The Savage Hawkman #12

Pike is so tiny compared to Hawkman. With stubby little arms!

The sad news has broken: Rob Liefeld has quit DC Comics. His reasons were that he was sick and tired of fighting with editorial about every little decision. And since I'm reading The New 52 and some of the worst moments have been caused by editorial, I believe him. Also, I've always hated being micromanaged at any job I've ever done. I understand DC wants to keep continuity but it doesn't sound like they're going about it the right way. And their world building bullshit which forces the writer's to use other characters from other titles every few issues must be a complete pain in the writers' collective asses. Being used to doing freelance work, I don't blame Liefeld for leaving.

On the other eight hands, if I had to edit Liefeld's stories, my fucking head would explode. If what I've been reading is Liefeld having won 80% of his battles against the editors, I can't imagine what kind of a train wreck it would be if he'd had complete control! In my mind, the editors weren't fighting hard enough to make the comics as good as they could be. And look at it this way, Liefeld: you got to kill Lobo! Oh, sure, they probably let you because Lobo's regenerative powers can handle pretty much anything. But still! You really got to kill Lobo! Sort of. I mean, really, an explosion? That was all it took to kill him? But still. You had the opportunity to have Deathstroke kill Lobo and really make it cool and interesting and have a big knock down drag out fight with two of the meanest, baddest assed DC characters and you have Deathstroke run away and then come back to have Lobo die in an explosion.

Hmm. You know what? Have fun doing whatever you're going to do! Best wishes but I won't be reading any other shit you produce. Ever! Good riddance! I mean, Good luck! Oh, wait. I still have to read this comic book and then all three Issue Zeroes you worked on. I'm celebrating too soon!

Back to Hawkman, I wonder what Liefeld and Poulton will teach me in the Narration Boxes on the first page of this issue of Hawkman! Elementary school oral report time!

Oh goody! We're learning about Mercenaries today! Be sure to note your sources, Liefeld! Source for this Narration Box: www.merriam-webster.com!

Interesting. Could you expound on this point a bit?

You know, I've never thought of it in quite that way!

Source: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, 1988.

Sure, sure. If you ignore the fact that the other side used them too and failed in their endeavor.

Thanks for that oral report, Robby. C minus!

 

During all of that, the first page panels are just replaying Pike shooting Hawkman. And then there's a little scene in which Rob must have won one of his 80% battles. Because at the end of last issue, Emma was cradling Hawkman on the roof after he'd been shot. Pike descended beside them to say some shit and end with, "I'm Pike and it's my absolute pleasure to kill you, Hawkman." To which Carter replies, "You've taken your best shot, 'Pike.' Now allow me to return the favor."

But this issue begins with Hawkman being shot and falling off of the roof before any conversation happens at all. And then Pike dives on Hawkman as Hawkman falls (because Pike falls at a faster rate than Hawkman? Oh! His wings probably cause his descent to slow and Pike must have been shooting his rifle at near point blank range) and begins to have a conversation with him that completely ignores last issue's conversation.

Oh, okay! Now he wants Hawkman alive!

Rob, I have absolutely no sympathy for the fact that you were constantly battling the editors. Fuck continuity and the weird shit they may not want you to do with their characters. But it's their job to make sure that when these comics are published in a trade paperback, the story flows from one issue to the next. Can you imagine reading this mess in the trade paperback? "Oh, hey, this scene was just repeated twice in two very different ways. That's a bit odd! I wonder what happ...oh. Rob Liefeld was plotting this fucker." One of Rob's tweets mentioned how editors work for the freelancers and they should be fired occasionally so that they know who is in charge. And I'm not big fan of editorial controlling what a writer's doing. But this is the kind of shit that happens when an artist that thinks he's a writer ignores editorial. Or maybe editorial didn't like the way you ended last issue and they wanted you to change the whole scene in this issue and ignore what happened before. If that was the case (it's not. No way in hell that's the case), then by all means your point about interference is well-founded! You stick it to the man!

And then I found something more interesting to read on the internet than this fecal matter disguised as a comic book: Rob Liefeld versus Scott Snyder on Twitter!

Rob Liefeld: It’s not you. It never has been. It’s Batman.
Scott Snyder:I can assure you batman doesn’t sell the way it does because it’s Batman. It sells that way because of me and Greg (Capullo).
Rob Liefeld: Get over yourself you pretentious prick @Ssnyder1835
Rob Liefeld: Been berated in DM’s by @Ssnyder1835 this morning. Excuse me if I don’t marvel at your amazing abilities to write Batman. Piss off.
Rob Liefeld: I’d like to think that if your going to wave your ego around on Batman you’d remember all that came before you. Holeee crap
Rob Liefeld: Average Batman book sells 80k. ‘Nuff said.
Scott Snyder: Nice! Your Twitter feeds the best thing you’ve written all year :-)
Rob Liefeld: Of course, because its not edited
Scott Snyder: Aw, I’ll give you credit Rob! :) Batman might sell inspite of me and @GregCapullo as u say, but deathstroke & Hawkman failed because of you!
Scott Snyder: Credit where it’s due, brother :-) and that’s all I’ll say on that. Ah, comics.
Rob Liefeld: my sales went up on those books @Ssnyder1835 sorry bud.
Scott Snyder: Lol. And you can put that in your pouch and keep it for later :-)
Rob Liefeld: one word, HAUNT. 2 words SWAMP THING – not all creations equal
Rob Liefeld: Batman is the number one selling character in the history of the biz. Period. End of story. Will endure beyond creator careers

Rob has a point about Batman titles selling since Dark Knight and Detective suck but they seem to be surviving just fine. But it sidesteps the real issue. The current run of Batman with Capullo and Snyder at the helm is a fucking fantastic book. It hasn't been number one on my ranking list since Issue #1 because I'm a Batman fanboy. The book is number one because it's being written so well.

