E!TACT #64
Lanterns Review, Maximum Overdrive Review, and Trucks Review
By Grunion Guy
Lanterns Review, Maximum Overdrive Review, and Trucks Review
By Grunion Guy
Lanterns, A Review
The new HBO show about the Green Lanterns asks the most important question that can be asked about the space cop organization created in 1959: "How many of the decisions of a sentient, mostly inanimate object are informed by systemic racism?" I don't mean that as a cynical criticism at all! It's obviously a great question because the backdrop of the show is Earth but particularly America where we should be asking that question of ourselves every day. Not because we're looking to feel awful or shame ourselves (and others which can be a lot of fun so we should be careful about how and why we do it but that discussion should be saved for an essay on some Spider-man franchise) but because we should constantly be moving ourselves toward being better people creating a better country so that our children can have a better future. Most people don't want to ask questions like that which is why a dumb show about comic book characters needs to ask it multiple times right in your face in the third episode.
Hidden behind that question and eagerly vying for your attention is the next big question the show asks (which is the question that has been asked for decades by Hal Jordan himself): How can a space police force run by little blue aliens whose concept of ethics, order, and morality are so foreign to not just human beings but every single other alien species in the entire universe know what is best for everybody? How can not it not become (assuming it didn't actually start out this way) a fascist, authoritarian regime demanding an infinite variety of people and cultures all act in accordance with their will and using their supreme belief in their will (and will itself) to justify the violence their Corps enacts?
So, you know, they, at least, have that in common with our police force in America (and probably other countries but since few other countries espouse the belief that plurality is what makes us great and then to have a police force that uses that plurality as an excuse to arrest and beat and murder the non-whites compromising a good percentage of that plurality (and because I live in America), I'm less concerned with how other countries do it right now).
But Hal Jordan does not believe that Green Lives Matter. He would never be caught dead with an American flag with a putrid green line replacing one of the other lines as if members of the Green Lantern Corps somehow are a special class of American that deserves unconditional support for absolutely no Goddamned good reason. Hal Jordan questions authority. And, sure, Hal Jordan also is want to run into a situation with green fists blazing, using violence to enact order, he usually does so for the right reasons. It's why Kyle Chandler's constantly talking about his gut and his instincts in the show. Usually, I'm whatever the opposite is of a proponent of cops using their guts and instincts (oh! It's "opponent", isn't it! I'm an opponent to cops who think their gut feelings are accurate and believe intuition is evidence!). But this is a comic book series where Hal Jordan is the actual Main Character because stories are allowed to have Main Characters whereas real life does not have Main Characters because people who act like Main Characters are actually NPC douchebags. Hal Jordan does the right thing with an inherent knowledge of the right thing that is (mostly) infallible because he is the good guy and the hero. I say "mostly" because he also still has things to learn from younger generations and Black artists who also need to learn things because they (the Black artist in question here is John Stewart) have things to learn about strictly following authoritative forces and acting on orders without thinking.
Speaking of John Stewart (who is maybe the actual Main Character of this show (which is also wrong because the show is called Lanterns which is plural indicating more than one main character exists (two for sure but possibly three and maybe four, depending on how much Sinestro will play apart and how often Guy Gardner will be allowed to steal the spotlight in every scene he winds up being in)), this might be the first time that I'm fine with Stewart's background being that of a Marine. I always hated that his character somehow morphed from an architect to a soldier. But in this case, they give him the architectural bent (less subtly going for the "art" part of it than the "building" part of it which I always thought was fairly clever (also making him an artist, and making him extremely competent with the ring in ways even Hal seems impressed by, might be an indication that there's no place for Kyle Rayner in this show which could upset some people but I'm fine with)) along with the soldiering bit. And I don't mind it because we see a man that was raised by a strong authoritarian voice using the promise of a better life after his normal one just so of going with the flow of the whole military mindset. His parents lie to him to get him to do what they want. The military lies to him to get him to do what they want. And now the Guardians are lying to him to get him to do what they want. Stewart, being a smart chocolate chip cookie (as opposed to a smart cracker which is what Hal would be if he were smart), has already sensed the downfalls of listening to authoritarians. He lost everything when the military used him to clean up their (and Hal Jordan's!) mess. He wound up a child back in his parents' home where he was never really happy except when drawing. His mother finally sees what they've done to him by forcing him to do what they say because of a vague Christian hope for an unbelievable life after the current life he's living if he just behaves and acts in a proper manner. She relents and helps him get into art school.
