Actually, the doctor explains why the bandages are still on his face right before removing them. Whatever. We know it was so the reader could get a nice reveal partway through the comic book. Unless they looked at the cover before reading and saw the spoiler about his face.

I have to say I liked him better before.

Once Tallulah sees the wonders of modern plastic surgery, she's going to want to take a trip into the future as well! She's got plenty of scars she might want touched up. Although I think she's beautiful the way she is. At least the way Moritat drew her! Staz and Fabrizio might not do her justice. They definitely aren't doing Hex justice! But then he shouldn't look good. He should look rough and drawn as if by an artist from the seventies.

Hex is allowed to leave the hospital with Gina the next day and they run into Booster Gold in the parking lot. He's finally allowed back into the DC Universe! Hex greets him by taking his hat back and punching him in the face. Is that a standard DC greeting that I just haven't been privy to? Booster doesn't offer up any stories about where he's been. He just gets right down to the business of helping Hex get home.

This sucks. I wanted to see The House of Secrets. I guess I have to make due with its appearance in DC Universe vs. the Masters of the Universe.

Check out Booster's junk in that first panel! I don't know why he's pointing to it.

Jonah and Gina find themselves in the middle of nowhere back in his own time. They also find themselves surrounded by Native Americans. Jonah tries to explain how he was raised by the Apache but it seems everyone is familiar with his legend. And everybody knows that Jonah bears the mark of the demon on his face. So they just figure he's lying and decide to kill him and take Gina. Well, if they won't believe he's Jonah by his words, maybe they'll believe him by his actions. Of course, you can't really believe anything with a bullet in your head.

All Star Western #28 Rating: No change. No House of Secrets? Come on! This story feels like a change in the plot to compensate for cancellation! Stop with the House of Secrets story and just get Jonah back to the past. Also give him a new face because one of the best things about this reboot that is just starting to show itself is that it's not afraid to change shit up. Instead of keeping the status quo for years and years, DC seems to be allowing characters to really change. Hex no longer has the iconic look. Two-face is dead and about to be replaced by Erin McKillemall. The Guardians of the Universe are dead and gone. Oa is destroyed. The Teen Titans fucking suck. Catwoman doesn't understand cats. The New 52 is finally acting new!

Pandora #7

Wouldn't this cover look great in crayon?!

I thought about doing the rest of the Forever Evil: Blight issue commentaries in crayon but then decided it would just feel like trying desperately to hold on to the magic of my Constantine #10 commentary. Plus I need to buy more crayons. Preferably one of the large boxes with the built-in crayon sharpener. Although I have a feeling that if I did the crayon version of every comic book I read from here on out, this blog could become a huge hit. That's the kind of gimmick that people love to see one time and then never remember seeing a few months later. But who needs longevity in this day and age, right? I don't think that actually exists anymore.

Part of my theory for the Blight story line was that Chris was a Christ-figure and he was going to have to be betrayed by The Phantom Stranger and martyred in order to save the world. But now with this cover, it looks like "Light" is what is going to be needed to defeat "Blight." I guess one doesn't negate the other. The Light of Chris will defeat the evil in men's souls. But probably not women's. Their evil is always so much more personal and hurtful! Men are like, "I'm going to be super evil because I want the most shit and power! Whoever gets in my way will be struck down!" And women are all, "I'm going to be super evil to just you, on the down low, because you didn't notice my new hair cut. And I will fucking destroy you for it, no matter how long it takes." Children are just plain, "I'm fucking evil, motherfucker! Give me all the attention and all the candy! Fuck your needs and desires! Deal with me!"

Last time we saw The Mini-JLD, they had just returned to heaven with a new partner: Zauriel. He has decided to help Constantine in his quest to save Zatanna because he believes in love. What a naive bitch.

They're like a bunch of tarot cards. Or a new Chess Set. Hmm. I wonder if I should design a chessboard game pitting these seven against Blight and the last six Sins?

