Supergirl #12

I LOL'd when I read this cover.

This is the second (and possibly the third) cover of The New 52 that is edging into Hentai Territory. But Supergirl doesn't need to worry about tentacles with teeth trying to rape her because she, like Dove, has the ability to shoot blasts of energy out of her vagina. FWAAAASH! Dead sex tentacles.
I don't mean to make light of sex tentacles! I wouldn't want to be attacked by them. Although when I was in Tokyo, I encountered far less rape tentacles than I expected. And a lot more Pachinko then I imagined!

Last issue, Supergirl fled the only two friends she's made in the entire time she's been on Earth. I guess her next step is to investigate mysteries at the bottom of the ocean. That seems like an odd turn of events. I bet some other things happen in-between Point A and Point B! If you're not good at Geometry, Point A is Siobhan's apartment and Point B is the bottom of the sea!

Point A.5 turns out to be Superman's Fortress of Solitude which is probably in the Arctic unless you're Lobdell, DeCampo, or Nicieza and then it might be both in the Arctic and the Antarctic at the same time. It's like that piano playing kid from the Peanut's comic's cat. Supergirl is visiting to try to find out some answers as to why everybody wants to kill her.

Superman will probably have some helpful suggestions since he's seen what a horrible first impression she makes with everyone she meets. Hopefully he'll be able to give her a few pointers on social etiquette. Point One: Do not hit people until they give you a pretty good reason to. Point Two: Learn to control your powers so that you can stop exploding your vagina in public. Point Three: Maybe take an English course. Or Spanish. Or if you want to live in Europe, go for French or German. But learn some language that evolved on Earth already.

She didn't punch him simply because she was scared. It was the combination of that and him telling her he was her cousin.

Superman lets Kara know that he's been investigating where her pod came from and why she arrived on Earth so much later than he did. He was able to use the computer on his Brainiac satellite but since it had only been in the solar system for five years, it could only show where the pod was at that time.

That's not what he was saying at all! That's your interpretation of what he said.

When her pod crashed to Earth, one piece broke off and was large enough to not completely burn up upon reentry. It landed somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. Hey! That's Point B! Now we're getting somewhere! Superman wants to help her retrieve it but Kara doesn't quite trust him yet. And since the comic has been chugging along quietly with some nice conversation and down time for about four pages, the writer felt the audience was probably falling asleep. So it's time for Supergirl to get violent and irrational again!

"Goddamn men and their exploding penises! Stop trying to control everything! How dare you fucking men make laws that try to keep people safe when you can't even make people! HA! Now get your hands off my vagina before I blow your face off with it!"

"Fucking man! How dare you act all rational while you're trying to help me? Haven't you forgotten I'm scared and I haven't slept in months and the one time I ate anything I almost killed everyone in the Pizzeria and I just recently found out my home planet was destroyed and everyone is trying to kill me and I don't have any decent clothes and, on top of all that, I've got these Goddamn super-ovaries to deal with! Just leave me the fuck alone for awhile and stop trying to be so nice to me!"

Supergirl really does look tired in these pages. I like that look because it fits but I think it's more the artist's style than the context. I think that because Superman also kind of looks like a zombie, pale and green. I should also point out that after Superman says, "Go. Now.", there's one more panel as Supergirl flies away where he says, "And prove me wrong." I just wanted to edit it to look like he was completely fed up with her! Ha ha! Media manipulation for the win!

Supergirl heads for the Atlantic while thinking that she should go back and apologize to Superman. But she desperately needs to learn more about herself and she suddenly hears a mechanical voice calling her name from beneath the ocean. Just like when Superman first heard his ship talk to him! Kara has a Brainaic A.I. as well! She dives into the ocean to solve the mystery but also to find death, according to the cover.

And she finds the death! She's attacked by the toothy tentacled alien jelly creatures! She puts up a pretty good struggle but one eventually surprises her and she gulps down some water. I guess it's time to learn if Supergirl can drown. (My guess is she can't!)

Whoops!

Supergirl wakes up on the bottom of her ocean after having suffered a panic attack, I suppose. Because she discovers she doesn't even have to breathe. So Supergirl doesn't have to eat, sleep, or breathe. Superman still does, right? It's possible that her many years spent circling the sun have caused her to be far more powerful than Superman. That could really be interesting if it's maintained.

At the bottom of the ocean, Kara finds her own Fortress of Solitude!

It better not be a dream since this has been the best issue of Supergirl since the comic began!

Once she begins exploring the inside of her Fortress, the mechanical Kryptonian voice shuts off and another voice begins speaking to her. She eventually discovers the source.

"Before the punching starts...." They've obviously met before!

Oh the mystery! Who could this Kryptonian speaking butler be?!

Yay! It's Simon Tycho in his new jelly man body! And he's brought Kryptonian dildos!

Supergirl #12 Rating: +3 Ranking. Finally! This is what this comic should have been doing months ago. It's slowed down and begun to tell a story. I hope Supergirl continues to remain calm and actually begin talking things through!