This first series has Hal and John hunting down a Manhunter which, I mean, a bit on the nose if you wanted a naming convention to absolutely Other an alien on Earth. But it's really about John learning that orders should be questioned and Hal learning that other people can be trusted to be competent and brave and heroic too. But Hal probably won't learn the lesson that he doesn't have to go down in flames like his father did just to prove something to himself and others because we already saw in the first episode how his story will end. But maybe it ends that way because he does the learn the lesson, right? That's almost certainly the story being told. And John will take over but he'll have been genuinely corrupted by Hal (in a good way by helping John to realize cops, even space cops, are awful people!) so that the Guardians will be all, "FUCKING HAL JORDAN! YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT! YOU RUINED ARE SUPER COMPETENT GREEN LANTERN PUPPET!"
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the show after four episodes. I really fucking like it a lot and Kyle Chandler couldn't be a better Hal Jordan. And Aaron Pierre is one fine John Stewart ("fine" being defined as excellent and so fucking hot). Plus during the first episode, the sheriff tells Hal to "eat shit" which is surely something Tom King demanded be in the first script as a shout-out to my web page, right?! Sure, it would have been better if the sheriff had spelled out the word shit ("Eat s-h-i-t, Hal!" she would have said while turning and winking at the camera) but then maybe it would have been too obvious, right?!
The new HBO show about the Green Lanterns asks the most important question that can be asked about the space cop organization created in 1959: "How many of the decisions of a sentient, mostly inanimate object are informed by systemic racism?" I don't mean that as a cynical criticism at all! It's obviously a great question because the backdrop of the show is Earth but particularly America where we should be asking that question of ourselves every day. Not because we're looking to feel awful or shame ourselves (and others which can be a lot of fun so we should be careful about how and why we do it but that discussion should be saved for an essay on some Spider-man franchise) but because we should constantly be moving ourselves toward being better people creating a better country so that our children can have a better future. Most people don't want to ask questions like that which is why a dumb show about comic book characters needs to ask it multiple times right in your face in the third episode.
Hidden behind that question and eagerly vying for your attention is the next big question the show asks (which is the question that has been asked for decades by Hal Jordan himself): How can a space police force run by little blue aliens whose concept of ethics, order, and morality are so foreign to not just human beings but every single other alien species in the entire universe know what is best for everybody? How can not it not become (assuming it didn't actually start out this way) a fascist, authoritarian regime demanding an infinite variety of people and cultures all act in accordance with their will and using their supreme belief in their will (and will itself) to justify the violence their Corps enacts?
So, you know, they, at least, have that in common with our police force in America (and probably other countries but since few other countries espouse the belief that plurality is what makes us great and then to have a police force that uses that plurality as an excuse to arrest and beat and murder the non-whites compromising a good percentage of that plurality (and because I live in America), I'm less concerned with how other countries do it right now).
But Hal Jordan does not believe that Green Lives Matter. He would never be caught dead with an American flag with a putrid green line replacing one of the other lines as if members of the Green Lantern Corps somehow are a special class of American that deserves unconditional support for absolutely no Goddamned good reason. Hal Jordan questions authority. And, sure, Hal Jordan also is want to run into a situation with green fists blazing, using violence to enact order, he usually does so for the right reasons. It's why Kyle Chandler's constantly talking about his gut and his instincts in the show. Usually, I'm whatever the opposite is of a proponent of cops using their guts and instincts (oh! It's "opponent", isn't it! I'm an opponent to cops who think their gut feelings are accurate and believe intuition is evidence!). But this is a comic book series where Hal Jordan is the actual Main Character because stories are allowed to have Main Characters whereas real life does not have Main Characters because people who act like Main Characters are actually NPC douchebags. Hal Jordan does the right thing with an inherent knowledge of the right thing that is (mostly) infallible because he is the good guy and the hero. I say "mostly" because he also still has things to learn from younger generations and Black artists who also need to learn things because they (the Black artist in question here is John Stewart) have things to learn about strictly following authoritative forces and acting on orders without thinking.