Pandora reveals that when she was in Heaven, she was simply asked by Dog, "What are you?" She seemed to know who she was at various points along her 10,000 year life but now she's at a loss. What the fuck is left of a person after 10,000 years? Can you continue to grow or do your edges just get constantly worn away year after year by tedium and entropy? What kind of goals can you have when you have all the time in the world to obtain them? Seems like whatever you wanted, you could eventually get. Whatever you believed would eventually not make any sense as the world changed around you. According to notes made by my first grade teacher on my report card, I'm roughly the exact same person I was at six that I am now at forty-two. And every new generation that appears really isn't any different than the one before it, no matter how much more wise they like to think they are with modern thoughts. But they'll learn. We were all at that peak of youthful passion at one point or another. We all thought the same thoughts and knew how the world should be and how we'd all get along. But as the years pass, you see yourself betrayed by your own generation, stabbed in the back by the power hungry and materialistic masses that never felt the same way at all and continued to perpetuate the institutionalized bullshit that you thought your generation was going to change. Imagine seeing how human culture never really changes either, even after 10,000 years. I imagine I'd feel pretty weary and bitter by this time. Youthful optimism would be long gone, leaving me just a mass of bristling, resentful, raggedly raw nerves. Completely cynical. Angry. Hateful. Burnt out. Hell, fuck ten thousand years! That sounds like me now!

At least Pandora still has her looks.

This is pretty close, in a metaphorical way, to what I was just saying!

This brings to bear the one truly new thing that I hope can make a difference. The internet. Before the internet, the lights were mostly isolated. People cultivated friendships with others that felt the same way about positive change. But they were still surrounded by mostly shallow, uncaring people. Ideas could be shared but it took a lot more effort and they had to fight across vast expanses of darkness to alight on like minds. But the internet enables all like minds to connect. Maybe that will be a good thing. Although it might also be bad, seeing as how movements tend to fracture and split over petty differences. Perhaps the internet will just increase the pace that movements devolve into multiple movements that share basically the same goal but bicker and fight over the particulars. I know I see this all the time on Tumblr and I like to think most of it is just youthful passion looking for any opponent and that that will be tempered with time. I know that I've been written off by people quite a few times simply due to my facetious nature on this blog and I don't always treat certain subjects with the proper gravitas others believe is required. That's fine. Every individual can only interpret things the way they interpret things and if I anger somebody, I can't be upset at them for lashing out at me. I often say stupid things for a laugh, say crass things for satirical purposes, and can get plain disgusting in some people's eyes if they think masturbation should not be talked about (and celebrated!) in a public place.

In the end, the only thing I really hope for all of us looking to improve our society is that we concentrate our attacks on the darkness rather than trying to prove that our light shines brighter than the other lights.

Oh look. Fawkes continues with the lights as well.

You should just ignore all of that previous shit. Just remember this: Scott Lobdell is the true evil.

Pandora comes to the conclusion that she can become host to the Light just as Chris is host to the Blight. That's nicely symmetrical, right? And she believes that the world still has a chance to be saved as long as there is still hope. But Chris's last name is Esperanza which means hope! So as long as Chris lives, Blight can be defeated! The Justice League Dark must take care to win Chris the Redeemer back to their side so that he can banish The Blight from his body.

This new incarnation of the Seven Soldiers of Victory meet Blight and his army in the middle of the George Washington Bridge in New York. But the real crux of the battle is the hand-to-hand combat between Pandora and Chris, Light and Blight. Pandora uses the light of everyone around the world with any kindness within them. In Constantine #10, Pandora said she was shown the goodness within each of her companions. And now she uses that knowledge to help make her stronger. And she's able to drive The Blight away.

For now! This Crossover is far from over!

