Saturday, January 21, 2012

Superman #1

Superman fights the Daily Planet in Issue #1.

The first two pages of Superman #1 deal with the old Daily Planet building being demolished and presenting the new and better Daily Planet building! Still filled with, by the way, all of the talented writers and editors that have always made it the best newspaper in the world!

Real subtle, DC. Or George Perez, I guess. He's one of the artists over at Green Arrow making that comic look as bad as possible. Here, he's making a decent metaphor. I guess. If you like hammers and sore craniums.

The whole tone makes me want to vomit though. Not because it's poorly written! It could be excellently written in a way that makes me want to vomit and since I want to vomit, it's doing its job. The narration sounds like a Daily Planet Columnist giving the paper a right proper stroking. Here's some of it:

"[The Daily Planet's] printing presses whirred tirelessly, day and night, to bring the ink-stained news of the city, the nation, and the world into the hands of every citizen of Metropolis. And as our great city grew, so too did the Daily Planet, both in its physical presence and worldwide reputation serving as a constant reminder that truth, justice and the American way must always be safeguarded and any threat--domestic, foreign or alien--be constantly held up to the light."

When was the last time journalism was thought of in this way? If newspapers have been surprised by the death of the printed newspaper, they haven't been paying proper journalistic attention. By giving people what they want to sell more papers, they lost sight of what people really want. Just plain fucking facts about world and national events. By choosing political press conferences over investigative research, papers have lost respectability and the dignity of having their own voice.

Only people in journalism think journalism is still some noble profession.

So Perez actually does a good job with this Daily Planet or Newscaster article on the history of the Daily Planet. Let's make it seem better than it actually is!

Except, of course, all of this probably is supposed to ring absolutely true for The Daily Planet because Superman and Lois Lane work there. Superman, as Clark Kent, is the epitome of truth and justice. So the paper gains credence by having him work there. And Lois Lane is the epitome of the intrepid investigative reporter who will do anything to get the story. And this is Metropolis, for Shuster's sake! It's the ideal!

Anyway, out with the old Universe, in with the new Universe! Here we go, Supes!

This comic must take place in the present. Justice League takes place five years previous to this comic. And Action Comics? I don't know, exactly. Maybe another five years prior to Justice League? I'm just taking a wild stab at the timeline here!

The point is, Metropolis has a new mayor since Action Comics. I forget his name as it was just dropped once in Action Comics. But it's different now. Also, the CEO of Galaxy Communications, owner of the Daily Planet and some major Metropolis television station and lots of other things, I'm sure, is now Morgan Edge. It was Morgan Glenmorgan in Action Comics! So the big question is: What the fuck is up with the name Morgan?

Also, in Action Comics, Galaxy Inc, run by Morgan Glenmorgan, already owned the Daily Planet. The Daily Planet was trying to lure Clark over to its side but Clark was resistant because it seemed like Glenmorgan's way of trying to control Clark and shut down his articles exposing Galaxy's corruption. Here in Superman, it sounds like Galaxy Inc just took over the Daily Planet.

Stupid 52 Universe already has a fucked up continuity!

Morgan Edge talks to the people about Galaxy Inc's buyout of the Daily Planet during which he says he is changing the television station's call letters to P.G.N., "Planet Global Network." Ha ha ha. So stupid!

"Our television station is really important! To show how important, we're calling it the Planet Earth Global Terra Satellite Network!" -- Morgan Edge

"FUCK YEAH!" -- Rockin' cool citizens of Metropolis.

A little more is mentioned about how Morgan Glenmorgan was a crook and had been CEO of Galaxy Inc. But unless Glenmorgan owned the Daily Planet and then lost it at some point, it doesn't make sense that Galaxy Inc is now buying it out.

So at some point between Action Comics and Superman, Glenmorgan loses the Daily Planet which allows Clark to come to work for Perry White. So now Superman is upset again because Galaxy Inc is taking it back.

That makes sense. So I should retract my statement about the continuity falling apart since I have the imagination to fix it. My actual bet is that this little bit of information will be glossed over and never mentioned again for many, many years to come until DC hires another wave of British Writers to spruce up their comic books and one of them will remember this vague bit of information and turn it into an amazing story that will revolutionize comic books and then be turned into a really super shitty movie.

Superman is also upset because he's been offered the job as network anchor and even he knows how stupid a job that is! Or maybe he just doesn't want millions of people seeing his Clark Kent disguise and how poorly thought out it is.

Superman can fly now. As he's handling some terrorist deal, we learn a few facts. Superman has been out of Metropolis for some time. Perhaps because he's been dealing with Justice League business? Although Clark seems to still work his day job in Metropolis. People watching Superman comment on how he's getting faster and stronger and remember when he could merely 'leap over tall buildings in a single bound.'

During this episode, Superman ends up fighting some alien fire beast. The narration boxes in this comic are set up like an article being written about the action. My guess is it's Clark Kent's write-up of the scene since it's filled with facts only Superman could know. And Clark probably has some pretend exclusive right to interview Superman for his articles.

Here's the fire thing Superman fights. It speaks in the same language that Peraxxus spoke.

It's saying, "Gibberish." It later says it again. And then it says, "onebigword".

So Superman defeats it. Lois makes sure the story is filmed without any of her people being put in harm's way. Jimmy helps get the coverage with new assistant Miko (at least new to me). And Clark gets the big scoop with a Superman interview. Everything works out!

Except when Clark goes to congratulate Lois at her apartment, she's already celebrating with some guy named Jonathan Carroll. And Clark walks away all pouty faced and hurt and eavesdropping with his super hearing to find out Lois doesn't think of him that way. Boo hoo!

*** Lack of pictures brought to you by DCs Big Book of First Issues! ***

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