Speaking of John Stewart (who is maybe the actual Main Character of this show (which is also wrong because the show is called Lanterns which is plural indicating more than one main character exists (two for sure but possibly three and maybe four, depending on how much Sinestro will play apart and how often Guy Gardner will be allowed to steal the spotlight in every scene he winds up being in)), this might be the first time that I'm fine with Stewart's background being that of a Marine. I always hated that his character somehow morphed from an architect to a soldier. But in this case, they give him the architectural bent (less subtly going for the "art" part of it than the "building" part of it which I always thought was fairly clever (also making him an artist, and making him extremely competent with the ring in ways even Hal seems impressed by, might be an indication that there's no place for Kyle Rayner in this show which could upset some people but I'm fine with)) along with the soldiering bit. And I don't mind it because we see a man that was raised by a strong authoritarian voice using the promise of a better life after his normal one just so of going with the flow of the whole military mindset. His parents lie to him to get him to do what they want. The military lies to him to get him to do what they want. And now the Guardians are lying to him to get him to do what they want. Stewart, being a smart chocolate chip cookie (as opposed to a smart cracker which is what Hal would be if he were smart), has already sensed the downfalls of listening to authoritarians. He lost everything when the military used him to clean up their (and Hal Jordan's!) mess. He wound up a child back in his parents' home where he was never really happy except when drawing. His mother finally sees what they've done to him by forcing him to do what they say because of a vague Christian hope for an unbelievable life after the current life he's living if he just behaves and acts in a proper manner. She relents and helps him get into art school.
This first series has Hal and John hunting down a Manhunter which, I mean, a bit on the nose if you wanted a naming convention to absolutely Other an alien on Earth. But it's really about John learning that orders should be questioned and Hal learning that other people can be trusted to be competent and brave and heroic too. But Hal probably won't learn the lesson that he doesn't have to go down in flames like his father did just to prove something to himself and others because we already saw in the first episode how his story will end. But maybe it ends that way because he does the learn the lesson, right? That's almost certainly the story being told. And John will take over but he'll have been genuinely corrupted by Hal (in a good way by helping John to realize cops, even space cops, are awful people!) so that the Guardians will be all, "FUCKING HAL JORDAN! YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT! YOU RUINED ARE SUPER COMPETENT GREEN LANTERN PUPPET!"
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the show after four episodes. I really fucking like it a lot and Kyle Chandler couldn't be a better Hal Jordan. And Aaron Pierre is one fine John Stewart ("fine" being defined as excellent and so fucking hot). Plus during the first episode, the sheriff tells Hal to "eat shit" which is surely something Tom King demanded be in the first script as a shout-out to my web page, right?! Sure, it would have been better if the sheriff had spelled out the word shit ("Eat s-h-i-t, Hal!" she would have said while turning and winking at the camera) but then maybe it would have been too obvious, right?!
* * * * * * * * * *
Maximum Overdrive, A Review
This movie is terrible. I suppose that's a criticism but maybe not the criticism you think it is because it isn't unwatchable. It's especially watchable when you know Stephen King directed it at his peak cocaine-fueled frenzy and that Stephen King is not a movie director and also that the cocaine probably had something to do with his belief that he was. The dialogue is shit. The acting is awful. The reason that everybody remembers the goblin face on the front of the toy truck semi is because it was the actor who could emote the best in the entire film. That might not be a fair statement because Yeardley Smith actually blows everybody else out of the acting waters. She somehow plays the new wife who totally loves her husband but realizes he's capable of doing really stupid shit and needs to be screamed at occasionally while also never holding it against him in the way bitter, resentful wives of idiotic sitcom husbands always seem to do. Like, why are they married to that idiot if they obviously hate him so much? But Yeardley Smith obviously loves her big stupid new husband who won't stop risking his life for the stupidest of reasons.