Pandora and The Phantom Stranger take mercy on Chris and let him live. I believe that's the right thing to do although Constantine wants them to kill him. And he's kind of proven right when The Blight retakes Chris who begins choking the shit out of The Phantom Stranger. But that's just because this story has many more issues to go. Like keeping Gollum alive in The Lord of the Rings, the team will eventually only defeat The Blight by keeping hope alive. Hope being Christ the Babysitter!

Blight dissipates The Phantom Stranger before being tackled off the bridge by Pandora where they both sink to the bottom of the river. John asks himself, "What do we do now, John?" and Zauriel answers, "What do you think?" What he thinks is that they need to finish the fight once and for all, so it looks like they're going to have to take a dip into the river. Or get Deadman to fish Pandora and Blight out.

Pandora #7 Rating: +2 Ranking. Another good chapter in The Blight Crossover even though it didn't really afford any opportunities for vulgarity and mean-spirited comments.

Pandora #6

I really should compile a list of all the different characters and voices I've created during the life of this blog. At the top of the list would be, of course, me. Not to expose the magic behind it all but, yes, you guessed it. The voice of this blog isn't my actual voice! Many of the opinions expressed within this blog aren't my opinions at all (yes they are. I'm just saying that to cover my ass (no, no. Seriously. I say a lot of shit I don't believe (no I don't (I do! (you fucking don't (Fuck you!))))))! I realized I really need a list when I just reread my commentary on Pandora #5 and fell in love with the character of Philo Sophocles! A character I had no memory of writing! How many other characters have I created on a whim, merely to forget about them as soon as I hit the Publish button?! And how could I leave Cowboy Joe behind?! That guy was a masterful creation! I just wish he hadn't been murdered on the street by some random asshole that thought he was the Punisher of the homeless. Poor Cowboy Joe.

Now I feel like a dick! I just killed one of my most beloved characters! I take it back! I take it back! I didn't mean it, Cowboy Joe! Everybody just thought you were dead but you're just in a coma and most likely going to pull through! Please don't die, Cowboy Joe! I didn't mean it! Really, I didn't! I'm so sorry!

Speaking of Cowboy Joe, I just reread his commentary on Green Lantern #17 (which I linked to and which you should probably read if'n you ain't never read it) and fuck me. Just. Just fuck me. Cowboy Joe, how could I ever have forgotten you? Thank you for the words you laid down nearly a year ago. They're just what I fucking needed to hear. Holy shit.

My past self just made me fucking cry. Jerko.

So when we last saw Pandora, she was battling the Mini-Sins and The Blight in New York City. Way back in one of the Trinity War issues, she learned how to kill the sins. That's when she killed Envy. But she hasn't had a chance to try the trick out a second time until now. But will she remember that she had that power? I'm betting she doesn't!

Oh yeah, and Constantine was about to be eaten by The Blight while whinging on about how much he loves Zatanna and how much he took her for granted and how poorly he treated her and all that bullshit. Those feelings don't mean anything when you're about to die, John. Feel the same way when you're calmly having a conversation over a cup of coffee with her and maybe they'll be true. Do you only feel love for her when she's not around? When she might be in danger? When she's telling you to sod off and walking away with another man? Yeah, that isn't love or caring, you selfish prat. So shut the fuck up and get back on your feet. You know, after Pandora saves your ass.

Oh, she does remember! That must be why Mini-Envy is not represented. Still dead (but on the mend, I'm sure!).

I'm getting the distinct feeling that this is going to be another issue where nothing much happens except a bunch of punches are thrown as the Mini-JLD get their asses kicked by The Blight.

Hell, for most of the comic book, they don't even get their asses kicked! They just run around saving New Yorkers from certain dragon breathing death. The Mini-JLD's only plan is "don't die." And they're barely pulling that off! It's crazy how quickly a comic book story can take me from "super duper twelve year old kid interested" to "get to the fucking point already or I'm going to fucking have a wank." About the only thing that can win me back at this point is if Etrigan were summoned forth to save the day!

