Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The Omega Men #1

This comic book looks interesting, so it's already better than a large percentage of comic books on the shelf. Although it doesn't look quite as interesting as the Alice In Wonderland comic book with the upskirt shots of the huge breasted Alice.

The Divergence Eight Page Sneak Peek of this comic book seems like it was pretty important to the overall comic book. But I'm going to ignore it for now and just dive in like everybody who bought this comic book because the cover was so cool but hadn't read the terrific eight page Sneak Peek in the pages of Convergence: Batman and Robin #2.

I never read The Omega Men back in the eighties when nobody I knew was reading The Omega Men. I had an aversion to comic books that didn't have any characters that I already recognized from somewhere else. It didn't take long before I stopped feeling that way but back when I first began reading comic books, strange characters on the cover and the issue number being too high were dealbreakers. Now I'm older and my passions and opinions have been worn away by time, experience, heartbreak, and too many Oreo cookies. I'll pick up and read anything as long as it gives me a few moments free from excruciating and unbearable contemplations of my own mortality.

The first thing I notice is that Tom King and Barnaby Bagenda continue the same cinematic style they used in the Sneak Peek (I know! I know! I'm not ignoring it at all!). The sense of movement and time across panels could teach Tony S. Daniel a thing or two or five billion about pacing. The general layout of each page is the old Giffen Brady Bunch layout of nine panels which makes for a lot of room to establish a sense of time and rhythm to the story. I'm sure most artists prefer less panels so they can just get to drawing big, sweeping movements. I can see how this style, and slow pacing across many panels, might bore an artist since they have to draw many similar panels across every page. I rarely mention the art in these commentaries but I just want to acknowledge Bagenda's time and effort here. It's very much appreciated. I'm only three pages in (plus the Sneak Peek!) and it's one of the most cinematic experiences of any comic since The New 52 began. I wish more comic books took advantage of the many paneled page instead of just throwing three page width panels full of disparate actions which the reader has to stitch together in their mind (if they're even able! Remember the initial issues of The New 52 Hawkman?! Those fight scenes were impossible to understand).

The comic begins with The Citadel searching for The Omega Men. They're the bad guy dissident rebel scum! I think I'm supposed to support them but that feels icky and gross because they're vile insurgent terrorists trying to destabilize the status quo! I'm choosing to root for The Citadel because I'm a patriot and a supporter of inculcated regimes that base their system of governance on outdated modes of thought, a pretend concern for the masses, and policy that allows them line their pockets with scads of cash!

The Citadel's troops have landed on Ogyptu, the world of pleasure and contemplation, and have raided a building of worship. They seem to have a lead on The Omega Men's secret headquarters where they filmed the execution of Kyle Rayner (in the Sneak Peek!). The search leads them to a trap door hidden under a carpet in the back room. Now The Omega Men will pay for their crimes! Ha ha!

I've changed my mind! The Omega Men are cooler than the pink faced guy! Go murdering terrorist rebel scum! Defeat America! I mean The Citadel!

Tigorr crawls out of the hole in the floor all bloody and badass which is when the person in the robes pulls some staple guns and blows a hole in the head of Mr. Pink. I flipped back to the first page at this moment and realized what was going on in the first set of panels. Mr. Pink is going through a bunch of flash cards practicing his English (or Interlac or Intergalactic Cosmic Standard or whatever) so he can say things like "Where are the Omega Men?" and "We are friends" and "We will not hurt you." You know, things he wouldn't normally know how to say because he's part of the police force for The Citadel.

In the ensuing, inevitable slaughter, Nick Lachey tells me all about the difference between the two Twix bars. I mean, the reader is introduced to The Omega Men. There is Primus who is probably the leader because he has a beard. But he's a reluctant leader in that he isn't happy about the slaughter; he just knows it's necessary to battling The Citadel. Doc is the robot that can tell whether or not a creature with an exploded head is dead. Tigorr is the big cat that tears people apart. Broot is the big blocky guy who smashes things. I mean, um, maybe not smashes because that could get into a weird copyright or trademark issue with that other company. Maybe he deconstructs people and things in a thoughtfully violent manner. Scraps is the tiny female with the anime hair and the lip piercing who is probably scrappy. And that's it for now. There are probably more because I bet they have an entire squadron of freedom fighters who aren't terrorists at all.

If Primus is nonviolent and this is the first time he's killed (or participated in this kind of killing), then that means Kyle Rayner is definitely still alive somewhere.

Coming to the conclusion that Kyle Rayner isn't dead isn't really going out on a limb. But realizing he's alive through the context and characterizations provided by the writer and artist is more satisfying than just being a comic book nerd and going, "PSHAW! *sputter* Of course Kyle Rayner is alive! Comic book characters don't die! Duh! I could have told you that when I was two!" Ugh. Fuck you, comic book nerds!

The Omega Men realize they need to get the heck out of Alien Dodge before The Citadel send an army after them. They escape through some tunnels with a footlocker that keeps thumping because there is probably somebody secret inside of it! I hope it's a naked lady and not a White Lantern!

Um, forget armies. The Viceroy of The Citadel simply bombs the hell out of the building in which The Omega Men had been hiding. Good thing they had tunnels through which to escape!

As The Omega Men escape through the tunnels, they check on "the bomb" which is the thing in the footlocker. And it isn't a naked lady. It's that stupid Kyler Rayner. Lame! Now I have to ask Lord Google for some naked ladies!

The Omega Men Rating: Ten Non Terrorist Freedom Fighters in the Right and Not Evil At All out of Ten! It's a perfect book! Except for its lack of naked ladies! Although some people might find that a plus! Like maybe heterosexual ladies! Seriously though. Everybody should pick up this book because it is good and will be getting gooder. Perhaps it might even get gooderest!

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