Friday, June 26, 2015

Action Comics #41

Since the Sneak Peek "Truth" comics just portrayed the aftermath of Lois Lane's inability to keep her big mouth shut, hopefully this issue will tell how she completely fucked Clark Kent. Not in the way the fans wanted.

This issue begins with Superman shirtless and freezing and maybe bleeding while wandering the wilderness. He finds a road which leads to a town which takes him to an Editor's Note that says "See Superman #41 for details." That means I'm going to put this comic book back in the stack and wait for Superman #41 to come out. I'll see you in the next paragraph! For you it'll be immediate! For me, it's going to take some time. Later!

Okay! I'm back and it really didn't matter because what the Editorial Note really meant to say was "See Superman #41-44 for more details." Because the whole story about how Lois finds out plays out during a four part story. I guess Superman fans will just have to accept that Lois blabbed for some reason and now Superman has found himself freezing to death in Alaska.

After the Editor's Note, Clark buys a shirt, eats a burrito, and buys a motorcycle. He says "Ha" a lot. Maybe he's in the same Endgame hallucination as Batman! He's all tanked up on Wacky Joker Juice and this is all a huge dream!

Some kid recognizes Clark as Superman which causes everybody in town to flip the fuck out and begin trying to kick his ass. Because he's, you know, an alien who was hiding amongst them. God forbid Kal-el ever meet any humans that aren't complete xenophobes. Superman just ate a burrito though so he's got enough calories to punch the fuck out of all of the Alaska hillbillies. He then hops on his motorcycle and heads out to find himself.

Kal heads back to Metropolis because...I don't know. He seems to have left in the first place because J. Jonah White fired him and then the banks cancelled his credit cards (because why?!) and then he was sued for "Superman-related damages." It turns out 99% of the people of Metropolis are really assholes that weren't worth saving. And now Superman has come back because...oh, I went through this in the beginning, didn't I? I don't know why he's going back. To tell everybody he's sorry for lying to them and hope they all forgive him? To say how disappointed he is that everybody just turned out to be less smart Lex Luthors?

Okay, maybe the percentage of people who are Pro-Superman is a smidgen greater than one percent.

Between Aaron Kuder and John Romita Jr, I have no idea what Superman is supposed to look like anymore.

At the Superman is Cool Block Party, Clark meets a firewoman named Lee Lambert. Those double "L"s mean she's going to be an important person in Superman's life! I bet he bangs her! Or she bangs him! Whichever! I'm cool!

Lee Lambert isn't as cool with Superman as the other people seem to be. She, and others in the neighborhood, are afraid of what monsters will descend on the neighborhood that housed Superman. Well good. She should be. People who live with fear and decide to blame other people for that fear deserve to be scared and worried on a constant basis. I don't have any sympathy for the cowards.

Superman rushes off to battle some shadow monster that seems to be something like the shadow monsters seen in Superman #42. Remember that comic book? Yeah, I don't either because my time machine is in the shop.

While Superman battles the Shadow Monster down at the docks, Dawn Command, a fascist group of police, march on Clark's old neighborhood so they can burn it to the ground. Enh. I don't fucking care.

Action Comics #41 Rating: -4 Ranking. Stupid, mean people acting stupid and mean. Those are the people that populate Superman's world. It's stupid as fuck and I've long grown bored of "Superman is the enemy" stories. I have a feeling I'm going to be reading a lot of those lately. Hey DC Comics? Can't you just fucking let Superman be the hero Superman is meant to be?! Assholes.

No comments:

Post a Comment