Also, Snyder saying that Deathstroke and Hawkman failed because of Rob is harsh. Before Rob was even given Hawkman (by Tony Daniel) and Grifter (by Nathan Edmondson), they were either at the bottom of my rankings or very near. They were given to Rob because they sucked and DC wanted something to change. Now when Rob says the numbers jumped because of him, I have to agree. But not because he's doing better work than the previous writers. Oh fucking lord he's not. But because Liefeld has fans that like his shit. And comic book readers follow the writers and artists they like from book to book. So of course there was an initial jump and probably a round of Liefeld fans proclaiming the books are suddenly awesome. But they aren't. They are poorly written.

And in reference to that part where I say I'm not a Batman fanboy and somebody wants to go back through the shit I've written to find all of the times I proclaim "Batman could do that!" or "Batman could kick his ass!" or whatnot, that's fucking hyperbole. I say those things because of Rob's point about Batman. DC loves that fucker. He can do no wrong! If I were reading Marvel in the same way, I'd just replace "Batman" with "Wolverine." Same deal. I should probably get back to reading Hawkman now!

On the very next page, Hawkman is all better. He takes to the air in an effort to gain the advantage. But Pike is able to swing from wires and dance on rooftops and keep up with Hawkman who apparently doesn't want to fly too high. Oh yeah, Pike also shows more of his love for television as he calls Hawkman "Harvey Birdman" and "Tweety Bird." The wit on this guy is fucking huge. Women's jaws drop when they see this sucker.

Pike eventually climbs up to a rooftop where he's parked Lobo's space hog. He takes off on it and Hawkman pursues him. If I were Hawkman, I'd just let him go. Although I imagine Pike intends to turn around and fight him at some point. He seems to want Hawkman to fight with him at any rate.

Yes! Please stop with the internal monologue! Although I don't know how Pike can read it. Is Pike related to Deadpool?

Pike shoots a steel cable which wraps around Hawkman and constricts him.

It really is beginning to sound like a young romance novel!

And I add this caption just for grammar posterity.

I'm still thinking about Pike's pop culture references. I know I make a lot of old references but I'm not trying to sell a product to the young'ns! Love Boat. Gilligan's Island. Tweety Bird. I guess Harvey Birdman is the newest one he's thrown out their so far and that's still about five years old.

Eventually Hawkman and Emma catch Pike and his smart-ass space hog (yes, it speaks and it's female). Using a GPS device Hawkman took off of the motorcycle, they find Pike's hidden spaceship floating over Tuscany. The subsequent conversation plays out like a discussion from one of Soy Rakelson's Warhammer games that he would take us through in high school.

And this is probably the best dialogue in the book so far!

After claiming that Hawkman can't touch him if he doesn't spill the beans, Pike spills the beans. The Kherubim pulled the Daemonites out of the Bleed (or something. I think this has been gone over in Stormwatch or Grifter or Voodoo or Superman) to work for them. But the Daemonites rebelled and destroyed the Kherubim. Then the Daemonites traveled to Thanagar to destroy it. Thanagar doesn't want to be destroyed though! So they have sent people in search of Hawkman and his Nth metal because they think he can save the day. I guess while Grifter is the Chosen One for Earth, Hawkman is the Chosen One for Thanagar.

Only one slight problem with Pike's explanation.

The Daemonites are not led by Helspont. He was a prisoner in Stormwatch's The Eye of the Storm until he escaped and ended up in Superman. In Superman, he told Supes how the other Daemonites became envious and fearful of Helspont, so they rose up against him and imprisoned him. Now Helspont is working with Grifter (sort of) and Voodoo (kind of) to take over Earth himself and wipe out the other Daemonites. So unless this story Pike is telling is ancient (and his verb tenses make it seem current), it's a bunch of continuity fucking hooey!

After story time, Pike sets off some kind of magic gas from The Bleed which incapacitates Emma and Carter. Pike then drags them outside to await the person (or bird maiden!) who hired Pike. The ship descends and out steps Hawkwoman! Maybe. I don't know since I haven't turned the page yet! But, come on! Pike basically just revealed that. And he said his boss was a woman.

Hawkwoman seems to have a terrific set of *error* *error* Memory overflow!

As soon as Hawkwoman speaks, Carter Hall remembers everything. He remembers being in love with her. He remembers being Katar Hol. He remembers that she vowed to kill him when last they saw each other. I wonder if he remembers why he was out in the woods trying to burn the Nth Metal when we first met him way back in Issue #1. Because I'd like to know all about that! Maybe it'll be explained in Issue #0. But I doubt it since that was part of Tony Daniel's story arc and not Rob Liefeld's.

The Savage Hawkman #12 Rating: It's at the fucking bottom of the heap! How much further can I drop this turd?