Thursday, August 16, 2012

Resurrection Man #12

Look, it's the last issue. Shocking truth is fine. But changes everything? Who cares since all that changed shit will just sit there wishing Issue #13 would come along so its story could be told.

Mitch Shelley has finally been captured by Hooker and the Body Doubles. I hope this issue simply takes place in a nice lounge where Hooker and Mitch enjoy some Earl Grey while Hooker explains everything. And then once Mitch finds out what it has all meant, the Angel and the Devil will appear and call odds/evens to win Mitch's super expensive soul.

Since this issue begins with Mitch Shelley suddenly resurrected in mid-air in Gotham City, maybe this issue will also explains why he sometimes resurrects in Gotham City when that makes no sense at all!

Mitch is shot and killed by the Gotham City Police Department who issue their first warning the only way they know how.

Yes, shooting a suspect in the chest is their first and final warning.

After Mithc is killed and falls to the ground, he's attacked by Batman. That seems like a chump move, Bats. I'm beginning to suspect that Mitch isn't really in Gotham. I think he's inside some kind of testing chamber in his old Lab and Hooker is fucking with the dials.

Oh look. I'm right again. Even I'm getting bored with myself.

Simply because Batman attacked Mitch after Mitch fell to his death, I knew something was up and called it. But then I turned the page and Batman was happy he brought back-up, The Justice League. And Aquaman killed Mitch with the trident. And Batman didn't pitch a fit. So then I knew they were in some kind of simulation. But the way the comic ended last issue, a simulation seemed the most obvious guess. The real question is: Has this simulation been going on during the entire comic book run? Because that would "change everything."

The Transhuman is watching the Virtual Reality simulations on a monitor. It looks like pretty good television! But the Transhuman has a minor problem with it, even though he is a super villain.

I guess Mitch Shelley is the holy grail because he gets super powers. I think the Body Doubles would really be what Hooker was looking for. While Mitch gets super powers, he can still die, and that's a disadvantage. But the Body Doubles can't even die because their regeneration kicks in so quickly.

Hooker's plan is to kill Mitch over and over again in the simulator and then test all of his powers. They can judge the readouts and analyze the "tektites" so that maybe they can replicate each of Shelley's powers on other soldiers. But this entire process will eventually kill him. And, naturally, Hooker tells all of this to the Transhuman. I guess since the Transhuman just seems like an 18 year old old man, it seems safe enough.

But it's not safe! The bad guy should always realize it's never safe to explain yourself! Although, Hooker might not think of himself as the bad guy. And he might think his plan of destroying Shelley for knowledge sounds reasonable to other people.

The Transhuman enters the virtual reality simulator via his super duper technological mumbo jumbo and pulls Mitch out. Rebecki has the lab rats covered with a blaster. But Hooker, knowing he can't die (although he can't heal either! So maybe he should actually be careful?), charges Rebecki. He takes a few laser blasts to the chest.

Those holes are going to look nice. I think I'd stick fish bowls in them.

Mitch knows the bullets won't kill Hooker but Mitch can. He uses his lava man powers to destroy most of Hooker's body. Hooker is thankful to finally be able to die. I don't know what that's about! If I ever think dying is better than living, even on my death bed, somebody please slap me. Notice I didn't say "kill me" for stupid comic effect because someone would take that seriously. Just slap me. And be gentle about it. Maybe use your boobies.

Now Kim, Mitch, and Darryl the Transhuman just need to escape the lab.

NOOOOOOOOOO! First Korean Friend in G.I. Combat and now Transhuman! Two of my favorite characters in DC! I hope that doesn't mean Batgirl's roommate, Alysia, is going to die next! I couldn't stand it.

The person who just murdered Transhuman is in a gigantic suit of armor created by the Transhuman himself. And he has the Body Doubles for backup. And since Hooker is dead and this guy is bitching about having to come down to take care of everything himself and this is a comic book and there is only one big twist like this that comic book writers can pull out of their hats, it means the guy in the armor is Mitch Shelley.

Ta da! I'll be here all month!

Resurrection Man #12 Rating: No change. I almost gave this comic a +1 Ranking and then I remembered that until Andy and Dan explained why Mitch appeared in a Gotham ambulance headed toward Arkham after he resurrected after being cremated in Portland, I promised to reduce the ranking I gave this comic by one. So, they failed again. The Virtual Reality thing almost solved it. Or maybe it did solve it! I still don't know that any of this is real yet!

Oh yeah. The comic will be resolved in Issue #0.

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