Friday, August 17, 2012

Frankenstein Agent of SHADE #12

Comparison Test Time! If your mind instantly translated "ring" as "anus" and then interpreted the cover as such, you might be me!

So Belroy tells him to the tune of The Decemberists song, "The Mariner's Revenge." Fuck me, I know. What was I thinking?

Frankenstein had found himself,
With hardly any help
In the belly of a whale.
To find the hidden mole
Was his entire goal
And he was hot upon its trail.

Frank learned a little thing
About the Satan's ring
In Leviathan's graveyard.
Frank set to kill the beast
And set the agents free
A task that wasn't very hard.

Frank's past life memories plagued him with fear and doubt.
Visions from dead organs that filled him throughout.
Oh oh!

Frank killed the giant fish
And got his only wish
To discover Shade's secret base.
He kicked the damn door in
And found Crowly within
But she cowered at his rage.

The Scare-eb army tried once more to stop him dead.
Frank destroyed their army in a few seconds.
Oh oh!

And then he found Mycroft,
An agent fat and soft
Who'd had visions of the future.
He'd seen his death at hand
Brought by this big green man
Which he did not want to occur.

He labeled Frank a traitor so he would be set free.
All that did was to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh oh!

"Save me! Spare me!
Please let me go free!
I was just saving my own ass!
How could I have known?
My own actions would be to blame
For the coming of my own death?"

Frank stopped choking him
When Satan's Ring grew dim,
And switched to showing Nina dying.
A magic trap was tripped
And Khalis's power stripped
And used to raise Leviathan.

Nina's helmet was shattered from the magic trap.
And Frank decided he had had enough of Mycroft's crap.
Oh oh!

The choking began again,
This time it all would end.
Frank just couldn't take it anymore.
He looked into his eyes,
And finally realized
The real monster was this bore.

Agent Mycroft could feel the life slipping from his lungs,
And in the whistle of his final breath he might have sung:

"Save me! Spare me!
Please let me go free!
I was just saving my own ass!
How could I have known?
My own actions would be to blame
For the coming of my own death?"

There was a new voice that reached Frank's ears
As he finished off this man.
"You're the face of the worst of humanity,"
Spoke Doctor Victor from the past.

Frank left him on the floor,
And bolted to the door,
To kill the Leviathan!
He sliced into its side,
And gored it from inside.
But the way he won was quite random!

The mighty creature had a severe allergy to Frank.
It blew up and died in a giant roaring sea of flames.
Oh oh!

Frank was burnt alive.
Frankie almost died.
But Khalis saved his life!
He'd saved Nina too,
And changed her through and through
So she could keep her helmet at her side.

Afterward, the ex-SHADE agents joined with Frankenstein
To help him defeat the recently returned Doctor Frankenstein.
Oh oh fuck you if I want to rhyme Frankenstein with Frankenstein!

The motherfucking end already. Ugh! I'm never doing that again!

Frankenstein Agent of SHADE #12 Rating: +1 Ranking. The entire issue was told as past events from Agent Belroy (via the camera in Frank's head) to Father Time. So it was a wholly narrated piece. But it worked well. And I guess Doctor Victor Frankenstein has something to do with The Rot and he's back. Which is why a few issues of Frankenstein are going to join the Rotworld Crossover. I hope that works out for everyone!

Also, I should point out that last commentary I called the self-fulfilling prophecy!

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