This story is actually reminding me quite a bit of Swamp Thing #50 by Alan Moore from 1986! All of DC's magic types gathered together to defeat some huge rampaging evil which eventually turns out to be simply a necessary part of reality. It just became more violent and ruthless depending on how mankind judged it vile and thought negatively about its role in the universe. Perhaps Swamp Thing needs to do to The Blight what he did to the Bad Thing way back in the Preboot Universe! Swamp Thing! Try telling it this since this worked before:

"I have nothing. I came in resignation. Whatever you are, I cannot fight you. But I cannot stand and watch. I cannot. I am not the one you seek. I have tried to make sense of that darkness and I have failed. I have seen evil, its cruelty, the randomness which it ravages innocent and guilty alike. I have not understood it. I asked the Parliament of Trees whose knowledge is older, greater than mine. They seemed to insist that there was no evil. But I have seen evil and their answer was incomprehensible to me. And yet...and yet, they spoke of aphids eating leaves, bugs eating aphids, themselves finally devoured by the soil, feeding the foliage. They asked where evil dwelled within this cycle and told me to look to the soil. The black soil is rich in foul decay yet glorious life springs from it. But however dazzling the flourishes of life, in the end, all decays to the same black humus. Perhaps...perhaps evil is the humus formed by virtue's decay. And perhaps...perhaps it is from that dark, sinister loam that virtue grows strongest? I...do not know. I do not know...what they meant."

See? Change the perception! Change the battlefield! Teach The Blight it is necessary and part of the entire cycle! It is neither bad nor good and, thus, it should not feel anger or betrayal at the way people choose to fight against it. It is necessary and its opposite is necessary. And if it destroys everything, it destroys itself! Teach it, Swamp Thing! Teach it!

You could also, possibly, just play ten million games of Tic Tac Toe with it to show it that everything is futile. Then it will give up and stop acting like a fucking prick.

Also, I should state, if it wasn't entirely clear from context, that the above blockquote was written by Alan Moore in that issue of Swamp Thing I mentioned earlier.

Oh! Speaking of Swamp Thing #50 and the Preboot universe, you know who was in that issue that I hope fucking returns to The New 52 at some point? Steve Dayton! Mento! Beast Boy's father! That guy was a nutty fucking dirtbag!

Constantine has a plan to use the Mark of Dun-Kon-Wen! I don't know what that means! But they all need to be marked so it might be like the seance the magic types used in Swamp Thing #50! The seance that burned up Zatarra and Sargon! But this time, there aren't any hit eaters in the group that can be wiped from the New 52! Hmm, except Nightmare Nurse, right? No, no. Don't even think that! I'd miss her way too much! I'd rather have Pandora or The Phantom Stranger die!

Okay, now see this? This is more of the type of stuff that will keep me interested while they battle the beast! Just watching them stop dragon breath and get slapped around by Mini-Sins won't do it for me.

Although, depending on how the battle progresses, sometimes mere physical violence can hold my attention.

Like this here when Constantine loses his head for the first time ever. At least metaphorically. I think he's probably been decapitated before.

Well, I was hoping somebody would die but this is unbelievable! And a death in a comic book that is unbelievable doesn't really cause any kind of dramatic tension. But it was a nice surprise panel anyway! I suppose the Mark of Dun-Kon-Wen will be the reason Constantine isn't actually dead. Although he's going to have a great big magic bill to pay off for casting the kind of spell that allows him to survive severe head loss.

Blight easily kills the rest of the Mini-JLD on the following page. Oh! I think John meant to use the Mark of Dun-Won-Ken! Whoops! Oh well. I guess Forever Evil: Blight is over!

Oh no! Wait, wait. Like an NFL Referee who...no, wait...like all NFL Referees all of the time, I called the play dead too early. It looks like being killed was just the first half of the plan! Pshaw! Like I didn't actually know that already! What do you think I am? A Novice Comic Book Reader?! I'm an Immaculate!

