Convergence: Booster Gold #2

Booster Gold is two feet taller than Superman due to being from the 25th Century and the expansion of the universe. I don't know why the 30th Century guys are so small. Maybe the universe started to collapse by then?

This issue begins with Booster Gold's reaction to Blue Beetle's appearance at the end of last issue. He says, "The Blue Beetle...alive? But that's...impossible!" That seems like a silly statement for a time traveler that discovered the multiverse to make. Why would he be surprised by anything? Just like last issue where Rip Hunter was surprised that a universe existed where Wonder Woman was fucking Superman. Why would he be surprised?! This leads me to believe that DC Comics demanded two things never happen prior to The New 52: Blue Beetle must remain dead forever in all incarnations, and Superman and Wonder Woman could never do the adult pee-pee dance. But I think it was okay, and necessary for all existence, that Blue Beetle and Booster Gold do the adult pee-pee dance.

Booster Gold collapses from Chronal Indigestion so Blue Beetle tenderly gathers him up in his arms and takes him aboard the Bug. I sense a sexy Florence Nightingale scenario coming up.

Meanwhile in the part of the story that isn't interesting because it doesn't involve the original Super Buddies, Booster and Rip tell Goldstar to shut up.

Not cool, guys. She's only pointing out that the reason y'all are there in the first place has left and now y'all can leave too and don't have to get your asses kicked by Superboy.

None of this comic book really matters except the part where Booster Gold gets to hang out with his best friend again after so many years. So I'm just going to skip this other stuff that's just going to lead to them finding that ridiculous Waverider and eventually finding their way to Convergence #8 where they'll do next to nothing to help advance the plot along because, in the end, Booster Gold doesn't matter as much as he thinks he does.

Back at the lab, Blue Beetle runs some tests on Booster Gold which fail to explain anything. But Booster Gold explains how Chronal Indigestion is killing him because his body keeps trying to digest food he eats in one time which disappears when he time travels so his body has begun to consume itself. He's also constantly leaking watery shit from his rectum. I think it was that last revelation that convinced Blue Beetle that he should keep his mask on the entire time he's hanging out with his best friend of all times.

Booster Gold collapses right about the same time that Booster Gold, Goldstar, and Rip Hunter break into the lab. The plan is to take Booster Gold to Vanishing Point where he'll be able to find all of the food he lost during his travel and incorporate it into his system which should negate the Chronal Indigestion.

While they're discussing how to save Booster Gold by throwing him into a vault in Vanishing Point in which nobody can survive, Skeets drops a huge secret!

Holy shit! Booster Gold is Skeets' father!

But that's not the biggest bombshell of the issue!

Holier shits! Booster Gold is his own father!

Well, it's obvious what huge reveal this whole Convergence thing has been leading up to now! Booster Gold is everybody's father! I fucking knew it!

Booster Gold is transformed into Waverider which means I'm going to have to go back and read Zero Hour (or whatever fucking Cosmic Crisis mini-series he appeared in! Who can remember them all?!) and see if it makes sense with this new revelation! I'm willing to bet it was totally planned! Plus as Waverider, it is actually feasible that Booster Gold is everybody's father! He's got a ton of impregnating to do!

Convergence: Booster Gold #2 Rating: 6 Retcons out of 10. This whole giving bullshit numbers to my enjoyment of the comic book doesn't really work because I don't experience joy. The only time the comic books really entertain me is when I can make fun of them! I'm less a fan and critic of comic books and more a fan of myself. So my rating actually reflects how much effort I put into commenting on this comic book. Six out of ten seems about right. Convergence has really knocked the wind out of me! I think I need to take a break from comic books and work on some other projects for awhile. I wonder if DC will put their entire line on hiatus so that I won't fall months behind on my reading!

Divergence: Earth 2 Society
"The survivors of Earth-2's war with Apokolips find themselves in a comic book with a stupid fucking name."

Society? Why the fuck is this book called Society? It sounds like a shitty social media app for boring, needy assholes that aren't spiritual so they don't have church and they aren't drunks so they don't have AA and they aren't in school so they don't have classmates and they're unlikable so they don't have family. Does this sound like you? Join "Society" where you'll get a daily dose of affirmation from a bunch of people you probably couldn't stand to look at or listen to in person!

The story begins a year after Planet Brainiac was transformed into New Earth 2. New Gotham has risen up around the crashed remains of the TSS Endurance so it's basically Macross. And Metropolis is now called Neotropolis. I bet that's so the Silver Banshee can take over later and redub it Necrotropolis.

Helena Wayne has become the enemy of Green Lantern because she has a machine that can terraform New Earth 2 into Old Earth 2. I guess that would take away Alan Scott's feeling of self-worth and accomplishment even if the whole idea of the Genesis Machine was to save Earth 2. I think Alan Scott is the bad guy here. He's definitely acting pretty selfish. I guess Power Girl agrees with Green Lantern because God forbid any friendships exist in the New DCyou. At least DC dropped The New 52 label so all the butthurt fans can come slinking back pretending to still have their dignity for having successfully boycotted the Evil Version of DC Comics. And by "successfully boycotted," I mean made a big stink about how horrible The New 52 was while still only reading and judging the company by their solicits and ranting about the racist and misogynistic practices of DC Comics from the various pieces of misinformation they picked up on Tumblr.

New Earth-2 orbits a binary star system composed of a yellow sun and a red sun. That means that Power Girl is fucked. I guess.

Red Suns warp her body and deflate her breasts. They must be flat or the "S" symbol would be warped by the contours of her breasts.

The Sneak Peek ends with Helena Wayne summoning Jimmy Olsen in his new role as Doctor Impossible. He's going to defeat Green Lantern to give Helena enough time to push one single button to start the terraformation. I guess the button is really sticky.