The best part of the movie which I didn't totally realize was the best part of the movie (but suspected it was) until I watched Trucks (we'll get to that soon enough!) several days later was that it didn't take itself seriously at all and knew it was a kind of campy movie that was going to act stupid and irreverent for about an hour and a half. Yes, I did laugh at the bank marquee simply displaying, "Fuck" and "You" over and over again. I liked when the ATM called Stephen King an asshole and then when he, dumbfounded, had to report back to his wife that the ATM called him an asshole. I probably laughed at a bunch of stuff that wasn't supposed to be as funny as it was (or funny at all?) like when the hitchhiking lady lead first meets Emilio Estevez and says, "Hey! You're kinda cute!" (Sorry. I don't remember her exact quote so my brain stole a quote from Schoolhouse Rock.) Estevez responds with some sort of laughing "Oh yeah?" response (I don't remember! I wasn't planning on reviewing this when I watched it!) and she replies, "Not that cute." It was stupid. And sort of cute. And absolutely fucking ridiculous because, like, trucks were killing people and shit. Maybe they didn't know that yet but I think at least that goblin truck was acting super suspicious!
I'm not a huge AC/DC fan because I feel like most of their songs just sound too similar. So it's fine to hear one AC/DC song (doesn't matter which one, really!) while listening to other songs because it's not too much AC/DC. It's just enough! The radio is all, "Here's some music by a bunch of rock stars which makes you think they all only had two or three songs because we refuse to play any deep cuts at all ever! And now here's one by AC/DC. Probably 'You Shook Me All Night Long' but does it matter?!" Anyway, I bring it up because having AC/DC due the entire soundtrack is another consequence of putting piles and piles of cocaine up your schnozz. My favorite AC/DC song is "Who Made Who" which was basically the theme song for this movie. It's also kind of the line yelled at the trucks at least five times by the waitress of the diner as she freaks out, constantly storming outside to yell, "We made you! WE MADE YOU!" So the question was sort of answered long before the song played at the end of the movie. Unless the song was supposed to bring into question the waitress's declaration!
True story: the hottest and loudest concert that I ever attended was AC/DC at the Cow Palace in San Francisco. I left that show dehydrated and deaf. It was fucking awesome!
One last AC/DC fact: at the beginning of the movie when the bridge decides to lift itself, a black VW Bus with AC/DC's logo on the side gets caught up in the chaos. It was so cool! I don't even like AC/DC that much but I wanted it so badly! Stupid Stephen King destroyed it though.
By the end of the movie, way more people than I've ever seen in a disaster movie like this survive. It's kind of uplifting! Most disaster or horror movies are all, "Here are the couple of people who you're supposed to care about. Nobody else matters but these few people who will survive." But this movie is all, "You know all those truckers whose trucks turned on them? Most of them are going to live! Can you believe it? There's like twenty people on that little sailboat at the end!" The final victim, a glorious death by the goblin truck, claims Tom Nuttal from Deadwood because he's too greedy. But then Billy the Kid blows the goblin truck up with a rocket grenade and then he probably fucks the hitchhiker. Again!
Yeah, I guess there's a romantic subplot in this thing where Emilio Estevez and Laura Harrington (the hitchhiker who thinks he's cute!) where they're constantly fucking each other in the back bedroom of the diner whenever there's any downtime? It's fucking weird. Especially when the kid who has survived on his wits by hiding from homicidal ice cream trucks and killer lawn mowers walks in on them because Emilio is needed for some reason. That reason is that he somehow becomes the leader. Maybe because he's an ex-con? At least it makes more sense than if, say, Timothy Busfield were the leader of the group! Can you imagine that? Actually, you don't have to because the movie Trucks exists!