I hope Terrance Thirteen recognizes the Mark of Dun-Kon-Wen before he has these corpses littering his house cremated.

Pandora #6 Rating: +2 Ranking. Okay, this issue almost lost me for a bit. Last chapter of The Blight (Constantine #9?) just felt like a great big filler issue and this issue felt like it was going the same way. But it really brought up its game and cleaned up its act and took a shot of penicillin in the second half. They finally came up with a plan and took some action! Plus Constantine's head went flying 2D6 feet away! That was a pretty awesome critical hit.

All Star Western #21

Is Booster Gold going to accidentally bring Jonah Hex into the future?

This issue begins with Jonah Hex and Booster Gold high tailing it back to town with the Deadly Bounty Hunters close on their heels. The Dwarf gets shot in the head immediately so that nobody has to worry about his murdering ass anymore. And then as Jonah gets behind the Gatling Gun, the inevitable western moment approaches. That's when the heroes in a runaway wagon approach a cliff. It can't be helped because no matter where you are in the southwest, you're never at the lowest point. Just ask the Grand Canyon! Which the bottom of might be the lowest point. But nobody ever has to deal with a runaway wagon at the bottom of the Grand Canyon!

I suppose this will be the moment that Booster Gold realizes he's wearing a Legion Flight Ring. At least it'll be the moment where he learns what the Legion Flight Ring is for.

Forget flying! They should time travel!

Which is what they do! Booster Gold informs Jonah Hex that he should keep his seat in an upright position and make sure his tray table is up and all baggage is safely stowed under the seat in front of him. Also, he mentions how he should probably hang on to Booster Gold. But just like when I travel, Jonah doesn't listen to fuck all and ignores all the safety procedures. Instead, he punches Booster Gold in the face and falls away from him to land in a different place and time.

Jonah Hex is awakened by some Steampunk cosplayers in a subway tunnel in a modern city. Probably Gotham since he's going to fight Batwing. I'm pretty good at putting clues together. If you tell me two plus two equals four, I can tell you that two plus two also equals four. My equation had the twos reversed, in case you weren't sure of the difference. It's just that kind of special brand of logic that I bring to life! Can't fool me!

I'm pretty sure Nodell's is a drag club like Portland's Darcelle's. Which is why Snyder and Capullo are headlining.

A cry for help leads Jonah into an alley where a gang of muties are mugging some tourists. Do I recognize these guys from somewhere? The Dark Knight Returns, maybe? Yeah, that's it. Now I never watched Batman Beyond, so were these kinds of gangs in that show as well? I wish Jonah Hex could have entered the pages of Transmetropolitan. I want to see him team up with Spider Jerusalem now.

Jonah Hex doesn't have time for your suggestions.

After Jonah kills all of the gang members, the Gotham City Police roll up and merely add to the confusion, in some ways I wouldn't have even considered.

Out of all the things you're confused by, Jonah--the lights, the cars, the Tasers, the airplanes--it's the black police officer that you question first. Coming from 19th Century America, that's understandable.

Speaking of racism and prejudice, I played some Call of Duty on Saturday night outside of Party Chat. I sometimes forget how many assholes play first person shooters because I tend to only play with my friends and in Party Chat so we don't have to listen to anybody else. For those of you who don't know how it works, a bunch of random people are brought together into a lobby before the game starts. When people are talking, you can see the microphone icon next to their name. People may talk trash to each other at this point and it's mostly annoying shit that they think is the most clever thing ever said outside of Oscar Wilde's parlor. But when the game begins, the screen changes to a loading screen where you can't see who is speaking. And that's when people feel brave enough to let their true racist selves go to town so that they won't be reported. At this point, all you hear are a bunch of people letting loose with "YOU BUNCH OF FAGGOT NIGGERS!" and variants of that phrase. Pretty much exclusively variants of that phrase. What's really depressing is that I've been playing Xbox First Person Shooters for about seven years now and none of this shit has changed. The only thing that's changed is Xbox giving players options to not have to hear these pricks. Too bad those idiot assholes don't realize their voice sounds the same on that screen as on the screens that show who is talking. Because as soon as I hear them brag about some great shot and it's that voice that screeched out nonsense during the loading screen, I file a report. It's not much but fuck their cowardly asses.

