Thursday, January 5, 2012

Justice League International #5

I'm not really very impressed with this JLI cover by David Finch. Maybe that's why they have him writing Batman: The Dark Knight instead of drawing it!

I'm also not very impressed by the ending of this first JLI story arc.

Issue #1: "Let's go find the missing UN guys!"
Issue #2: "Oh crap! A giant robot! Run!"
Issue #3: "Damn! We were defeated by Peraxxus! Paraxis?"
Issue #4: "Now the world is ending because we couldn't beat up Peraxxus!"
Issue #5: "We still couldn't beat up Peraxxus but at least he fled!"

And that's the big problem with writing a story where the heroes are really up against the wall and you're wondering how they're going to defeat the Villain of the Month. You better come up with a good plan and a reasonable answer to why they couldn't beat him up before and now they can beat him up and force him to flee.

Dan Jurgens doesn't do this.

Now, hold on a minute, Mr. Newscaster! You don't know that Geoff Johns has any better plan to have the Grown Up Justice League defeat Darkseid! So let's see how the JLI did this month.

First off, they survived the beginning destruction because of Booster Gold's force field surrounding them. So Booster Gold shows his worth. Even though Guy should have been the one to do it. Making a protective bubble to save everyone from certain death is Green Lantern Corps 101!

Second, AGI spouts a helpful aphorism! It's a plan that nobody else could have thought of! So August General in Iron earns his place!

Third, Rocket Red comes up with a plan to fly into space undercover in a giant turd. He also shuts the airlock. And causes the ship to crash Earth on one of the giant robots which causes Peraxxus to flee into space with his sickle and purple hat. So, really, Rocket Red does most of the work and is currently MVP of the JLI!

Fourthly and fifthly, Green Lantern creates the engine to propel the turd and Fire powers it with her fire! So I guess that earns them a respectable place on the team! Right?

Sixthly, Vixen stands up to Batman.

I think that makes her the bravest member on the team! So she's in! Plus she bitch slaps Peraxxus on his way out the door. I like suckerypunchiness in my super dames! I mean, Super Heroes!

Seventhly (am I out of JLI members yet?!), Ice disables the security gun so Batman and Rocket Red don't get killed. Okay, so Batman doesn't get killed.

Eighthly, and finally, Godiva confuses him with her stupid power.

I mean, Godiva steals his scythe with her cool hair powers! She's proven herself a legitimate member of the team! Awww!

Ugh. Bollocks! She sucks!

I guess Guy Gardner does a little more proving of himself at the end when he slows the ship down enough so the JLI can escape and so that it doesn't do too much damage when it crashes into Earth.

That's what she said?

And so the world is saved. Or at least the majority of it that didn't get destroyed as Peraxxus sucked huge chunks off of it and atomized them in space. I think at least 90% of the Earth's mass is left after this catastrophe.

The issue sounds a lot better when I describe it as members of the team showing how they can effectively work in the JLI! And that's what it's supposed to be. But taken as a whole, it's pretty disappointing. The JLI really just gets their asses kicked the whole time. Maybe the message is never give up!

The JLI wins this one because Peraxxus can't finish them when he's got the game at 40-love and then makes five unforced errors in a row. Look at me and a tennis analogy! Maybe if I were more manly I could have come up with a football one!

At the end of the comic, Booster is arguing with Briggs.

BG: Do I consider this mission a success? DAMN STRAIGHT.

Funny, Booster, I thought the mission was to find a team of UN scientists!

And then there is one final panel with some unknown someone watching them on a monitor and saying, "Amazing! They succeeded. I can't abide that. Accelerate plans for their demise."

OMG! WTF?! Who is this mysterious Nemesis?! Will he be next month's Villain of the Month? Or will we just keep getting cryptic panels of his hatred for the JLI until some future, future big reveal that takes place long after everyone has forgotten about this stranger and they have to dig back through all the old issues until they find this one panel and then go, "Oh yeah! I forgot about that guy."


  1. Um couldn't the Green Lantern just have done this all by himself?

  2. Sure, if he wanted to! But Guy probably wanted to see Booster Gold fail. Also, the title of the comic is Justice League International, not Guy Gardner Does It All By Himself!

    But you're right. There always seems to be at least one hero on a Super Team that really makes you question why any of the others are even there.