This movie is terrible. I suppose that's a criticism but maybe not the criticism you think it is because it isn't unwatchable. It's especially watchable when you know Stephen King directed it at his peak cocaine-fueled frenzy and that Stephen King is not a movie director and also that the cocaine probably had something to do with his belief that he was. The dialogue is shit. The acting is awful. The reason that everybody remembers the goblin face on the front of the toy truck semi is because it was the actor who could emote the best in the entire film. That might not be a fair statement because Yeardley Smith actually blows everybody else out of the acting waters. She somehow plays the new wife who totally loves her husband but realizes he's capable of doing really stupid shit and needs to be screamed at occasionally while also never holding it against him in the way bitter, resentful wives of idiotic sitcom husbands always seem to do. Like, why are they married to that idiot if they obviously hate him so much? But Yeardley Smith obviously loves her big stupid new husband who won't stop risking his life for the stupidest of reasons.
The best part of the movie which I didn't totally realize was the best part of the movie (but suspected it was) until I watched Trucks (we'll get to that soon enough!) several days later was that it didn't take itself seriously at all and knew it was a kind of campy movie that was going to act stupid and irreverent for about an hour and a half. Yes, I did laugh at the bank marquee simply displaying, "Fuck" and "You" over and over again. I liked when the ATM called Stephen King an asshole and then when he, dumbfounded, had to report back to his wife that the ATM called him an asshole. I probably laughed at a bunch of stuff that wasn't supposed to be as funny as it was (or funny at all?) like when the hitchhiking lady lead first meets Emilio Estevez and says, "Hey! You're kinda cute!" (Sorry. I don't remember her exact quote so my brain stole a quote from Schoolhouse Rock.) Estevez responds with some sort of laughing "Oh yeah?" response (I don't remember! I wasn't planning on reviewing this when I watched it!) and she replies, "Not that cute." It was stupid. And sort of cute. And absolutely fucking ridiculous because, like, trucks were killing people and shit. Maybe they didn't know that yet but I think at least that goblin truck was acting super suspicious!
I'm not a huge AC/DC fan because I feel like most of their songs just sound too similar. So it's fine to hear one AC/DC song (doesn't matter which one, really!) while listening to other songs because it's not too much AC/DC. It's just enough! The radio is all, "Here's some music by a bunch of rock stars which makes you think they all only had two or three songs because we refuse to play any deep cuts at all ever! And now here's one by AC/DC. Probably 'You Shook Me All Night Long' but does it matter?!" Anyway, I bring it up because having AC/DC due the entire soundtrack is another consequence of putting piles and piles of cocaine up your schnozz. My favorite AC/DC song is "Who Made Who" which was basically the theme song for this movie. It's also kind of the line yelled at the trucks at least five times by the waitress of the diner as she freaks out, constantly storming outside to yell, "We made you! WE MADE YOU!" So the question was sort of answered long before the song played at the end of the movie. Unless the song was supposed to bring into question the waitress's declaration!
True story: the hottest and loudest concert that I ever attended was AC/DC at the Cow Palace in San Francisco. I left that show dehydrated and deaf. It was fucking awesome!
One last AC/DC fact: at the beginning of the movie when the bridge decides to lift itself, a black VW Bus with AC/DC's logo on the side gets caught up in the chaos. It was so cool! I don't even like AC/DC that much but I wanted it so badly! Stupid Stephen King destroyed it though.
By the end of the movie, way more people than I've ever seen in a disaster movie like this survive. It's kind of uplifting! Most disaster or horror movies are all, "Here are the couple of people who you're supposed to care about. Nobody else matters but these few people who will survive." But this movie is all, "You know all those truckers whose trucks turned on them? Most of them are going to live! Can you believe it? There's like twenty people on that little sailboat at the end!" The final victim, a glorious death by the goblin truck, claims Tom Nuttal from Deadwood because he's too greedy. But then Billy the Kid blows the goblin truck up with a rocket grenade and then he probably fucks the hitchhiker. Again!