Also, I'm pretty fucking good at Call of Duty so kicking their asses is always pretty satisfying.

Now I wish my Xbox Gamer Tag was Jonah Hex instead of The Red Lizard!

Enough about powerless youths trying desperately to gain some kind of power through hateful language. Time to get back to Jonah Hex's power struggle in Future Gotham.

Hey Batwing! I was just speaking of racial insensitivity!

I wonder if Marvel has any Nazi superheroes that go around fighting crime while wearing their Nazi uniform? I suppose this isn't much different except for the fact that Jonah Hex isn't a superhero. He's just this guy, you know? Because he generally seems to fight for the underdog and against corruption and assholes, I've never really thought much about his beliefs. I just assumed he fought for the South because he was from the South or that he was conscripted somehow or maybe he was drunk and signed up by accident. But hell. I suppose he could be a racist asshole too, couldn't he?

Batwing questions Hex as they brawl because Hex is using antique guns and talking about Amadeus Arkham and mentioning the Crime Bible and the Court of Owls and just generally presenting himself as another Batshit loonybird from Gotham. Batwing knocks him out after learning his name (I don't know if Batwing doesn't believe it because it's a crazy name or because Batwing has actually heard of Jonah Hex) and Jonah wakes up in a straight jacket in Arkham Asylum as Arkham Inmate #1857.

Fuck this comic book is some good comic book shit.

Meanwhile the Stormwatch back-up story that wasn't what I thought it was going to be and has completely disappointed me by hardly being about Jenny Freedom at all is about to wrap up. The Virgin Doctor Thirteen was just about to get his throat torn out by Mircalla Nosferata. Unless her name was something different since I'm just guessing at it!

Apparently Doctor Thirteen wasn't as virginal as the rumors would have had Nosferata believe. Or he's a big proponent of eating tons and tons of garlic.

Yep. Turns out he's been eating a buttload of garlic (again, I must point out, I know the expression is "boatload" but I vastly prefer to say "buttload"). Some kind of nutrition regimen that's also meant to kill rats. He's a weird guy. I love him.

I don't know a whole lot about Master Gunfighter although he seems to be of the Blade variety. But simply having Jenny Freedom and Doctor Thirteen on this version of Stormwatch could carry a full length comic book. I'm ready for it! They just have to replace Adam One with some other 19th Century character. Like Bat Lash!

When the Queen Vampire dies, the rest just begin to explode. And then the cavern crashes down on top of the City of Gold and the three Crystal Skulls of Boundless Rule which Adam was after. And which he was more than willing to sacrifice Doctor Thirteen for. Which has left Doctor Thirteen a wee bit upset.

Fisticuffs!

The team decide to ditch Adam One without his horse and without his clothes. Seems a sensible plan to me. And then Jenny Freedom offers to remove the virginity from Doctor Thirteen. I was hoping she'd bring it up seeing as how she's Jenny Freedom and thus free of any sexual hang-ups as well as everything else. Have some fun with the stodgy old virgin!

This final chapter of 19th Century Stormwatch is the story I was hoping for from the beginning! Too much time was wasted recruiting one after the other and then last issue I don't remember very well but I think there was fighting and stuff. But this one had the makings of a great Stormwatch team! These members are interesting and fun! I don't know when they'll be back but I really look forward to seeing them again.

All Star Western #21 Rating: +2 Ranking. I loved everything about this issue. Bravo, DC! More of this stuff! I wonder if Booster Gold is back in the normal NOW of DC Time? Just in time for The Trinity War! He and Skeets need to play a part.