Suicide Squad #12

I probably won't believe it because it probably won't make any sense! It'll probably be the Belle Reve inmate on page 12 of Issue four that only had a minor cameo up until now.

Last issue, the entire Squad was about to be sacrificed by some lost tribe of the Yucatan.

Oh Harley!

Here's what I don't understand. Harley Quinn lost a ton of fans because DC changed her outfit. They all flipped out and said DC ruined Harley. What a bunch of shallow, judgmental slut shamers! Harley is still Harley if she's still written as Harley! Stop judging the poor girl by her new outfit! And then their heads exploded when the figurine of Harley came out where she's smashing her old suit under her hammer.

Shallow, Narcissistic Fan: "Oh my God! Did you see how DC just slapped all the real Harley Quinn fans in the face by having her smash her old outfit?! That's like they're just screaming fuck you at us and rubbing our noses in it!"
Slut Shaming Hater: "I know! They turned her into a fucking whore! She doesn't have to show that much skin to be sexy!"
Shallow, Narcissistic Fan: "Yeah! How could they do this to me? I'm not reading anything else with Harley in it ever again even though she has always been my favorite!"
Harley Fan Who Betrays All Other Harley Fans: "Hey, did you guys read the newest issue of Suicide Squad? Harley was so fucking cute and wacky and funny!"
Slut Shaming Hater: "OH FUCK YOU! That's not really Harley! She looks different!"

Now that fictional dialogue is totally different than when I read Ravagers #3 and said, "What the fuck?! Brother Blood is supposed to have a white cape not a red cape!? What a travesty!" But really, it is different because Brother Blood is being written like a spoiled fifteen year old. Harley is still being written like Harley. Well, maybe she's a little bitter because Mister J went off and left her in jail. And of course she's not going to be exactly the same as the Harley Quinn portrayed in the younger kids comics like Batman Adventures! A costume does not make the character, people.

Here's what's really great about DC's fans. Harley's costume is a bit more risque and everyone freaks out. Then they cover up Power Girl's boobs on her costume and everybody freaks out. It's as if they're already old people who can't handle any change!

Back to the island and away from my digression, Deadshot and Black Spider begin bickering while hanging upside down. Deadshot is whining and Black Spider tells him to shut up and think of a way to escape. This causes Deadshot to point out that that was what he was trying to do before they were all drugged but Black Spider ignored him. Which causes Black Spider to snap back at Deadshot. But before they start in on the Your Momma jokes, Harley breaks it up.

Is it wrong for me to feel slightly aroused thinking about Harley Quinn watching me pee?

None of the Squad can think of a way out. Their best plan relies on the knife breaking when the priest tries to cut out King Shark's heart. I guess El Diablo is still to drugged up to set everyone on fire, otherwise that would be a pretty good escape plan. Instead, a team of Basilisk soldiers descend on the ziggurat and shoot up all the tribesmen. I'm pretty sure the leader of the Basilisk team is the traitor that infiltrated the Suicide Squad. And it makes sense even though I really expected it to be an original member (original to the New 52 group! Not the Ostrander 1980s group!).

Although he wasn't in Seattle to poison the Basilisk operative. Unless he was poisoned with some kind of slow acting poison!

Captain Boomerang was last seen being traded to Basilisk for a scientist Waller wanted to work on her Samsara project. Boomerang was probably sent by Basilisk to infiltrate the Squad and then found himself being shuffled back to Basilisk on his first mission. I should have guessed it was Captain Boomerang since he was also the mystery pie thrower in Ostrander's run of Suicide Squad! That was kind of like being a traitor!

Captain Boomerang hauls his new captives through the jungle to the Ziggurat of Regulus! It seems a bit weird that Regulus has his headquarters here in the Yucatan when Black Spider was busy searching for him in Gotham. That's pretty crappy information Black Spider was working with.

Even Regulus is unsure if he's Regulus. Maybe Regulus is a myth!

Regulus forces Harley to kneel and Black Spider notices he uses some form of hypnosis to get the drop on her. But when Black Spider attacks, Regulus shows him that he's just as fast without hypnotizing anybody. Black Spider ends up smashed against a wall. Regulus really should have just did a capture and release. Also, when I say smashed, I don't mean dead. I'll make it perfectly clear when one of the Suicide Squad dies! It's been a long while! Then Regulus notices Deadshot and makes a huge mistake.

Don't bring Lawton's family into this (his little girl, in this case) unless you want to end up on his list of people who are going to die before Lawton does. I sometimes think the only thing keeping Lawton from putting a bullet in his own head is the list of people that need to die first.

The entire inside of the ziggurat is a concentration camp. Regulus kills one of the captives and threatens to kill more if El Diablo and Iceberg don't put their powers away and remain calm. He offers them the choice to join Basilisk or die. He sends them to their cells to think it over awhile. Boomer escorts them back and begins talking shit to Deadshot. This, of course, leads to a physical violence between the two of them.

Of course he finishes "with both hands behind my backs." And I believe he could do it.

Except halfway through the fight, Boomerang smashes Deadshot's chains and tells him to start shooting.

He still might be the traitor! Except I'd still rather that Lawton was the traitor. That still makes the most sense.

Boomerang leads the team up to Regulus's tower where he's currently meditating with all of his top men. Once they get there, Boomerang is taken out by an electrical charge. And the real traitor shows himself.

Well, it was between him and Deadshot. Here's my quote from back when it was revealed the traitor had to commit a high profile crime and be in prison before Task Force X began: "Of these five, it would seem only Deadshot and Black Spider could be the assassin. And I think Black Spider isn’t a criminal. Although he could have done some vigilante thing that got him put in prison. He’s probably more of the guy the reader wouldn’t expect than Deadshot because he’s supposed to be a good guy. I guess we’ll find out who it is when they fail to kill Amanda Waller!"

So, it turns out I would believe who the traitor was! Even though I really wanted it to be Deadshot. But I guess if it were Deadshot, he wouldn't get to be a part of the Squad once he betrayed everyone. And since he's an integral member, I guess I'm glad it wasn't him!

What Black Spider is talking about at the end of the above scanned page is that he has some sleeper agents on the team. He says, "Sasparillo!" and El Diablo, Iceberg and King Shark switch sides to fight with Black Spider. Oh no! How is Deadshot going to kill them all with just one bullet left? Maybe Harley can tell a knock knock joke to distract them and then when they're not laughing (because knock knock jokes are never funny. Except for the one I made up in my commentary on Detective Comics #10!

These two need their own Brave and the Bold style team-up book. Their theme song could be Alice Cooper's Desperado. "I'm a killer!" "I'm a clown!"

Meanwhile back in Louisiana, the second part of Basilisk's Traitor Program has been put in effect.

Uh oh! It looks like the original Amanda Waller is going to be killed!

Suicide Squad #12 Rating: +2 Ranking. Suicide Squad is really finding its groove. I hope Yo Yo is in Amanda Waller's pocket and he'll save Waller's Nana! Although Waller doesn't need someone else to help out since she's on Team Seven. That must mean she's pretty bad-ass.