Yeah, I guess there's a romantic subplot in this thing where Emilio Estevez and Laura Harrington (the hitchhiker who thinks he's cute!) where they're constantly fucking each other in the back bedroom of the diner whenever there's any downtime? It's fucking weird. Especially when the kid who has survived on his wits by hiding from homicidal ice cream trucks and killer lawn mowers walks in on them because Emilio is needed for some reason. That reason is that he somehow becomes the leader. Maybe because he's an ex-con? At least it makes more sense than if, say, Timothy Busfield were the leader of the group! Can you imagine that? Actually, you don't have to because the movie Trucks exists!
* * * * * * * * * *
Trucks (and One Helicopter), A Review
This movie is terribler than Maximum Overdrive. I know I should have written "more terrible" but that doesn't quite grasp how majestically terrible this movie is. The motto for this movie is probably the motto that the First Lady really wanted to use: "Be Terriblest".
Somewhere in Hollywood in the late mid-90s, some executive was asking the question, "What if we remade Maximum Overdrive but took it more seriously?" Too bad there wasn't an executive in the same place and time willing to kick that executive in the balls. I haven't looked into the reasons Trucks exists but it could be because Stephen King got involved and wanted to see his short story done right. Like how he couldn't abide Kubrick's The Shining existing without his own official version of it. What's especially weird about how serious this movie takes itself is that it may have made me laugh even more than Maximum Overdrive. Oh, it didn't want me laughing. But I was laughing. I was laughing at it and not with it. Because, deep down, I'm a bully and an asshole.
Timothy Busfield appears onscreen near the beginning and nobody who didn't see his name on the poster thinks, "Oh! There's our leading man! The guy who looks like he invented the idea of being a clown without make-up." At least when I saw Emilio Estevez, I knew with whom I was dealing! "That there's one of them good lookers! He's probably going to be the one to save the day by being all, 'I know how to sail a boat! We can go to an island to escape the trucks even though our movie is more about all technology turning on people and not just trucks!' Also he's going to bang the '80s hot lead actress!" Now that I'm thinking about Maximum Overdrive's weird romantic subplot again, it makes me think of Trucks weird romantic subplot which makes me realize the Maximum Overdrive romantic subplot wasn't weird at all! It was just the regular old male gaze '80s romantic subplot where if a woman entered the picture, she definitely wanted to fuck the male protagonist. Like, immediately. But in Trucks, the romantic subplot involves teenagers who constantly look at each other like they're about to learn the definition of "awkward finger blasting". Their relationship is so weird and strained but seemingly inevitable that it actually works for the big surprise ending when Logan hugs Abby in the helicopter and she's basically comatose. He's all, "Abby! It's me, Logan! I'm going to hug you like I haven't done all movie but we both knew we wanted t!" She just stares into the void of despair because she already knows the surprise ending. But while I was watching it, I just thought, "Typical Abby! Totally emotionally unavailable!" But then Timothy Busfield moves the curtain away from the helicopter cockpit (a thing that doesn't really exist? Right?) to reveal that Abby's father isn't piloting it at all! The helicopter which isn't a truck is sentient too! And it's got the four survivors you knew were supposed to survive in its belly! OH NO!
One of the bits I found pretty funny in this movie was how phones and televisions weren't working due to, I don't know, a chemical explosion or a comet or something, but whenever the people in the diner needed a little expository clear-headedness, the television would go from static to a live news report giving out needed details to understand what's going on. I guess the television only showing them what it wanted to show them was a hint that it wasn't just the trucks that had turned?
Trucks contains a number of scenes that are references to Maximum Overdrive. Obviously, they couldn't ignore that this film had already been made but for the big screen and with a better budget and, well, I guess I ran out of things that were better about the film. Some of the minor references I appreciated were when the guy was playing pinball but doesn't get killed by it because he kills it first by tilting it and when they show the cook using an electric knife that doesn't turn on him and cut his arm so that he goes crazy and begins screaming at every piece of electronics, "WE MADE YOU!"
I don't remember anything about the soundtrack of this movie so AC/DC wins that comparison.
The married couple in this movie aren't cute like Yeardley Smith and her man. They're fucking annoying and they fuck but we don't get to see any titties or dicks or asses because this was made for television, I guess? Even though it's rated R? They both die. Also the two truckers at the diner die. Plus the cook dies. Everybody dies except Timothy Busfield and his waitress, Hope (although by the end non-proper noun hope does die!), Logan (Busfield's son), and Abby the rebellious teenager. Oh, also the hippie dude dies saving Abby so part of her comatose persona at the end was formed when she got him killed because she answered a ringing phone that was just a trap set by the trucks. Was that part a joke? That the teenage girl couldn't resist answering a telephone?! I couldn't tell because I had no idea why she needed to answer the phone so badly.
Maybe it was supposed to be a joke because there's one scene that had to have been put in for laughs which is weird because the movie really tries to be taken seriously: the scene where the mailman is killed by a toy truck. It's basically a cartoon moment. If a guy can get his head exploded by a toy truck that wasn't even the solid metal Tonka kind of toy truck but an obviously lightweight piece of shit, he fucking deserved to die. Maybe that was a reference to Maximum Overdrive as well where so many people in that movie deserved to die because how do you get killed by a soda pop machine blasting sodas out of its fuck chute? Just step one foot to the side, jerkos! Also some lady we see hanging out a second story window was strangled by the cord of her hair dryer? So the machines don't just have control of their functions but any part of them? Or did the lady just go, "Oh no! My blow dryer has turned up from warm to hot and it's uncomfortable! I don't want to live!" and then she strangled herself?
The main thing this movie made me ask was: "How did Timothy Busfield become such a huge star in the '80s and '90s? Were all of us on cocaine? Like fluoride in the water?! Do I now believe in chemtrails?!" The non-main thing it made me ask was, "Why was this made?"
I just read the Trucks wiki to see if it would explain why the movie was made but it didn't. What it did do was make me realize I'm a fucking shit reviewer because this quote from Rob Dean of Daily Grindhouse was pretty good: "The constant attempt to ground the story in a "logical" explanation - mostly delivered by a TV set that shouldn't work but does, and only gets the exposition channel - undercuts the fact that this could just be a goofy thing with some menace that people would overanalyze on the Internet 20 years later." Also 30 years later, Dean!
This movie is terribler than Maximum Overdrive. I know I should have written "more terrible" but that doesn't quite grasp how majestically terrible this movie is. The motto for this movie is probably the motto that the First Lady really wanted to use: "Be Terriblest".
Somewhere in Hollywood in the late mid-90s, some executive was asking the question, "What if we remade Maximum Overdrive but took it more seriously?" Too bad there wasn't an executive in the same place and time willing to kick that executive in the balls. I haven't looked into the reasons Trucks exists but it could be because Stephen King got involved and wanted to see his short story done right. Like how he couldn't abide Kubrick's The Shining existing without his own official version of it. What's especially weird about how serious this movie takes itself is that it may have made me laugh even more than Maximum Overdrive. Oh, it didn't want me laughing. But I was laughing. I was laughing at it and not with it. Because, deep down, I'm a bully and an asshole.
Timothy Busfield appears onscreen near the beginning and nobody who didn't see his name on the poster thinks, "Oh! There's our leading man! The guy who looks like he invented the idea of being a clown without make-up." At least when I saw Emilio Estevez, I knew with whom I was dealing! "That there's one of them good lookers! He's probably going to be the one to save the day by being all, 'I know how to sail a boat! We can go to an island to escape the trucks even though our movie is more about all technology turning on people and not just trucks!' Also he's going to bang the '80s hot lead actress!" Now that I'm thinking about Maximum Overdrive's weird romantic subplot again, it makes me think of Trucks weird romantic subplot which makes me realize the Maximum Overdrive romantic subplot wasn't weird at all! It was just the regular old male gaze '80s romantic subplot where if a woman entered the picture, she definitely wanted to fuck the male protagonist. Like, immediately. But in Trucks, the romantic subplot involves teenagers who constantly look at each other like they're about to learn the definition of "awkward finger blasting". Their relationship is so weird and strained but seemingly inevitable that it actually works for the big surprise ending when Logan hugs Abby in the helicopter and she's basically comatose. He's all, "Abby! It's me, Logan! I'm going to hug you like I haven't done all movie but we both knew we wanted t!" She just stares into the void of despair because she already knows the surprise ending. But while I was watching it, I just thought, "Typical Abby! Totally emotionally unavailable!" But then Timothy Busfield moves the curtain away from the helicopter cockpit (a thing that doesn't really exist? Right?) to reveal that Abby's father isn't piloting it at all! The helicopter which isn't a truck is sentient too! And it's got the four survivors you knew were supposed to survive in its belly! OH NO!
One of the bits I found pretty funny in this movie was how phones and televisions weren't working due to, I don't know, a chemical explosion or a comet or something, but whenever the people in the diner needed a little expository clear-headedness, the television would go from static to a live news report giving out needed details to understand what's going on. I guess the television only showing them what it wanted to show them was a hint that it wasn't just the trucks that had turned?
Trucks contains a number of scenes that are references to Maximum Overdrive. Obviously, they couldn't ignore that this film had already been made but for the big screen and with a better budget and, well, I guess I ran out of things that were better about the film. Some of the minor references I appreciated were when the guy was playing pinball but doesn't get killed by it because he kills it first by tilting it and when they show the cook using an electric knife that doesn't turn on him and cut his arm so that he goes crazy and begins screaming at every piece of electronics, "WE MADE YOU!"
I don't remember anything about the soundtrack of this movie so AC/DC wins that comparison.
The married couple in this movie aren't cute like Yeardley Smith and her man. They're fucking annoying and they fuck but we don't get to see any titties or dicks or asses because this was made for television, I guess? Even though it's rated R? They both die. Also the two truckers at the diner die. Plus the cook dies. Everybody dies except Timothy Busfield and his waitress, Hope (although by the end non-proper noun hope does die!), Logan (Busfield's son), and Abby the rebellious teenager. Oh, also the hippie dude dies saving Abby so part of her comatose persona at the end was formed when she got him killed because she answered a ringing phone that was just a trap set by the trucks. Was that part a joke? That the teenage girl couldn't resist answering a telephone?! I couldn't tell because I had no idea why she needed to answer the phone so badly.
Maybe it was supposed to be a joke because there's one scene that had to have been put in for laughs which is weird because the movie really tries to be taken seriously: the scene where the mailman is killed by a toy truck. It's basically a cartoon moment. If a guy can get his head exploded by a toy truck that wasn't even the solid metal Tonka kind of toy truck but an obviously lightweight piece of shit, he fucking deserved to die. Maybe that was a reference to Maximum Overdrive as well where so many people in that movie deserved to die because how do you get killed by a soda pop machine blasting sodas out of its fuck chute? Just step one foot to the side, jerkos! Also some lady we see hanging out a second story window was strangled by the cord of her hair dryer? So the machines don't just have control of their functions but any part of them? Or did the lady just go, "Oh no! My blow dryer has turned up from warm to hot and it's uncomfortable! I don't want to live!" and then she strangled herself?
The main thing this movie made me ask was: "How did Timothy Busfield become such a huge star in the '80s and '90s? Were all of us on cocaine? Like fluoride in the water?! Do I now believe in chemtrails?!" The non-main thing it made me ask was, "Why was this made?"
I just read the Trucks wiki to see if it would explain why the movie was made but it didn't. What it did do was make me realize I'm a fucking shit reviewer because this quote from Rob Dean of Daily Grindhouse was pretty good: "The constant attempt to ground the story in a "logical" explanation - mostly delivered by a TV set that shouldn't work but does, and only gets the exposition channel - undercuts the fact that this could just be a goofy thing with some menace that people would overanalyze on the Internet 20 years later." Also 30 years later, Dean!
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